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If your not a good looking women.


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How do unattractive women get bfs or guys interested in them? I ask as I am one. I feel like guys are so looks oriented. I’m fun and kind and like doing outdoorsey activities but I find it hard to even get a guy interested in me to notice this stuff and then if somehow they are interested it never lasts long. I do everything I can to be as attractive as I can do advice like “get in shape, eat healthy, get a nice haircut/makeup” is not relevant as I have and do all that. Is it a hopeless case, if I was an unattractive guy it wouldn’t matter because women go less for looks then guys.

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At the end of the day, looks fade.

If someone marries another for looks what happens when they age and looks fade?


My advice would be:

Have self confidence, surround yourself with good people, focus on your friendships, work and talents.


If the clock is ticking just get artificial insemination or adopt, it will be a lot less hassle.


You will be spared a life of cleaning, cooking, laundering and listening to the husband's problems as well as dealing with unpleasant money grabbing in laws.


Excuse the cynicism!


Experience is talking.


If you are desperate then join a dancing class, sports, climbing, hiking clubs. Perhaps travel the world.

Relax. Have fun and the right man will find you. Or you will attract someone with similar interests.

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Work on your brain power. My cousin isn't what you would call a "looker" by any means. However, she's super smart, graduated with honors at the top of her class in chemical engineering, went to law school, passed the Bar exam and now she's a powerful corporate attorney. She attracted a tall, good looking MIT guy with a grad degree in Physics. They earn mega incomes per year. She used her brain power to attract a guy who was going places, on the fast track and has a great career.


You'll run in the same social circles as other successful people.


Become successful and prosperous in your own right and you'll attract a man who is doing the same. Money is the name of the game.

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Looks matter to get a person's attention but it's substance that holds in a relationship.


Being compatible is more or less the idea.


You seem obsessed about your looks and the inequality of it all. Let go and be less harsh and judgmental about yourself. We are our own worst critics. Hardly anyone is completely flawless and we all have wrinkles, lines, pimples, scars, birth marks, quirks, defects etc etc etc. You might even find it interesting to know that no one is perfectly symmetrical either whether it comes down to one ear being slightly higher or lower than the other ear, one foot bigger than the other and so on.


If you do suffer from trauma of some sort or have excessive scars or other physical issues speak to your doctor or health care provider and find solutions or look into ways that may help you make peace with whatever troubles you about your body. Perhaps this may not be an option and your issues may be psychological or emotional. Heal yourself. We are not all born the same and not everyone has a fantastic or impressive brain or equally deep and impressive pockets. Simply learn to appreciate yourself, be realistic about your body and practice better self-image. Learn to love the skin you live in.

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Be approachable but not desperate. Join some groups, clubs and activities. Take some courses and classes that interest you. It seems the problem is not attraction or initial interest but maintaining interest. This attitude that guys are superficial is your worst enemy.

if somehow they are interested it never lasts long. I do everything I can to be as attractive as I can do advice like “get in shape, eat healthy, get a nice haircut/makeup” is not relevant
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So you actually have had men interested in you but didn’t last long.


Therefore the question you should be raising is not how to attract a guy (you have successfully done that) but how to keep them?

And the glaringly obvious answer is in your own post!

Stop considering yourself to be unattractive! Because that right there is the most off putting thing to anyone.


You were attractive to these men until you decided you weren’t. Not them!

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Well, keep in mind that there are plenty of guys out there who are either average or unattractive themselves. Are you trying to get the attention of guys who are hot? Maybe you're going for the wrong guys? I genuinely believe that there really is someone out there for everyone. There are some people out there who are not shallow, even men who are not shallow. You do see some men who are going out with quite an obese woman, woman in a wheelchair, etc. And I mean, of course unattractive women, obese women and women (and men) in a wheelchair deserve to find love just like everyone else. I think the key here is not to go for people "out of your league" so to speak and to try to seek out guys who would give you a chance. E.g. if maybe the guy is not a looker or is shy and may really want a girlfriend, but women also don't give him a chance. I wouldn't bother using online dating, especially not Tinder which actually is a very shallow hookup app where most people only care about looks and getting sex. Try to meet guys in real life by starting conversations and getting to know them. Be more proactive and come up to guys yourself and ask guys out yourself. I know it's not fair but while a pretty girl can just stand there and guys will flock to her, if you haven't got the looks then you have to work a bit harder.

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You forgot the last step....confidence, flirty/sexy, feminine, outgoing, smiling, happy, intelligent, easy going=positive attitude/personality. If you don't have that positive vibe, or be able to carry on a intellectual conversation with a man, you still won't capture and hold the attention of one.


Trust me on this one....my experience with this: some of my job includes dealings over the phone with sales people,etc. There have been a few times, a guy would end up having a total crush on me, and we have never met, they have no idea what I look like at all. I keep the conversations professional with some personal topics, but never anything sexual/romantic, but I'm cheerful, funny/witty and just make their day (as I have been told).


I guess what I'm saying is you also need to be charming, get not just with the eyes, but emotionally too. Guys are not all knuckle draggers only going for pretty.

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I Think there's lots of good advice here.


I would also recommend some therapy to try to minimize your insecurities. You're right, there's only so many things you can do to improve your looks, but you also have to improve your mindset and personality, which does dictate how people are attracted to you. :-)


Looks matter for most people. But there's a lot of times I end up falling for people most others might not consider all that attractive, but I see them as knockouts because they're a lot of fun, or we have a great chemistry.

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Boo, what are you talking about? youve been on 4 dates/meets this year alone based on your posts...


Its not your looks, you need to work on your self esteem and confidence, be comfortable with who you are, desperation, self loathing, low self esteem chase men away, you get them on the dates so its not your looks, recognize that. Also what league are you aiming for? Nothing wrong with having high standards, just recognize the rate of failure is a bit higher...


Ok I’ll just put it out there I really want a boyfriend but am having the hardest time meeting someone who is interested in me and vice versa. I’m quite shy and have a really hard time showing a guy I am interested in real life and online well I’ve been on a few dates, none have worked out, most have not liked me and some I have not liked. I’ve even lowered my standards and that didn’t work either. I don’t know what to do? I’m sick of being single always. My relationships in the past usually only last a few months and end pretty badly. I can’t flirt with guys either, I just feel like they will be repulsed by me. I’m not super repulsive, I have good hygiene, we’re normal kind of fashionable clothes (have my own style), am a bit alternative, keep fit, am socially awkward, and kind. The feedback from bfs I have had is they always think I’m not into them (even when I extremely am) maybe I come across as asexual or something? Being shy I’ll admit I only have a tiny circle of close friends so don’t have the opportunity to meet friends of friends and so forth. I’m 32 by the way. Any advice??


Your looks are not the issue.

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Nothing is more attractive than self confidence, ability and skill set. Focus on yourself and become successful in your own right. Before you know it you'll be pushing through an open door both professionally and socially.


When I was younger, I gave up seeking a man. I never dated in high school, never had a boyfriend, never attended any dances, formals nor prom. In college, I never dated, never had a boyfriend. I said to heck with it so I went my own way. I concentrated on my career instead. Then lo and behold, I began to run in the same circles of others who were also concentrating on the fast track in life. My whole world opened up to me socially. Birds of a feather flock together. I eventually married a great man, raised a family and my BFF recently told me I had a 'Cinderella story.'


I came from a disadvantaged background, divorced and widowed struggling single parent mother. I helped her financially support my younger siblings. During those years, I never dated, never had a boyfriend.


Some people are late to the party or late bloomers as they say. I was one of them and your life isn't over yet!


Work on yourself, build your self esteem and remember to build your self confidence! Focus on your success and later it will be like bees to honey.

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