serverwalker Posted May 30, 2019 Share Posted May 30, 2019 Hello! Just try to see what options I can take with my GF. Right now we have been together for more than a year now. We are living together at my place, and recently I just feel mistreated and anxious now when I am near her. Reasons why: 1. Issue: She wants me to adapt to her method of housework (which I am more messy/clutter type and clean once a week) she wants the place to be near speck clean and sighs or raises her voice at me when I misplace a toothpaste. Answer: She thinks I don't clean up after myself and which I do at my pace, not hers but it is getting to a point where I am paranoid if I misplaced a remote now. 2. I pay the majority of rent, to put in %, I pay 91% while she pays 9% (though given I make more) and we promised to split later down the line about 65% to 35%, that agreement was overdue 5 months ago. Answer: She is in debt and I agreed for her to pay some off to pay rent later, idk how that is going honestly. I bring it from time to time but she says, you are basically paying your rent as if I am not here. 3. The apartment is moved in with all her items and decoration, mine had to be put away and now I am left with one side of the closet for mine while nearly all the desk/other 2 closets and area are filled with hers Answer: I am a nerd, I collect nerd and had it decorated as I wanted. She was accepting at first but now she doesn't want much if not all outside and eggs me to put them in a storage. 4. Majority of the time I pay for meals for the both of us. Answer: It gets expensive, I understand that maybe cause I get more pay that I may have to pay, but sometimes it is too expected and she gives a subtle attitude like why are you struggling with your finance? She apparently had a bad relationship with her ex that traumatized her when they had to go 50/50 for everything she told me about this and I didn't mind it at first But this is crippling my finance, I am not expecting 50/50 but some help from time to time or some gesture, if I don't ask her to pay then it ends up being me. 5. She says "we should clean/buy/move" but usually it ends up being most of the time me. Answer: pretty straightforward she say we, but it becomes me. She makes a mess and I clean up after her in the past. 6. She has depression and when she does have an episode, she says things that are hurtful ex:you should find yourself a new gf that is more suitable to you) Answer: Sometimes this is hard to deal with, I tried different approaches and insure that I care for her or give another perspective in life but she is still the same. 7. We bicker/argue nearly 4 times a week average about reasons 2, 4,5 mainly. Answer: This part stresses me out, I personally don't like conflicts but this happens for some small reason and really ruins the day. 8. If I fail at some expectations of hers then she gets mad/sarcastic/or sad ex: I don't kiss her goodnight, she gets angry or says like you don't love me Answer: It feels like I have to be robotic and remember the routines that she expects to make sure that she is happy and not angry. Now recently I believe these are getting worse, I tried to confront her and be blunt about how I feel (been addressing the 8 reasons to her). I am a person that doesn't want to repeat myself over and over but here I am in this relationship where there is little to no progress but what I see. Some topics of what I've said to her: 1. Sure I need to clean up and be more tidy but not at her pace. Her Answer: You need to learn how to clean up after yourself and I don't want the place cluttered 2. I feel sometimes that I contribute more to the relationship than her financially and it is taking a toll on my finance Her Answer: she takes this to great offense and say that who takes care your health? (honestly she tells me to the doctors all the time) 3. I feel that we fighting a lot and why is that? Her Answer: If you think we are fighting a lot, then why don't you break up with me then? My patience is worn out and it is getting hard to fight with her or appease to her anymore. What can be done from this point if being honest to her about these problems are not getting any better? When I am honest with her of how I feel in this relationship, she replies back in anger mainly. Any advise or thoughts from any others would be great Link to comment
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