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So... i have a lot to write and i hope you can read this and answer me cause i would be really thankful!

 

There is that guy i met online lets call him John...

So John and I been talking for 3 weeks now...but at the first 3 days of our chatting it felt like we knew each other for years! We have a bunch of things in common and we are a lot alike in our personalities...

We felt so close that we were really thinking that this cant be real and even were joking about being soulmates or having met in a past life...this feeling of instant connection was new for us both but we loved it!

In the 3rd day John even said he could come to my country and meet me(yeah we even live in different countries).He told me a several times that he liked me a lot and that he wants things to work between us.

 

But then suddenly he became distant i was worried that something was wrong and i did something wrong.

One day he told me that there is a reason he would be late at replying or he would say goodnight but still be online after that(without me asking for the reason).He suffers with severe depression and even tried to end his life.He said that because of this there are times he just cant talk and needs time to himself.I said that i totally understand this as i have been depressed and wanted to end my life too and that i will be trying to give him the time he needed.John said that he doent want to f*** things up so he is trying to keep talking to me. I know he has a real problem cause he is even skipping school and failing all the exams.I am worried about him and i know that there is nothing i can do to help him appart from just being there for him...

 

But now the real problem starts...One thing i cant stand is me feeling like i care more than others do...i have hurt a lot in the past because i cared too much and people didnt...I have told john only half of this...i just told him that i dont like the ''I wont reply so she thinks i am cool'' games and that i might get bored to easily but in fact i dont get bored but hurt.

So everytime i am writing him and he wont reply for hours i get hurt...i feel like he doesnt care even though he says he does...I get depressed and lose all my will to keep on living my everyday life...

 

I know he is a good guy and he has so many personality qualities i could say he is ideal for me...appart the fact that i need to talk and he doesnt have this need.

I feel like im stupid and crazy to take this so seriously...

Now 2 days back i texted him and he wanst replying like for 4 hours and i got depressed and so mad about the fact that i were looking at my phone hoping he replied every 5 minutes.So i decided to just delete all the apps i communicate with peole(even my friends). Im going through a hard period my self as Im having some really important exams that will determeine wheter ir not i will enter university so im full of stress and depressed as well...

 

Now i have no clue about what to do next...maybe i should talk to him about this? but im worried that this will make him feel bad...

Maybe i should stop talking with him? even though this is something i totally dont want but i cant keep on feeling this way anymore...

I want to be there for him but this situation is killing me...I feel like im too selfless and selfish at the same time.

 

I would really appreciate some advice!

Thank you if you read all this :smug:

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You have no more than three weeks of investment in this guy. You haven't even met him, and quite honestly, you know nothing about him.

 

My guess is that he's talking to several other women and giving them the same schtick about being depressed and needed time to blah blah blah.

 

And for YOU to say that you've lost your will to live your everyday life just because someone you don't even know hasn't texted you back indicates a huge problem that needs to be looked after. If you're that fragile, you need to get some professional help before you even think about entering any kind of relationship with anyone.

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People who start LDRs both have barriers to connecting in real life with partners they can REALLY get to know. Or, the person has other issues that prevent them from connecting with a local partner that is kept hidden from a long distance person, or the person in the other country has an ulterior motive such as money, or getting a green card, etc.

 

I limited myself to guys who lived within 45 minutes of my locality when I did OLD. I recommend that for a better catch and release program, allowing you to be free until you find someone who is worth keeping.

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I suggest therapy or at least some soul searching to understand why you're losing your will to live and investing so much in a man you've only talked for 3 weeks and don't even know in person. What is causing such attachment at such early stage? And do you have commitment issues that make it so that you over invest so much in non local people? This is important to reflect on if you want to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship in the future.

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John is not your responsibility or someone you should worry about.

It is always a red flag when someone who should be trying to impress another, instead tries to invoke sympathy by talk of depression , suicide etc.

 

But it sounds like John is not the only one doing that. You are too.

 

Delete John. And work on your own issues. Worrying about another is only you distracting yourself from what you should be doing, worrying about you!

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You don't know this person, OP. He is a fantasy at this point, not your other half.

 

We can never know someone before we meet them and spend ample time with them in person. For all you know, this man is married or not otherwise who he says he is. He could be talking to several women and telling them all the same sad story. He isn't your responsibility whatsoever.

 

Please, do follow the others' advice and get some good professional help. It is very troubling that you don't feel the will to live over this; it indicates that you have much more serious issues that need to be addressed.

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Yes, stop talking to him. At this point he may be catfishing, scamming, in a relationship etc. Do not get caught up in cyber "relationships". Get on dating apps and message and meet guys locally. Stop hiding behind a screen and get out there to meet real people in real life. You'll be happier that way.

There is that guy i met online lets call him John...So John and I been talking for 3 weeks

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Have you met in person? Because if not, he could be anyone. You can't believe whomever you find online.

 

He is more than likely talking to more women than just you online or he could even have a girlfriend. Its not depression keeping him away, that's for sure.

 

Try to meet guys who live nearby so you can see them in person and know for certain who they are.

 

John sounds like he's playing games.

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First of all thank you all for the answers:smug:

Second i want to make some things clear...my mental health is fine except the fact that im going trough a hard period because i study a lot and i get over stressed about stupid things lately

When i said i cant go on with my everyday life i did not mean that i want to die or something but just that the thought of someone(anyone) being a snob stresses me and i start thinking that I might be boring or that i said something wrong

About the title i guess you misunderstood some things...I mentioned that we were joking about being soulmates(of course i dont believe i can know if he is just by chatting and even more i generally do not believe in soumates)

I am not gonna lie im full of insecurities but it is under control!

And about me felling so easily close to someone is something that had never happened to me before!

Even more it is not like im afraid of going and meeting real people! I can and i do have a personal life, real friends,dreams e.t.c

I have met although some great people from all around the world that I do know are real cause i have met some of them

And i know he doesnt have a fake profile cause we had a video call twice and i could see him talking and obviously he is not any old man trying to seduce me

About him flirting with other girls that indeed can be true and even him having a girlfriend and just playing with me...

I just hope he is a normal guy that just likes me and i just want to keep talking with him(and believe me i know how to handle different situations online cause i have talked with so many people online)

 

But still i would like to know your opinions what should i do if we suppose he is just a normal guy

Thank you again:D

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It's easy to fall in love with the fantasies we can create 'about' a person we've never even met. People do this with celebrities all the time. Skip that. If someone isn't within a realistic radius to meet in person, and in PLACE OF cyber 'stuff,' then they're not your match.

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When you are in a low place, you are at risk of seeing a connection that isn't really there. Having things in common is nice, but isn't a requirement for a good relationship, and even if you have that, is really only a starting place.

 

Since it sounds like BOTH of you are in a low place, the intense attachment you both may feel or have felt probably has more to do with the holes you each have in your lives rather than any kind of soul mate nonsense. This kind of connection, especially when it appears in a lot of texting/chatting where it is very easy to read things into the text that aren't really there, and without being based on in person development, is a flimsy foundation.

 

Looking at your phone every 5 minutes hoping for a response isn't love.

 

It's anxiety.

 

Try to focus on your exams for now and let the rest pass naturally.

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You can't make fantasies up about someone online.

 

If it's real, he will be coming to see you or visa versa and you'll be spending time in person. It's literally been 3 weeks since you met this person and you think that's enough time to consider him your other half? It shows how inexperienced you are.

 

He could be anyone and telling you lies. You can't know someone that fast and if it's not in person, then you really don't know what you're dealing with.

 

Now he's basically ignoring you.

 

Honestly, you need to find someone who lives near by and have an actual relationship and not made up.

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  • 2 weeks later...
People who start LDRs both have barriers to connecting in real life with partners they can REALLY get to know. Or, the person has other issues that prevent them from connecting with a local partner that is kept hidden from a long distance person, or the person in the other country has an ulterior motive such as money, or getting a green card, etc.

 

I limited myself to guys who lived within 45 minutes of my locality when I did OLD. I recommend that for a better catch and release program, allowing you to be free until you find someone who is worth keeping.

 

I disagree. I dated guys locally and then one day met someone on my photography blog with whom I had way too many mutual hobbies, etc. We broke up after a few years, but regardless, the LDR didn't have anything to do with ulterior motives or troubles connecting to people in real life.

 

To OP: Like others said, it's only been 3 weeks. He may seem like your other half, but it's just not possible to even know him at this early point. Focus on your studies and do your best to not stress so much over this too :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

It's amazing how much you can have in common with someone you have never met. In reality, you probably have more in common with people you've never met...BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW THEM. What does "we have so much in common" actually mean? You both like music? You both drive cars? You both have mothers?

The internet is a funny thing. There are formulas. Have you noticed the ads on your Facebook page? Do you see how they are geared toward you? Meeting a guy online is the result of the same type of thing. You were in the same cyberplace at the same time due to common interests.

 

Maybe you should try to talk to people in person. You can still chat with him, but keep healthy boundaries. Don't put too much of yourself into it. And don't expect much from him--he is in a different country after all!

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  • 8 months later...

This is not real OP. It feels like it is, but he could be a 75 year old man for all you know. More than likely he will have lots of girls on the go and sometimes these guys are bisexual and have a couple of lads on the go at same time. They are playing everyone except themselves. They will come out with anything and everything to play there sick fantasy games or get sex. They often don't view people online as real people..so do whatever. there are so many players on there and liars it's unbelievable. Many of these people dont care if you get hurt as they have another one to choose from. If you are sensitive person or have pre mental issues e.g anxiety, then online dating can be a nightmare. Its very easy to 'fall in love' with the 'ideal prince' online. They are rarely ever princes ! Start dating REAL people near you and do yourself a big favor.

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Now i have no clue about what to do next...maybe i should talk to him about this? but im worried that this will make him feel bad...

Maybe i should stop talking with him? even though this is something i totally dont want but i cant keep on feeling this way anymore...

I want to be there for him but this situation is killing me...I feel like im too selfless and selfish at the same time.

 

Sounds like you are prone to rumination. It's a natural response to a problematic situation, but as you see here, it can also cause anxiety and depression. You should try to develop an awareness of when it is happening. Sometimes rumination can distort your thoughts and affect your mood. Awareness will limit its power over you.

 

I googled "why do people ruminate?" and this article showed up. It seems pretty informative.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/test-case/201012/why-do-we-ruminate

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