MP17 Posted May 24, 2019 Share Posted May 24, 2019 Hi everyone, I've been grappling for a long time (on and off-- sometimes I feel great about things, sometimes not) trying to determine whether I should end things with my current boyfriend of almost 5 years. We have a really great relationship, with lots of common interests and passions, similar senses of humor, good conversation, live together well, support each other in our pursuits and personal growth, etc. He is such a caring, kind person and I know he would do absolutely anything for me and our relationship. I've expressed my doubts before, but I struggle with being clear and I think he has trouble having hard conversations (definitely a weak point in our relationship). I feel our hard conversations don't really get us anywhere. Recently he has started bringing up marriage, and I told him that I still don't know if I'm ready for that step. And that has made me truly realize that I need to end things because if I'm not ready for marriage after 3 1/2 years of living together and almost 5 years of dating, how will I ever be? I think that I need to get out and experience life first-- try dating other people, traveling and living on my own. He and I have been together since I was 22, and he was my first serious relationship. I just don't know if I could say "yes" to being together with someone forever without truly knowing that I could be without them, if that makes sense. Because I've been with him since I was really young, I don't feel that I truly have grown in an autonomous way. So I've made up my mind that I need to end it. But here's my dilemma: I am THE WORST at conflict. I clam up, shut down, and have so much difficulty communicating my feelings-- and I especially hate when I feel like I am going to hurt someone I love. I'm wondering if any of you have some advice for me on how to do this. I know it's going to have devastating implications for both of us; we live together in an area with not a lot of close friends around and not much support system. We both struggle with finances because we have low-paying non profit jobs. I worry what breaking up will do to him and I am so afraid of him being stuck with hardly any contacts/friends to support him. Can any other highly sensitive, conflict-adverse people out there give me some advice on how you've broken up with someone who is still in love with you? Any advice is so so appreciated. Thank you. Link to comment
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