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Hi everyone

Please bare with me as I’m new to this site!

Just looking for a bit to advise really and what would be the best course of action because I feel so lost

Broke up with my boyfriend of almost 5 years a month ago.. contact stopped 3 weeks ago. It was a mutual break up because things hadn’t felt right for awhile but ultimately his feelings had changed for me and he thought we weren’t living enough of a separate life.

A month before breaking up he was still saying I was the one and was talking about proposing.

I felt like the last 6 months I would practically have to beg him for attention and we had been in the situation before of almost breaking up so I always felt like I had to do everything I could to not upset him (putting his happiness before my own) but obviously that wasn’t ever going to be good enough.

Anyway when we broke up he said he hoped we could be possibly be together in the future and start again .. but now wasn’t the right time. He goes to America for a year in the summer. The last time we spoke we agreed there would be no contact (he wants to see me before he goes away) but we left it on a good note and I felt like there was some sense of closure. I work with his sister and he is going through a stressful time at the moment with his university. I asked her how he was and she’s been telling me all sorts. ‘He misses you.. he doesn’t know what to think.. he has to focus on his exams right now but I think he will be back in touch soon’ so now I feel like there are a million and 1 mixed messages because he told me we weren’t to have contact as it is too hard ... does he want to see me ? Does he want to get back together ? Does he want to talk ? I really feel like he doesn’t know what he wants and has just runaway from the situation. He is so changeable. I really need advise because now I feel so on edge and my anxiety is through the roof. I really thought he was the love of my life and we were going to get married etc. Do I make contact with him again to get final closure with what he wants ? Do I leave it and see if he makes contact and if he doesn’t then take that as my closure? Do I wait for him to possibly get back together in the future even though people change and that may not be an option? I’m really lost as to what to do because it really does feel like the relationship isn’t ‘done’ yet.

Any help would be appreciated as I feel like I’m loosing my mind.


Thank you x

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You broke up because he thought you weren't living enough of a separate life? That tells me that his feelings for independence have been building for quite a while.


It's regrettable that he left you with a morsel of hope about starting over again in the future. I think it's completely over, and no matter what his sister says, he isn't sitting around pining for you. Believe me. He's on a new adventure as a single guy and he's loving it.


Save yourself some dignity and don't contact him. Don't wait for him and put your life on hold. Get out, meet new people, and try to forget about him. That's my advice.

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I agree, stop asking about him through his sister and don't contact him. If he contacts you, revisit the idea of rekindling the relationship while keeping in mind, he needs to focus on his education first. Don't break his concentration because without an education, there is no future for both of you. Back off and give him a a lot of time and space. If he never contacts you, there is your answer. He has since moved on as should you.

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It seems sad now, but the freedom you'll have when he's gone will feel great. You'll be able to get back into your own life, interests, studies, friends and start dating boys who are more interested in you. The was just coasting along and you have out-grown each other. It's a new beginning for you.

He goes to America for a year in the summer.
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