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Worried Boyfriend Might Have Fertility Issues.


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My bf is 33, we have been together close to 3 years now & have recently decided that we are going to start trying for a baby in September this year.

 

I wanted to know your thoughts on a couple things & if you think I have reason to be concerned.

 

- Bf has never had a high sex drive, 95% of the time I am the one initiating it, he is happy to have sex when we do so its not that he doesnt enjoy it. He also doesnt masturbate (we talk openly about these things and I know he is honest) because he prefers sex. Can easily go 7-10 days without any sort of release

- NEVER wakes up with "morning wood"

- Sometimes when we get hot and heavy with eachother and about to have sex, he will take quite a while to get hard. Sometimes I can be giving him a BJ & he will still not get hard. This doesnt happen all of the time (he tends to get hard way more quickly when we have not had sex in 5-8 days).

- 98% of the time he does eventually get hard & we proceed to have sex without any issues, but oftentimes he will only get REALLY hard once he is inside of me. I have rarely seen him with a VERY strong erection before entering me, most of the time it is "medium" hard

- the remaining 2%, luckily doesnt happen often, he will lose his erection at some point or just really not get hard at ALL no matter what

 

After doing a lot of online research I found this is most likely linked to low testosterone, which in turn is linked to a low sperm count... And since I am wanting to conceive more than anything in the world this year, naturally I am worried we will be facing issues.

 

If anyone has some advice, experience in this subject or can ease my mind a little please let me hear it.

 

Also, yes, I do want him to get checked by a doctor. Thing is that he is going through a really stressful period right now because he was just promoted to supervisor on Monday & there are many issues at work. Therefore, I cannot really add to that stress right now by suggesting he might have sperm issues & to get checked.

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My bf is 33, we have been together close to 3 years now & have recently decided that we are going to start trying for a baby in September this year.

 

I wanted to know your thoughts on a couple things & if you think I have reason to be concerned.

 

- Bf has never had a high sex drive, 95% of the time I am the one initiating it, he is happy to have sex when we do so its not that he doesnt enjoy it. He also doesnt masturbate (we talk openly about these things and I know he is honest) because he prefers sex. Can easily go 7-10 days without any sort of release

- NEVER wakes up with "morning wood"

- Sometimes when we get hot and heavy with eachother and about to have sex, he will take quite a while to get hard. Sometimes I can be giving him a BJ & he will still not get hard. This doesnt happen all of the time (he tends to get hard way more quickly when we have not had sex in 5-8 days).

- 98% of the time he does eventually get hard & we proceed to have sex without any issues, but oftentimes he will only get REALLY hard once he is inside of me. I have rarely seen him with a VERY strong erection before entering me, most of the time it is "medium" hard

- the remaining 2%, luckily doesnt happen often, he will lose his erection at some point or just really not get hard at ALL no matter what

 

After doing a lot of online research I found this is most likely linked to low testosterone, which in turn is linked to a low sperm count... And since I am wanting to conceive more than anything in the world this year, naturally I am worried we will be facing issues.

 

If anyone has some advice, experience in this subject or can ease my mind a little please let me hear it.

 

Also, yes, I do want him to get checked by a doctor. Thing is that he is going through a really stressful period right now because he was just promoted to supervisor on Monday & there are many issues at work. Therefore, I cannot really add to that stress right now by suggesting he might have sperm issues & to get checked.

Then I'd wait.

 

Normally, I'd say it is what it is in terms of his sex drive and performance. But if you two are actively trying for a baby and this is complicating it, I think it's worth approaching even if just from an efficiency standpoint. Just a bad time to go about it. I'd let him settle in and then have a conversation on how you two can make the family planning work.

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I think you are jumping the gun. There is really no evidence you will have fertility problems. Fertility “work ups” are not recommended or typically performed unless you have been trying to get pregnant for at least six months and more commonly 1 year. Certainly if you’re unhappy with your sex life, you can address that, but to assume infertility is a big leap.

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I agree with sophie. Just because he has a difficult time getting erect does not mean he has poor sperm quality. On average, it takes healthy couples 12 months of actively trying to get pregnant without success to be considered to have low fertility. Most specialists won’t even see you before then unless there’s some sort of pre-disposed issue.

 

I know it’s discouraging when it doesn’t happen right away. Believe me, it took us three years of trying and we pretty much believed it would never happen, but it did. Don’t stress, just pay attention to your cycles and it will happen. If after a year you’ve had no luck, then start investigating.

 

Good luck on your baby journey!!

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Tell him to cut out:

1) Pot

2) Booze

3) Soda

4) Cigarettes

 

And take supplements:

Gingko Biloba to increase oxygen levels

 

Have sex two or three days before your ovulation date, on your date, and 2 to three days after your ovulation date. Girl and Boy sperm are different. And fresh sperm is very good!!

 

Not having daily morning wood at 33 is an issue. But that may not tie into low sperm counts. Getting your sperm checked takes just putting your donation into a cup...not long as all. Go with him to get him stimulated.

 

If you are in your 30's, very normal to take up to a year to get prego.

 

And also, for you, cut out all the above to, and make sure your BMI is in check. Also, start folic acid now.

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You weren't planning to try to conceive until September, so it's not as though you've given nature a chance yet, correct? Why spin over a problem prematurely when you don't know if it exists?

 

If you've been on the pill, YOUR system may need time to ramp up to operating naturally. I'd address that, first, then see how conception goes.

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Fertility has nothing to do with sexual desire. He can have a very high sperm count and just not want to have sex.

 

I think that you need to slow your roll and not try for a baby. Why not decide if this guy is the one you will marry before just "let's try for a baby." Does this relationship satisfy you? What happens when a baby is born? Who has custody? Will you both work oppposite schedules so you can care for the baby? Its not just something to do just because.

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Good luck on your baby journey!!

 

Thank you!! :) I am beyond excited to start that new journey in our life! Baby fever has been driving me crazy these past years haha.

 

You weren't planning to try to conceive until September, so it's not as though you've given nature a chance yet, correct? Why spin over a problem prematurely when you don't know if it exists?

 

If you've been on the pill, YOUR system may need time to ramp up to operating naturally. I'd address that, first, then see how conception goes.

 

I was hoping someone could ease my mind is all, and to get any advice I may not have heard/thought of before. I do think that I valid reason to be concerned, but yes, of course I wont know for sure until we start trying or get him checked...

 

Have not been on the pill in about 5 years now, nor any other type of birth control except for condoms during my ovulation period.

 

 

Tell him to cut out:

1) Pot

2) Booze

3) Soda

4) Cigarettes

 

And take supplements:

Gingko Biloba to increase oxygen levels

 

Have sex two or three days before your ovulation date, on your date, and 2 to three days after your ovulation date. Girl and Boy sperm are different. And fresh sperm is very good!!

 

Not having daily morning wood at 33 is an issue. But that may not tie into low sperm counts. Getting your sperm checked takes just putting your donation into a cup...not long as all. Go with him to get him stimulated.

 

If you are in your 30's, very normal to take up to a year to get prego.

 

And also, for you, cut out all the above to, and make sure your BMI is in check. Also, start folic acid now.

 

I already take folic acid and both my boyfriend and I live a very healthy lifestyle: neither one of us smokes, drinks much, consumes soda (water all the way). We also hit the gym several times a week & eat a healthy diet.

 

Thank you for your tips & your advice regarding the morning wood and sperm count. I did read up on lack of morning wood and every site I checked, every video I watched, said that it points to a health issue/potential health issue of some sort. I did talk to him a little about it yesterday and he said he would not mind getting his testosterone etc. checked out.

 

I am 27 BTW :)

 

I did not get pregnant for 9 years . We were not preventing but not actively trying. Turns out it was me with fertility issues . My husband never had a super high drive didn’t make him infertile.

 

Sorry to hear that it took 9 years... I cannot even begine to imagine. I do know that I am fertile though, as I have gotten pregnant many years ago, way before I met my bf (however did not go through with the pregnancy for several reasons).

 

Fertility has nothing to do with sexual desire. He can have a very high sperm count and just not want to have sex.

 

I think that you need to slow your roll and not try for a baby. Why not decide if this guy is the one you will marry before just "let's try for a baby." Does this relationship satisfy you? What happens when a baby is born? Who has custody? Will you both work oppposite schedules so you can care for the baby? Its not just something to do just because.

 

I agree that the lack of sex drive in of itself probably does not indicate poor sperm quality/motility/etc. but combined with everything else it does really seem like a testosterone problem (which can result in infertility) to me. Hence my wanting to post here to hear others thoughts & if maybe someone had the same issue with their bf/husband but everything turned out fine

 

I appreciate your input, but I dont really see why you would suggest waiting and reconsidering everything; the decision to start a family was not made impulsively or without thought. I have been wanting to be a mother for quite a while now, and we had talked about it a few times in the past but we always knew the timing was not "right" yet (not that it ever can be 100% right).

 

However at this point in my life, I have never been better physically and emotionally and I finally feel mentally ready for this step. So after talking about it at length in the beginning of April, we agreed that we are both ready for parenthood & that September will be a good month to start the process.

 

To answer your other questions; I knew from the start that he is the one I will marry, our relationship is rock solid, very loving & close and does satisfy me (luckily I dont have the highest sex drive in the world either), and we work the same schedule (which is not goign to change) so we are really lucky in that regard.

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I appreciate your input, but I dont really see why you would suggest waiting and reconsidering everything; the decision to start a family was not made impulsively or without thought. I have been wanting to be a mother for quite a while now, and we had talked about it a few times in the past but we always knew the timing was not "right" yet (not that it ever can be 100% right).

 

You talk about you wanting to be a mother, but what about all the other stuff as far as your relationship and why its the right time for a baby. btw, together 3 years -- there should not have been any "right" timing to plan a baby prior as you didn't know eachother long enough. Does he want a baby right now?

 

To answer your other questions; I knew from the start that he is the one I will marry, our relationship is rock solid, very loving & close and does satisfy me (luckily I dont have the highest sex drive in the world either), and we work the same schedule (which is not goign to change) so we are really lucky in that regard.

 

If you want to marry him, then marry him first.

 

For several reasons -- it legally establishes the family unit for the child, and it also gives a child confidence and the wedding won't be forgotten and pushed to the wayside.

 

When a baby comes, you will be so busy and the months and years will pass by quickly. You will make every intention to get married, but you will say "we need to save money" or "wait til the kid is older so can be babysat over night" Or "wait until the child can be in the wedding" I get that its the marriage, not the wedding that's important, but have the wedding when you both can enjoy it. If you wait until your pregnant - you will feel bloated, might not feel up to celebrating, etc and its really a tacky gift grab to have a wedding and then immediately a baby shower. And maybe later you will decide you wish you would not have been pregnant for wedding photos.

 

Technically, your parents are next of kin if anything should go south for you during delivery - your boyfriend may be able to make a decision for the baby if you are unconscious but not a medical decision for you. You would have to go through legal paperwork, where if he were your husband, it would be automatic. And if your parents disagreed about things - it would not matter if you were married, but if you were not, it would. What if you were unable to work for awhile because of a difficult delivery or if your child had a need? You could not be on his insurance unmarried and not receive any other benefits based on his employment.

 

A 1 year old may not know the difference between married/not married but my friend and i were both conceived before our parents were married and have younger siblings. She was actually born before her parents were married, my parents married just a week or two before i was born --- when i especially went through my teen years and when mom and dad wouldn't see eye to eye (nothing major, just a day to day thing), i would blame myself - that "they would not have had to marry if it was not for me". I mean, I am not putting any shade on parents who decided not to marry because they did not want to marry eachother - but if you want to - there is no reason not to.

 

There are many posters who have multiple kids - and wonders why the guy hasn't married them yet.

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At this point, there is no real reason to worry!

The best thing you can do is relax yourself as much as possible, enjoy this sweet spot in your relationship!

It's smart for both of you to see your doctors and let it be known you will be trying, they will steer you as you go and it's a source of comfort having that solid foundation with your doc. You know the rest, I'm sure.

 

Vacation in September?! Enjoy :)

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