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My first post - I'm a broken man

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Hi, everybody.


Yeah, that's as positive and excited I get these days...


I weigh far too much, I struggle with depression (and still i drink during the weekends) and a lack of motivation, I skip work alarmingly often, I have no energy to spend time with my kids, there is little romance between my wife and I. That's me in a nutshell these days.


15 years ago (I'm 35 now) I still had mental health problems, but my life was nowhere near as bad as it is now.


My doctor gets me motivated from time to time, but I don't see her often enough.


The worst part is that I'm all alone in all this. I lie to everybody about why I skip work and how I'm really feeling. I lie to myself too, and when I catch myself (which is every time, obviously), I feel like s**t.


Please help me! I don't know how much longer I can take this! I've tried, and tried, and tried to motivate myself and make some changes, but a part of me just doesn't care anymore.





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You sound very depressed and like you are having some other problems -- you need professional help and you need it now. Drinking on the weekends is not helping this situation and your children need a present father. The fact that your doctor "motivates" you but doesn't send your for a psych evaluation and other help is very concerning -- you obviously need a different doctor. Go to an urgent care TODAY, tell them what is going on and start getting the help you need.

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Ah I just dropped my first post too, so hello.


While many people have a certain amount of positivity about them, I would say most of it comes from outside i.e. the people around you, your work, hobbies, family and friends. To me its something you have to work to surround yourself in as best you can. In your position, I can understand the predicament of actually picking yourself up to get yourself going, but in your case it seems like something that you need to build on.


For example, if negative people surround you, you're going to feel that in waves and it will only bring you down. Going to work regularly and holding a routine helps to keep your mind straight (or tidy) and everything will come to have its place. This is more of a snowball affect in my opinion and you creating that positivity will breed that in your family as well, they will enjoy seeing a happier husband/father and you will feel that in return. It may even give you the opportunity to rekindle that romance and ultimately you could aim to be a role model for others that struggle with mental health too, prove its possible to overcome and lead a happier life.


I know its easy to say but just each time you wake up, just summon that bit of motivation to do something a little different. Use it to ignore the negative draining people and use it to get more in touch with your colleagues at work - build a better environment for yourself.


I'm no expert so this is just my take but it never hurts to try - you've everything to gain.

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The good news is you have a lot of insight and take responsibility for the problems you're experiencing. Ok Try to get back to that doctor and be real honest about what's going on, including the drinking and inertia.


Get a complete physical and determine if there is some medical issues and treatments available. Also get a referral to a therapist where you can talk and sort some stuff out. Other than that check out Alcoholics anonymous and see if you could benefit from an in-person or online support groups.


These groups, a therapist and your doctor are resources where you can be honest, be yourself, skip the judgments and having to "fake it", and get some support so you won't feel so alone in all this.

I weigh far too much, I struggle with depression (and still i drink during the weekends) and a lack of motivation.


15 years ago (I'm 35 now) I still had mental health problems, but my life was nowhere near as bad as it is now.


My doctor gets me motivated from time to time, but I don't see her often enough.

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Please look at your kids faces every time you think about picking up a beer or taking your 3rd serving of food. is it fair to them?

Confess to your wife that you would like to get better. Ask her to ask you to go for a walk every night.

Take Vitamin D pills - go get some - if you are not getting any sunshine.

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Hi Rudderless,

Consider talking to a pastor at a nearby church. He might be able to give you some advice and truths that will not just motivate you but help you get on the right track to recovery. I have seen this, with a friend, very depressed, and he talked to a pastor near where he lived. He began to have a positive outlook in life. He continued to get therapy but the counseling from the pastor really made a difference.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Male 30.


Well sir. Posting is a really good thing to do. Forums keep me happy having a setting where I can anonymously tell the truth without all the overkill consequences.


Unfortunately my advice isn't going to be very comfortable.


I just got out of a severe depression scenario trying to move out of the big city to the suburbs while keeping my housing voucher. It was almost impossible and I had to stay with my parents for two months and we never get along. I lost my job at the same time and had to reapply to the apartment doubling the time it took and almost losing my voucher. It was the worst "almost" in the world.


It took me two months at my parents house literally laying in bed, smoking tobacco myself sick, reading at the library and walking around the beautiful spring flowery neighborhood block several times a day. Then when I finally got my new place I barely unpacked, and only just started to pay attention to wearing clean clothes.


If your depression is as bad as mine was, you might need to quit your job of you can at all financially afford to. You might need a several month time to recollect. Or just pace yourself steadily with every breath through out ever waking and sleeping moment until you even out those kinks in your brain.


On the other hand you've been lying to your wife. And she's got to understand what's going on.


Also as far as motivation goes. Think of yourself not having that job.


Think of everything you don't want and stay away from it. That is what motivation has always been to me.


But then think about what you think you don't want and think about if it's really bad or actually good.


For a long time pop culture has fused into my mind this idea of a life that was something I didn't want it wasn't even realisitc but because it was stuffed down my throat as propaganda every day for the last 20 years, I ate it and I thought it was what I wanted.


Tell yourself you are totally fine. And your motivation comes from what you want and what you don't want. And you have to be very careful about what you chose to want and don't want which depends on what you can possibly do or think of possibly being able to do that will get you that thing that you decided to want, until some other want or unwant over powers that particular want in question.


Cheers. V


It got better for me. But I had to re configure everything.


I encourage you to keep your family as the only foundation you should base all the other desires around, especially if she even gives a slight glance of "oh, no" when she hears you're struggling.


If you see the "oh, no" that means she loves you and doesn't want to leave you. Look for that "oh, no" eye when you tell her something's not right, and then when you see it, just turn everything around and take care of it yourself for the both of you.

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