Devastated after being ghosted after single date due to performance issues

[katrina1980]

 

I also started wellbutrin today in hopes it would help my inability to focus, and clear the depression I've felt lately and hopefully quit smoking cigarettes.

 

Wellbutrin may help you with all that, but keep in mind, anti-depressants tend to have a somewhat negative effect on your sex drive (decreases it, impotency), did your doctor explain that to you?

 

I was on a different antidepressant for awhile, it helped me tremendously at the time, but it did have a negative impact on my and my boyfriend's (at the time) sexual relationship. It took a real hit.

 

I would hate for you to get into another situation with a woman you like and experience the same issue, due to the meds.

 

And just my opinion and experience, I did not have a good experience with private therapy. I don't have time to go into why, but I found support groups (monitored by a therapist) among those experiencing the same emotional issues I was to be much more beneficial.

 

So that might be something to look into too, if you're having difficulty affording private therapy.

[ReaperOfGrim]

Wellbutrin may help you with all that, but keep in mind, anti-depressants tend to have a somewhat negative effect on your sex drive (decreases it, impotency), did your doctor explain that to you?

 

I was on a different antidepressant for awhile, it helped me tremendously at the time, but it did have a negative impact on my and my boyfriend's (at the time) sexual relationship. It took a real hit.

 

I would hate for you to get into another situation with a woman you like and experience the same issue, due to the meds.

 

And just my opinion and experience, I did not have a good experience with private therapy. I don't have time to go into why, but I found support groups (monitored by a therapist) among those experiencing the same emotional issues I was to be much more beneficial.

 

So that might be something to look into too, if you're having difficulty affording private therapy.

 

I appreciate the advice. I looked into it abit, and according to what I've read, alot of people switch to wellbutrin from other antidepressants due to the fact that it actually impacts sexual function less than others. And I've got about 30 erectile dysfunction "just in case" pills prescribed to me by my doctor (why couldn't I have had those 2 months ago?? I feel like my heart would be full at the moment).

 

I talked to a coworker today and opened up a little about what I've been going through. Turns out he's going through the same thing. He's been going to a therapist that's on our plan, and can use an HSA card at. I'm attempting to make an appointment asap.

[abitbroken]

I a (why couldn't I have had those 2 months ago?? I feel like my heart would be full at the moment).

 

.

 

Dude, she was living with her husband. It would not have ended up being a relationship. It was a bullet dodged.

[katrina1980]

Dude, she was living with her husband. It would not have ended up being a relationship. It was a bullet dodged.

 

I agree with this, and Reaper, when you begin your therapy you might want to consider talking with your therapist about why you allowed yourself to become so emotionally attached to a woman who was living with her husband and therefore clearly unavailable.

 

You may not believe this, because much of it is on a subconscious level, but those who tend to form attachments to others who are married, in a relationship, or otherwise emotionally unavailable, tend to be emotionally unavailable themselves.

 

Their emotions tend to be on a fever pitch when involved with such people, not rational and obsessive. Versus dating/getting involved with those who are open and available for a RL, who for some reason they don't find quite as intriguing or compelling.

[bluecastle]

Dude, she was living with her husband. It would not have ended up being a relationship.

 

Right!

 

C'mon, buddy. Let's say you had the magic pills in the back pocket that night? Cool, you'd have had some decent sex—semi-hot, semi-not first date sex—with someone who was married, not interested in a relationship, and leaving town.

 

You can't bang those truths out of someone. You're not a conquerer.

 

Had you gone down that road you'd be right here, at right about the same time, basically writing the exact same post, except the part where you didn't get it up would be subbed in with some pharmaceutically enhanced sexcapades after which...she ghosted and/or faded out and left you devastated.

 

You hadn't dated in a good stretch and then pinned your hopes, hard and fast, on a woman who made clear she had no interest in a relationship. What's going on there? Those are the wires to untangle, and I'm standing by my earlier assessment that your penis was looking out for your best, and truest, interests that night.

 

There is literally a whole different way to process this, and if you can find away to get the wisdom the head between your legs showed the other night into the head above your shoulders you are in for some golden stuff and some very hot sex with right person, at the right time.

[PuffyParakee]

I appreciate the advice. I looked into it abit, and according to what I've read, alot of people switch to wellbutrin from other antidepressants due to the fact that it actually impacts sexual function less than others. And I've got about 30 erectile dysfunction "just in case" pills prescribed to me by my doctor (why couldn't I have had those 2 months ago?? I feel like my heart would be full at the moment).

 

I talked to a coworker today and opened up a little about what I've been going through. Turns out he's going through the same thing. He's been going to a therapist that's on our plan, and can use an HSA card at. I'm attempting to make an appointment asap.

It's great that you're taking initiatives to improve your mental health but I notice a common theme in all of your responses.

You continue to dwell on what happened as if your continually giving yourself a pity party.

From what you explained in you earlier post, she's apparently married/seperated (whatever)or living with her significant other?

She sounds like a floozy. There's nothing wrong with a man or woman multi dating and having a healthy active sex life, but she was living with a man while entertaining you. That's wrong.

From the sounds of things, it sounds like she was just looking for a fling to have on the side.

In the long run, you'd still have ended up heartbroken for another reason.

Try to let go of her. She's not worth it. A similar situation like yours occured with me in the past with a man I was dating several years ago.

He was always able to perform with me but one late night, he just could not seem to maintain an erection.

He looked away embarrassingly, explained that it's because he had too much consumption of alcohol.

I understood & we just talked the rest of the night.

I did not hold it against him because I liked him.

My point is, if she was really into you, she would have disregarded what happened & continued being with you, & that maybe she was just looking for a one night stand.

So, even if you were able to perform, she still would have still dissapeared on you after she got what she wanted.

[Sportster2005]

Wellbutrin may help you with all that, but keep in mind, anti-depressants tend to have a somewhat negative effect on your sex drive (decreases it, impotency), did your doctor explain that to you?

 

 

Wellbutrin is an older class of anti-depressant. It is not an SSRI. The newer SSRIs tend to effect sex drive, not so much Wellbutrin. It is often used when SSRIs interfere with sex drive.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/all-about-sex/201211/the-antidepressant-drug-best-sex

 

The usual disclaimer, I'm not a medical pro, seek the advice of one before making changes to medication ....

[Sportster2005]

I'm really trying. It's eaten away at me for months now and I don't know how to stop it. I'm stuck with the notion that she's "perfect" for me and all the fun we could have together when I didn't even feel that way that night or leading up to it. I'm finding myself constantly thinking of her face always, and comparing women to her, having a hard time finding other women attractive. I'll wake up and be fine for about 5 seconds, then I'll feel a literal weight put on my chest and shoulders sometimes even before she enters my mind only to remain there until I go to sleep at night. I don't know what tf is wrong with my brain but I'm ready to pull my hair out. I f******* hate this

 

Excessive ruminating may be a form of generalised anxiety. You may want to bring it up with a pro.

 

I find when I get like this upping my physical fitness pays wonderful dividends.

[ReaperOfGrim]

The attachment to her was entirely incidental. That night, I told myself I was just going on the date "to see what happens". I don't believe for a second I would be feeling this strong of an attachment if she was either still into me, went on 1 or 2 more dates where I was able to compare her vs her baggage in real time, or if she would have explained she just wasn't "feeling" it that night. I can tell myself those things sure, but it always creeps back into my mind every few minutes that I COULD have done something different and avoided all of this. As much as I know this to be false and unreasonable, it always seems to come creeping back 10-fold. I'm working on it.

 

On another note, I had my first therapist session yesterday based heavily on the advice from you guys. The session was scheduled for 1 hour, but lasted 2 although I was only charged for 1. The first half was kind of all over the place as I did the majority of the talking, and she did alot of listening and the majority of it felt like she was kind of feeling me out and finding out where to go. When she started commenting and asking questions, it felt like it became more "structured". As bluecastle stated, she agrees that it's 100% ego driven that I'm stuck where I'm at. She believes I rely far too much on other people's perception of me to determine my own self-esteem/confidence (which is something I never considered but is entirely accurate). We discussed my childhood and teenage years and she believes based on my upbringing and lack of memory from those periods of my life, that I've been very depressed for a very long time, but they manifested in ways outside of the typical "sadness". She gave me methods on how to combat the unrealistic views I have when my mind keeps going back to the "what could of have been" crap, by irrupting myself and start using logic to dispel those thoughts.

 

I felt great the rest of the day after the session, and still feel pretty good now. But I do wish I would have emphasized how much I think about this girl, and that we could have gotten into that a little more. Although I didn't think about her much after therapy yesterday, this morning I woke up to her pretty heavily on my mind again. I'm using the methods she described and it does seem to tamper down my emotions quite a bit, but I'd be lying if I said that I'm not feeling a little hopeless and heartbroken that I'm still thinking about this girl so much. I DID schedule another appointment a week from yesterday's and I'm looking forward to it very much. Just knowing that I'm doing everything in my power to make myself healthier DOES feel pretty good.

[bluecastle]

Really happy to hear about the session. Keep scheduling them. It's like the gym. Week one you can do a single chin up, at six months you're cranking out 20 and feeling amazing. Therapy can do something similar to the mind—but also, like the gym, there is some soreness involved, some stripping away. But you sound open to it, and that's amazing.

[saluk]

I felt great the rest of the day after the session, and still feel pretty good now. But I do wish I would have emphasized how much I think about this girl, and that we could have gotten into that a little more. Although I didn't think about her much after therapy yesterday, this morning I woke up to her pretty heavily on my mind again. I'm using the methods she described and it does seem to tamper down my emotions quite a bit, but I'd be lying if I said that I'm not feeling a little hopeless and heartbroken that I'm still thinking about this girl so much. I DID schedule another appointment a week from yesterday's and I'm looking forward to it very much. Just knowing that I'm doing everything in my power to make myself healthier DOES feel pretty good.

 

I don't do therapy but I get the sense from a lot of people who do it, that often you will feel like you are not getting into what you wanted to get into as much, but that these other avenues are actually what you needed in the long run. After all, if your problem is mentally fixating on a thing, the solution isn't going to be to continue focusing on it.

[Sportster2005]

I felt great the rest of the day after the session, and still feel pretty good now. But I do wish I would have emphasized how much I think about this girl, and that we could have gotten into that a little more. Although I didn't think about her much after therapy yesterday, this morning I woke up to her pretty heavily on my mind again. I'm using the methods she described and it does seem to tamper down my emotions quite a bit, but I'd be lying if I said that I'm not feeling a little hopeless and heartbroken that I'm still thinking about this girl so much. I DID schedule another appointment a week from yesterday's and I'm looking forward to it very much. Just knowing that I'm doing everything in my power to make myself healthier DOES feel pretty good.

 

Awesome to hear, remember, this too shall pass. Someday you'll wonder what all the fuss was about.