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So I’ve been dating this guy for six weeks. We see each other once a week.By our second date(second week) things got heavy and we had sex. I’ve always been the one to hold out on a guy but our chemistry was on point so I was down to have fun that night. I’ve always been in serious relationships. We are both 27. I like him and I was worried that he would judge me for sleeping with him too soon but he kept wanting to see me without having sex. 2 times. We go bowling, dinners. Since then I’ve noticed that the calls slow down. He’ll let 2/3 days go by before checking in. I tried to let him do most of the calling to see how invested he is. last night we had sex for the second time and He didn’t call me today. I’m upset. Is it wrong for me to want a courtesy call? It’s the gentleman thing to do. Like I said I like him but not sure if I want a serious relationship with him because I want to see him/talk to him more. Do y’all think it’s a friends with benefits relationship? I’m not into that, I’m emotional af lol. And I suggested dropping me home after sex at 3am? He agreed lol I was hoping he’ll convince me to stay the night but he drove me home. Is that bad?

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Have you guys had any sort of talks about what you’re looking for, what your intentions are? By six weeks that stuff tends to come up pretty casually.

 

I can’t help but feel you’re doing a lot of testing but not a lot of talking, that you’ve been technically intimate without much intimacy. I don’t mean some serious “what is this to you?” stuff but just the basic “who are you and what are you all about?” stuff.

 

As for him not calling after sex? Yeah, that’s lame and never the best sign. But as for him driving you home? Not lame, since you asked him to. He maybe failed your test, but he respected your wishes. Could there be any chance that you’re really keeping that “emotional af” side of yourself in a vault and he’s just mirroring you?

 

You say you’re not sure if you’d like a serious relationship until talking to him more. But to talk to him you have to, you know, talk to him.

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So I’ve been dating this guy for six weeks. We see each other once a week.By our second date(second week) things got heavy and we had sex. I’ve always been the one to hold out on a guy but our chemistry was on point so I was down to have fun that night. I’ve always been in serious relationships. We are both 27. I like him and I was worried that he would judge me for sleeping with him too soon but he kept wanting to see me without having sex. 2 times. We go bowling, dinners. Since then I’ve noticed that the calls slow down. He’ll let 2/3 days go by before checking in. I tried to let him do most of the calling to see how invested he is. last night we had sex for the second time and He didn’t call me today. I’m upset. Is it wrong for me to want a courtesy call? It’s the gentleman thing to do. Like I said I like him but not sure if I want a serious relationship with him because I want to see him/talk to him more. Do y’all think it’s a friends with benefits relationship? I’m not into that, I’m emotional af lol. And I suggested dropping me home after sex at 3am? He agreed lol I was hoping he’ll convince me to stay the night but he drove me home. Is that bad?

 

Stop playing games. If you ask a guy to drive you home after sex and don't stay and ask to leave in the middle of the night, he may take that as a rejection , but if he is a gentleman, he will do as you request and drive you home. Are you expecting him to argue with you and say "noo...please stay". Guys are extra scared because of all the "Me too" stuff and if a woman has sex with him and wants to leave - he lets her. To me, YOU should be calling him letting you know you had a great time so he knows all is well and suggest plans for the next date.

 

Don't play the game of deciding you won't communicate unless he calls first. Guys are just as nervous wondering if you didn't have a good time because you didn't call him. you may both be hoping the other one calls. So if you want to see him again, tell him you had a great time. Also, how is the date ending? Is he saying "do you like Mexican. What about Friday night?" and then he doesn't call until he cofirms on Thursday?

 

Honestly, if you like him and want to see him again, be a bit more responsive than playing games - its time you suggested some dates

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You’re absolutely right. We never had “the talk” I was avoiding that at first because I wasn’t sure if I wanted a relationship. again I want more time with him to know him. But I’m not getting enough calls. And not calling after sex kind of made me feel used so I’m a little reluctant to put myself out there

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You are right about me playing games. I’m scared of being played so I try to put a guard up. I know it’s silly because I’m an adult. Our dates end with I had fun. Text me when you get home. He does and I don’t hear from him for two days.

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I'm a bit confused, I admit.

 

In this post you are 27, but in a post two months ago you were 29. And that last post? It was about a nebulous and painful relationship—right on the heels of an abusive relationship—that, best I can tell, ended maybe two weeks before you met the nebulous guy we're talking about here?

 

Are you sure you want to be dating right now? It really helps to know ourselves before we start trying to get to know others, and it seems you're in a wobbly enough state that you're struggling to know how old you are, let alone what you want, what you're ready for, and how to go about all that in a productive manner.

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I don't know. It seems like a little bit of game playing and playing coy and hard to get. I think you reached a point where you can be equally reciprocal and initiating. I fully agree, you've got to let the guy take the lead at first, but it's fully exhausting to have to be the only one to always do it, and with no real "feedback" or expression of interest by you initiating, he might be growing tired of always having to do all the work and feeling insecure that you feel the same for him. I mean, at this point you should be initiating at least on a 40/60 basis...he still takes the lead. Game playing and being coy only goes so far. You've shared body parts.

 

You slept with him, then withheld, slept with him again, and made a quick exit at 3 a.m., making him do the drive. Hint -- have your own transportation or don't plan on sleepovers until you're comfortable with staying until a reasonable hour to be transported home or take public transport.

 

I don't know if this relationship has just run it's course, or you are simply too exhausting to maintain.

 

Don't plan stories in your head that when you express your desire to go home, he begs you to stay as some sort of demonstration of his undying love for thou...it never works out that way. You wanted to go home, so he took you home, as any gentleman would do. He has seen you once a week. He has taken you to dinner, bowling, and spent time with you, and drove you home at the ungodly hour of 3 a.m. It all sounds pretty great if you would just relax and not place a lot of rules and fantasy on it...just enjoy and let it unfold...this includes you making efforts and reciprocate. Guys need to feel loved and and assured you're into them every bit as much women need these assurances.

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Do you feel you've given yourself time to process that last relationship?

 

Two weeks before meeting this guy—unless I have it wrong—you were in love with someone else, lashing out at him, a lot of pain and drama. Are you still involved in all that? Still in touch with him or hoping for him to come around?

 

A lot of times we end up playing games because we are very hurt and scared to be hurt. The problem with games is that we just play ourselves, in the end, much like the problem with using new romance to treat old wounds often just leads to more pain.

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Yes I’m over that drama. We have zero contact. I didn’t contact him since that last post. I’m not 100% over it but I know I NEVER want my ex In my life again. Hes blocked. That’s why I’m confused about what I want. With what I’ve been through, I told myself I was done with dating for at least 6 months but I met this new guy and he convinced me to go out with him. Like I said he’s been great just want to talk to him more. Maybe we can be friends but with no benefits. Or be together once I’m ready. I just want to know if it’s bad that he’s not calling me after sex

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I just want to know if it’s bad that he’s not calling me after sex

 

Honestly, this sounds like the last thing to be worried about.

 

You're all over the map. This guy didn't "convince" you to go out with him. You're an adult—27 or 29, depending on the day and dude—and you went out with him because you wanted to. You had sex with him because you wanted to. That's all fine, adult stuff.

 

Less fine is that you seem to want guys to tell you who you are, what you want, and what you're worth, rather than giving yourself some time to ask and answer those questions yourself so you can share it all, clearly, with a guy.

 

Whether this new guy is super into you, on the fence, not gentlemanly enough, or whatever is beside the point. You are turning him into a toy, a little game. So while you say you're over that other drama what you're doing, not quite consciously, is creating more.

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By the sounds of it, you're becoming someone to just have sex with whenever he gets the urge.

 

It can happen if you lead with sex.

 

To be honest, it's pretty bad if he can't even be bothered to message you the next day after he's had sex with you.

That's a fairly big sign that he's not emotionally invested in you and it's just sex.

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Did you give him a courtesy call the day after having sex?

 

You are clearly not in a relationship with this guy and you both mutually consented to having sex outside of a relationship.

Why is it up to him to give you a courtesy call?

And what would a courtesy call entail in your opinion? Thanks for your warm vagina?

Did you message him with a thanks for your hard Willy?

 

Seriously??? You had sex with a guy you are not in a relationship with and want what after?

You asked to get dropped home. He politely did that.

 

Geez I’m a female and I’m confused.

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Stop playing games. Phone calls are not "payment" for sex that's a twisted way to think. If his communication style doesn't suit you end it rather than thinking putting him in the friendzone will inspire him to call you.

he’s been great just want to talk to him more. Maybe we can be friends but with no benefits. I just want to know if it’s bad that he’s not calling me after sex
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Are you in the military/police?

 

So you are wondering if he likes you by counting how many times he calls you. Yet, he has sex with you. I'd say he's interested.

 

Phone calls are not really necessary, dates are....and phone calls are primarily to set dates. Talk on the date.

 

I would think that if you really wanted to get to know him before you got serious, you would not be having sex with him.

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28, 29 guy A guy B, I don’t know but what I do know is

 

I know the feeling. I was at that exact same place 3 months ago. My heart was broken. You know what I did? I prayed every day, Seek therapy, get new hobbies. I know you tired of everyone saying give it time, I was too. But it’s absolutely true. You have to give it time. Some days are going to be ok and others a little harder but you eventually going to start caring less. Like the messages above said dating is only going to help you temporary. It doesn’t take the feeling away. You have to give yourself time to let go. TRUST ME IT WILL GET BETTER!!!!!

I’m living proof!!!

 

 

Your own advise to others fits advise to give yourself pretty well.

 

 

Give yourself time to heal in the grand scheme of things three weeks is a blip And he was an attempt to rebound that kinda imploded

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Calls then to fizzle out. It is all exciting and new during the first couple of weeks. He may not really be a phone person. I'm not really to be fair. Would rather text and plan to meet in person and talk for hours that way. Doesn't mean the relationship is dying in fact for me it means it is getting stronger. But everyone is different.

 

Also he is a man! No offense to anyone else. I have male friends I've gone to in the past tell me that you have to spell out what you want. Men don't read into the little details.

 

So by you asking for a lift home how was he to know that he should have put up a fight for you to stay. Also I would feel a little offended of after sex someone asked for a lift home at like 3am and not stayed. It may have made him feel you was not interested. As the best part of sex when getting to know someone is that sweaty cuddle then falling alseep together; then waking up and going for another round (I know other will disagree). So going home and not sharing that with a partner may have bruised their ego.

 

So because he didn't message after and what happened that night I wouldn't take it to heart.

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