Made a mistake. Struggling to cope.

[katrina1980 673]

Thank you for the messages. I needed a few days to get my head straight. He done exactly what I thought, had me and is now playing games again. I have walked away for good now.

 

So I gather from the bolded, you did go back, gave him that "second chance" and once he had you, or thought he had you, he stopped wanting you, again. Is that correct?

 

In any event, try to not beat yourself up, many of us have done same, and learned. You had to actually go back, or seriously consider going back, and giving him that second chance to know for certain now that he's a d-bag and you are DONE.

 

And hopefully learned a valuable lesson, which is the positive take-away from all this.

 

Chloe, I think I mentioned before but the actions of this man have me thinking he may be somewhat sociopathic. This is NOT your fault, and please don't think men like him are the norm cause they're not.

 

There are many many good guys out there whom you will love, will love you, and you can trust.

 

I am sorry you had to experience someone like him and you got hurt. You will get past this I promise.

 

Time heals and I speak from experience when I say that.

Edited June 14, 2019 by katrina1980

[Chloej123 10]

I started up communication with him again, and very nearly saw him again. Sociopath and narcissist are very much him down to a T. I’m almost ashamed I ever gave myself to somebody like him. I’m very fragile now but I am praying time does heal me. Maybe far on into the future I can learn to trust again, but I think it will be a difficult journey for me.

[boltnrun 1,227]

I started up communication with him again, and very nearly saw him again. Sociopath and narcissist are very much him down to a T. I’m almost ashamed I ever gave myself to somebody like him. I’m very fragile now but I am praying time does heal me. Maybe far on into the future I can learn to trust again, but I think it will be a difficult journey for me.

 

You're still communicating with him? Why? Are you hoping he'll "change"?

[Chloej123 10]

I stupidly replied to a few of his messages a couple of days ago. Since then I have had a massive wake up call. I will never put myself through this again. He went away on holiday with his guys yesterday, and I’ve saw videos on Instagram of him with a string of women all over them in clubs etc. I am finding it hard to process, and of course should have walked away the first time. I’m now trying desperately to heal

[boltnrun 1,227]

I stupidly replied to a few of his messages a couple of days ago. Since then I have had a massive wake up call. I will never put myself through this again. He went away on holiday with his guys yesterday, and I’ve saw videos on Instagram of him with a string of women all over them in clubs etc. I am finding it hard to process, and of course should have walked away the first time. I’m now trying desperately to heal

 

So I presume you blocked his number and any and all means of contact. I presume you "unfollowed" his Instagram and blocked him from seeing yours. I presume you also deleted his number so you won't be tempted to text him when you "miss" him.

 

These steps are absolutely vital.

 

If you come up with any bizarre excuses why you "can't" block him, that just proves you are still "hoping" and will likely give in the next time he contacts you wanting sex.

[katrina1980 673]

I hope so Chloe. Cause I have a feeling he will be back. Once he realizes you're gone for good, he'll try to lure you back. Only to start playing games once again and being a d-bag.

 

I used to be friends with a woman who went through this crap for seven, yes SEVEN, years with her commitmentphobe, sociopathic boyfriend.

 

It (and he) eventually destroyed her, literally. She had a breakdown and was never really the same.

 

She allowed it, so it's partly on her, but don't be that girl Chloe, have you blocked him? If not, please do so now.

 

If you mean what you said, that you're done, it should be easy. Relinquish ALL hope, it's over, for good, forever.

 

Make that decision.

 

Do it!! And don't look back.

 

You'll be okay I promise you.

[katrina1980 673]

So I presume you blocked his number and any and all means of contact. I presume you "unfollowed" his Instagram and blocked him from seeing yours. I presume you also deleted his number so you won't be tempted to text him when you "miss" him.

 

These steps are absolutely vital.

 

If you come up with any bizarre excuses why you "can't" block him, that just proves you are still "hoping" and will likely give in the next time he contacts you wanting sex.

 

I agree, especially the bolded, but I don't even think it's about the sex. Because from what Chloe said, he started up with his BS before they even met up again.

 

He just needed to know that he "had" her again, it's all EGO.

 

When she positively responded to his messages and started communicating with him again, that's all he needed -- to know she was back. Emotionally. Under his "spell." Which from how she described it, she was. And now hates herself for it.

 

Again, it's pure ego. And very sick.

[Chloej123 10]

Katrina, you are right. He started sending BS messages asking to see me to sort things etc, saying he’s glad I’m back in his life. Next thing I know, he decides to go on holiday and I am faced with these videos and women on social media and it’s honestly just unbelievable. I have blocked him on everything. I haven’t said one word. Just blocked entirely. I never ever want him to come near me ever again. He has damaged me so much already.

[Chloej123 10]

Sorry to hear about your friend. I honestly feel if I hadn’t gone through this the second time just now, I would have wound up just like her. My mental health is already so fragile from him. Even physically, not sleeping or eating. I will never allow another human being to treat me this way again. Hes already destroyed me as much as he can. I can’t believe I even reconsidered giving him a second chance after the way he manipulated me and treated me the first time. Well hindsight is a wonderful thing. I know he will try and reach out to me somehow, but I have made sure I’ve blocked him on everything I had him on. I won’t let him win this time.

[Chloej123 10]

You’ve really just summarised it perfectly and accurately Katrina. His selfish, manipulative and huge ego thought he had me where he wants me again. For him to then go on and cheat essentially while he’s away. He’s a fool as the fact it was posted on social media just re confirms the horrible, sociopathic idiot he is. I have no feelings left for him. Just resentment, anger and disgust. I can’t beat myself up anymore than I already have for nearly giving him a second chance. I am just hoping I can forgive myself soon.

[katrina1980 673]

>>I know he will try and reach out to me somehow, but I have made sure I’ve blocked him on everything I had him on. I won’t let him win this time.

I am very happy to hear that.

 

Stay strong!

 

((HUGS))

[Chloej123 10]

Thank you so much. You have been so honest and I needed the wake up call. I am trying my best so stay strong through this absolute s* show or a failed relationship.

[Chloej123 10]

I have now blocked him. I saw the Instagram videos just before I did this. Which is also what confirmed and gave me the wake up call I needed, to walk the hell away and never go back. Very fragile right now, but I am praying I get through this and my health can get back on track and I can resume my work.

[boltnrun 1,227]

I have now blocked him. I saw the Instagram videos just before I did this. Which is also what confirmed and gave me the wake up call I needed, to walk the hell away and never go back. Very fragile right now, but I am praying I get through this and my health can get back on track and I can resume my work.

 

It's amazing how much better you'll start to feel once you decide to stop trying to get this guy to love you and treat you well.

 

HE is the one causing your pain. Remove the source of the pain and remove the pain!

[ninjabib 82]

If he is a Premier League footballer he will have 100's of women fighting over him. For our American friends he's a top level football (soccer) player which means he has huge status and millions in the bank so he has his pick. Not saying this is the OP motive of course.

 

He clearly realised this and as I put (without knowing he was a PL player) in your original thread he wants to sleep around.

 

In a way he's been honest so you must block him and keep it that way for your own sake.

[Chloej123 10]

Yes ninjabib, you’re right. I however, as you already said, was not with him for the financial aspect. I actually knew him before he went professional 2 years ago. I am a model by trade so I have always worked and thankfully never ever relied on him financially. I am just trying my best to get through the days now. It is getting a bit easier day by day. Again thanks for your response

[ninjabib 82]

I am 100% not saying you were after his money Chloe but i think for him the penny dropped that he's still young and does many, many women after him and unfortunately he has decided he wants to have his fun rather than settle down.

 

I think just because he thinks he's indirectly told you this, that if you keep going back in his mind it will be ok to sleep with you because he's already said he doesnt want a relationship in his own way.

 

Anyway, i hope you recover from this, i'm sure you will, you seem level headed. On the plus side you are now free to find someone who does want you want.

[katrina1980 673]

@ninja, I don't think he's been honest at all.

 

He sent her many mixed messages, I don't have time to outline what they all were, they're all outlined in this thread and previous threads.

 

He was very cruel to her after he ended it, telling her she needs to "grow up." Laying a guilt trip after she deleted him from her social media. Which she had every right to do without being made to feel like some horrible person for doing so.

 

Then, after she distanced herself, he lured her back by barraging her with texts, leading her to believe he had regretted his decision and wanted to get back together, only to discard her like a piece of trash after she positively responded.

 

This bozo's ego is he size of North and South America combined, and then some!

 

Everything he did, everything he said -- 100% ego.

 

I don't care if he's a big football star who makes tons of money, HE needs to grow up.

[Chloej123 10]

Katrina, I love your energy lol. His ego is painfully big. I feel so much better today :)

 

And funnily enough, he reached out to my friend on Instagram asking her to ask me to unblock him and that he is super sorry. It’s almost amusing now! He screwed up and I am never going back.

[ninjabib 82]

Katrina I agree with you. What I am saying is that in HIS head he feels that he's been honest by muddying the waters and HE is assuming that Chloe has got the (poor) hint.

 

There can be many disconnects in the way men and women communicate with each other. It would be much easier for all if everyone spoke in black and white terms but sadly that doesn't happen often from either side.

 

I agree he's a douche but when he's exhibited douche behaviour Chloe has gone back. No one forced her to. She's onto his games now which is good and seems to be done with him which is great. The only reason I mentioned his wealth and status is because OP mentioned she was a model and he was PL.player. To me that suggests that OP considers status somewhat important within herself and for her partner.

 

As you correctly mentioned status creates ego. Neither justify treating someone poorly. For me there was no need for either to be mentioned.

 

Chloe never unblock him on anything.