Sense42 Posted June 9, 2019 Share Posted June 9, 2019 Hi guys, and thank you in advance for the help and gentle advice. This is going to be a long one, but I think it's best to describe the situation in detail: Since the beginning of the year, I have had this strong mutual attraction with this man in my networking group. We first met at a small venue, and were immediately drawn to each other like magnets. He is kind, gentle, attentive, a great listener and despite a fairly significant age difference (I am in my 30s, he's in his 50s), we have a lot in common, plus our chemistry is absolutely off the charts. Its been months now, and every time we meet on various different occasions, the chemistry has gotten stronger. He even almost kissed me in a spur of the moment on one occasion, but later blamed the alcohol he'd had that evening, even though it wasn't nearly enough to have caused a change in behavior. He, however, has a girlfriend. He initially described theirs as an on-off relationship, but it seems like they're back "on" at the moment. Only one constant thing: They have absolutely no chemistry whatsoever. There is no warmth. Every time they're in a room together (which is a fairly rare occasion to begin with), they barely hold eye contact, they don't touch, and they seem rather tense - her in particular. People around them act surprised all the time when they hear that they're together because as multiple other acquaintances have pointed out "they don't look or act like a couple". Since we almost kissed, and since I've learned that the shaky relationship with his girlfriend was moving back into "on" territory, I have been keeping a respectful distance on the occasions we see each other (still a semi-regular basis). He knows that I respect both myself and his boundaries and that I would never want to try and become "the other woman", but while he tries to keep things purposefully short if we ever exchange messages online and almost avoids me in that sense, he is still just as affectionate in person whenever he sees me, maybe even more so. It's like he can't help it. I have observed this for a long time, now, and can definitely say that this is genuine, constant, and he is not playing games. I've tried staying away, but I am guilty as charged: I simply enjoy our interactions too much. Even when his girlfriend is around, he is still warm an affectionate towards me. Several weeks ago, we were both taking part in a discussion group. It was a topic that I am quite passionate about, so I talked about a few points at length to the group. He was listening to me so intently, asked all the right questions and encouraged me to keep talking. I felt incredibly valued and understood by him that evening. Later I found he had looked at my online profile twice in one day, but that was shortly followed by his girlfriend, also looking at my profile. Since then, she has signed up for the same activities as he does whenever there is a chance that I might also be there, and most recently, she sent me a friend request on social media. I didn't know whether to answer it or not at first. But since I am seeing the woman and her boyfriend later this month, I didn't want to come off like a jerk, and since I have almost nothing personal on my social media account - and absolutely nothing to hide - I figured "why not". I might as well act friendly with her and regardless of the situation, I don't want to make enemies. Then she messaged me and asked if I was going to very crowded get-together this week. I said I wasn't planning on it, and the moment I did, her boyfriend aka my crush, who also dislikes these kinds of get-togethers was added to the attendance list. I don't even know anymore. All I can think of is that she is determined to pull all the strings to keep him away from me, and that he has decided to play along for some reason. My confusion aside, though, I am seeing both of them in a couple of weeks at an occasion I at least get to dress up and look pretty for, but I am dreading the prospect of being pulled into some kind of relationship drama. Once again, I know I can't be with him at this point in time, but I just enjoy seeing him and being around him so much - even if it'll never be more than this. But with the way things have developed, I don't know how to act anymore - especially towards her, or around them as a couple. I am suspecting there is more to come, and I am dreading the fact that this networking community we're all a part of is a very gossipy place. I also have almost no one to actually talk to about this, which makes me feel even worse. Any input on the situation, any advice or second opinion would be helpful. Thanks! Link to comment
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