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I insulted my boyfriend's family accidentally


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My bf and I have been dating for almost a year now, it was sweet at 1st but later we had issues that led to our break up, he said I talk to him anyhow and I have anger issues, he came back after a month and I accepted him back, it was sweet at 1st but after 2 weeks, he changed and he's doing as if he's no longer interested, if I ask him, he'll tell me he can't love anyone the way he did b4 and he's not feeling anything, I was confused and I left him for some time to get himself, he called back after a week saying stuffs like nothing is going right with him,i felt like this isnt right time to leave him and we got back together, after a while we got into a fight and I insulted his family(his dad left them)so I told him he's already taking his dad's footstep, making a woman unhappy just like his dad did to his mom and I told him mean words too, I wasn't in a good mood that day at all and I really didn't mean those words , he called back next morning and apologized for everything, at 1st he didnt take those words serious and later he stopped replying my message, I apologized and he told me he can never forgive me for wah I said,i tried begging him and he blocked me everywhere, unfortunately his mom and family heard about it, the brother called me and got really angry with me for the 1st time(he's always on my side) , even the mom abused me, been begging them since then,they aren't ready to listen to anything, the mom have blocked me too, I'm confused on what to do

I'm really sorry about it but they aren't ready to listen and I'm kinda feeling guilty because I know it will really hurt them,i don't know if I should just leave them alone since they've blocked me from messaging them and I don't have the courage to call any of them or I should keep begging with my roomie's phone

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On what planet is that an "accident?" Situations like this are cases in point for why I always balk at people who blanketly assume the partner who curses or yells in an argument is automatically the devil incarnate. Heard too many people say extremely cruel things like this which trump any curse word or name-call I can think of.


What a terrible thing to say. I'd honestly rather get punched than hear something like that if I were him. Get your anger in check. Leave this dude and his family alone. If there's anything you can do to even remotely redeem yourself, it's that.

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You feel "kinda guilty" about it. You weren't in a good mood that day. The mom 'abused' you.


You don't seem to realize just how awful your words were, and you don't really seem like you understand in the slightest the mountain of redemption you would have to climb to deserve forgiveness for it. You sound like you really only think about yourself.


If you want to have a good, healthy relationship one day, you will need to do some serious work on your self-control and anger. There is no excuse to say the most hurtful thing you can think of to a person you claim to love. Do some radical self-reflecting here and consider if you think someone who would say such things to you is a partner you would want in your life.

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You have experienced something that you will continue to experience until you get your impulsive meanness in check.


Most of us do not want to be around folks who are insulting and mean.


If I were to guess, you think that the insults and meanness are not who you are, that they do not define you since "most of the time" you are not that way.


But you know what? You indulge in this negativity to the point that others want away from you.


Explaining away the behavior, apologizing for it, none of that matters if it happens over and over.


So what can you do?


I recommend getting a professional counsellor skilled in anger management to help you out of this behavior pattern.

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We all say things we regret at some point. I don't think it's the sharp words but the manner in which you didn't respect his space and his honesty with you after the fact and continued to contact him and his family members which is very inappropriate. Forgive yourself for the things you said. He's out of your life now. Accept that and move forwards with grace. This is not the end of the world (far from it). Just a small bump in the road and a valuable lesson. Respect others enough to let go. It's enough - just let go and move on.

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Forgive yourself after you've atoned by making an honest effort to change your behavior, to understand why such behavior could never be tolerated by a family who has been through that. Especially the single mother raising multiple kids. At least two boys without their real father.


My best friend's dad left when he was 2, so he doesn't remember him at all. Later, his mom would marry a man that would get drunk and beat them both. She would literally send him to my house to protect him while she took the brunt of it.


I don't know your ex's story, but you might not know just how much they've struggled due to the missing father, and to compare him to that might have more impact than you could imagine.


But I do agree with Rose in that we all make mistakes. Sometimes giant ones. I definitely have. But you must learn from one such as this, and really do your best to change the part of you that would allow such nastiness.

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You're not the only one who has said words you cannot take back in a moment of weak anger. We all do. We all learn from our mistakes because everyone is human. Everyone is flawed. Chalk it up to another harsh lesson learned. You can't undo the past and while people forgive and heal without holding grudges, they'll never forget. Your bf is this way, same as his parents, his brother and his family. They have every right to be estranged from you.


I'm not proud of what I've said to people in my life whether family, relatives, extended relatives, friends and acquaintances. I've since learned that you have every right to think however way you wish as long as it stops at your mouth and in writing, too. This is the difference. You have freedom to think however way you wish and have your strong opinions. We all have that right because no one can control how you think. The real class act is always exercising self control. Think before you speak and write. Think about repercussions should you run your mouth off or write something you'll sorely regret later. Remorse is for yourself and unfortunately, others are done with you once you've crossed the line. Why? Because it's human nature to block you in their minds and electronically in order to prevent from getting hurt in the future. People are this way universally which comes as no surprise.


I've had people cut me off in the past due to my freedom of speech and writing but it was my folly because I should've known better than to say and write exactly how I feel. Believe me, it's not worth the severe backlash and estrangement tomorrow. Peace is best at all costs even if you must bite your tongue and look the other way to do it. Always be gracious even when others are not because you'll thank yourself later. Have class even in difficult situations and if all else fails in a bad situation, learn to get up and walk away. Decline to engage. You can't control others but you can control yourself and your atmosphere or environment with bad people in it. There is a way to do this.


On the opposite end of the spectrum, people including family such as relatives and in-laws as well as past friends or acquaintances have said very hurtful comments to me. I've since forgiven them, don't harbor any ill will. However, there is no way I can revert to my former naivete and innocence with them anymore. Hard, harsh consequences are changed dynamics forever. I don't want to get hurt again so I enforce healthy boundaries with them. I control the relationship by controlling when I wish to see them, what I say politely and there is a wall I've since built. This is what boundaries are. Or it had been reduced to complete estrangement because estrangement is a boundary not to be crossed. Estrangement is equal peace for all parties. There is no more war. Its message is: "I won't allow you to hurt me anymore so you're out of my life permanently." People don't want to take risks of getting hurt again so they cut you off. I've done the same and should our paths cross, I'm a peaceful person but a stranger just like someone you would stand next to at the post office or grocery store. I'm peaceful and polite but I'm not interested in cultivating, nurturing and maintaining a relationship with you.


There are some people whom I do not like at holiday and random family gatherings. I do my bit for the sake of the younger generation, remain peaceful but I wouldn't go so far as to say we're chums. That notion is absurd. I'm always polite and peaceful but I know my limits with others who've wronged me. They cannot take back what they've said to me. It simply will never happen. We're not pals. I'm civil. No more no less. This is how people are. We'll keep the peace but there are no warm fuzzy feelings between us because trust is dead. When trust is dead it leaves a permanent bad taste in your mouth. I can't go back. I'm polite and civil and that's it. I don't go out of my way to be nice anymore. Dead trust and boundaries are the result of relationships that went awry. It's universal. This is permanent damage. I'm this way with everyone who said or wrote what they cannot take back. I don't trust them anymore. I'm always wondering when they'll do it again? Unfortunately, you'll say to yourself, "They're unpredictable but predictable." You no longer allow suspicious people to hurt you anymore.


Omolola, try not to look at this negative experience with too much regret and remorse. It was not all in vain and it's not the end of the world. Think of it as wisdom gained. Learn from your mistakes, change, become a different person, be more careful in choosing your words wisely whether verbally or in written form. You're not the only one who learned from past mistakes. Most people learn the hard way. In the future, you will be a gracious person with what you say and write. You will learn what empathy means. You will learn how to be considerate and kind. Know there are harsh consequences in this life. All you can do is become a better person, navigate your actions intelligently and you will be fine. Be quiet, don't say nor write boldly and it's better to keep your mouth shut in order to err on the side of caution. Same thing in writing. Remain cautious always and better safe than sorry. You have to walk on eggshells with people. Be careful. Your next relationship will be successful because you are wiser. Live and learn.

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