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Why I get insecure after men say they love me?

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Ok here’s the problem I seem to get insecure when a man I like (get feelings) tells me they love me. I noticed this after I was getting strong feelings for this guy and he told me he loved me, I was happy and extremely flattered but I suddenly started to become very insecure. I started to become slightly different, a bit more needy which was not me and I’m not a needy person. I think that’s one of the reasons he liked me because I wasn’t clingy. Why is this? What can I do? Do I need to work more on loving myself more? Am I scared that they will stop loving me? Has anyone else felt like this? Thanks in advance x

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Just remember not to become needy and clingy otherwise you'll chase him away. In the beginning, try not to focus on infatuation. In order not to feel insecure, back off and remain respectful. Exercise self control. Don't bombard him with texts, messages, emails, phone calls, comments on his social media and men tend to love it when you have a life of your own outside your relationship with him. Learn to be independent. Then it will become a habit and you will feel secure within your own skin.


He won't stop loving you if you treat him the way you would want to be treated. Be considerate. Loving yourself is a form of self security, too. Practice changing for the better and you will be ok!

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This problem tends to stem from people, conscious of it or not, who feel they are undeserving of love and can't process or embrace when good things happen to them. And yes, it often traces back to the idea that if you don't love yourself, how could anyone else.


Believe it or not it tends to be a form of narcissism, in that your focus is too internal and and the external feedback just doesn't compute.


Therapy would help you figure out these tendancies and exercises you could utilize to minimize or erase them. I'd highly suggest you give it a try.

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>>Just remember not to become needy and clingy otherwise you'll chase him away.

Perhaps that is what the OP subconsciously wants.


OP, my thinking is when a man reveals his love for you, you don't trust it.


You don't believe it because again, on a subconscious level, you don't believe you're deserving of it. So either he is lying, some sort of "player" or there is something "wrong" w him because in your mind a high quality man with purpose, strength and confidence would never love you.


So you become insecure, and as such, needy and clingy.


When a man doesn't love you, this is something you can trust, and therefore not insecure about.


I am not a shrink but have read a lot about various subconscious fears and anxieties that seem to occur when one either develops feelings themselves or when someone reveals their strong feelings, such as love, to them.


It's essentially a self-esteem issue.

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I’m sensing it’s not actually when they tell you they love you but when you start to feel like you love them?


I think you start to feel vulnerable when you realise if you lost them you would be hurt?

And you subconsciously start to sabotage the relationship by be being needy and clingy.

You suddenly feel like you need constant verification that they do actually love you?


Does any of that ring a bell??

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Make sure you are dating a while and have the exclusive talk before having sex and getting attached. Take your time getting to know someone. Pace yourself.

I seem to get insecure when a man I like (get feelings) tells me they love me. I noticed this after I was getting strong feelings for this guy and he told me he loved me
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Male 30.


Strong men like needy girls. It gives them the confidence that they'll satisfy you. If there's anything a guy doesn't want it's a dissatisfied woman.


You say you don't like being insecure and needy but you're afraid the guy won't like you. And that it's not just one man doing this.


So you need to balance your appearance of being needy, in order to keep one of them attracted and chose the guy who requires the least bit of needy from you.


That more secure guy is stronger and can handle you in a more comfortable state of being less needy.


Now if you're getting multiple guys this way, know that you might not be as needy as you think you are, as much as you would be if you only attracted one guy.


Also needy is ok, but insecurity isn't as ok. You need the guy who likes the needy but doesn't need the insecurity.


It's ok for a woman to be needy because that means you really want to rely on the guy to be your rock, which will force him to work hard for you and make you happier, more content, and relaxed to do your own things when he's at work.


On the other hand you don't want to be low fruit, which is why you don't want either attribute. That's not an insult that just means if you're attracting a lot of guys because you've got imperfections and you inherently don't want those imperfections. What you've really got to do is climb the tree of self respect.


You will be unhappy being perfect, and you will make the men unhappy. But if you consider yourself low fruit because you're uncomfortably insecure and attracting guys your not really interested in who make you feel insecure, you've got to get in the middle of the tree somehow by doing what ever it takes to climb up that self respect.


In the middle of the tree you'll have a good balance of humility and pride and that is actually better than being at the top of the tree, and you'll find some really practical guys who can do more than the ones that want you to be insecure.


Men who want an insecure woman have insecurities of their own and they might actually deliberately make you insecure just to stay on top of you, and since you know you're better than that you've got to avoid predators.


But you should at least pretend to be more insecure than the man you chose or boost his security really high because that will masculate him and give him the confidence that he is your rock. You have to get what you want in clever ways that makes him think he's the perfect guy. Like literally convince him he's perfect and stuff like that before you ask him for something under the radar.


Have fun. V

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