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How Do I Undo A Break-Up with My Girlfriend?


Balibali
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My girlfriend and I were together several months, but known each other for over a year. I can talk to her for hours, she’s the most thoughtful, levelheaded woman I’ve ever been with and I wanted to be with her. We’ve had small bumps in the road, like small arguments that seemed like big sh*t but we always were able to realize it wasn’t as bad as what we thought so it was worked out.

 

She was in a major accident months back and was in the hospital for months. It only brought us closer. We started working on plans together, as a couple for our future. She ended up being rehospitalized last week and things got weird. She started acting stalkerish, came to my house being dramatic and accusing me of not being there for her. So I backed off. I was done. She would blow my phone up but i wouldn’t answer. I officially told her I’m done last weekend after she started acting weird demanding money that she gave me. I thought she was being petty so I was threw.

 

Fast forward now, I just texted her about giving her money back, but instead her sister who usually would keep me updated of what was going on with her from my now ex-gf phone throughout the whole process, was now texting me. Here’s what the text said:

 

This is her sister. Mook went into surgery this morning. Please don’t even fret about this money crap! The fact you’re even giving her this speaks volumes about you because she’s been going thee off on everybody, acting weird, obsessive, and emotional with these damn mood swings, ever since she came home that second time. We assumed it was her losing her ing lid. Coming up to my job, calling everybody at crazy hours, etc. She has not been playful or reasonable how everyone knows her to be. At one point she argued with her best friend, who she doesn’t argue with ever, so we knew something was off with her.

 

We’re grateful for her surgeon, who started questioning medication she was prescribed just before they took her for surgery prep. They discovered the neurologist from her last hospital stay for those couple days, had overprescribed two different antidepressants and she’s been giving hell ever since. They’ve started her on IV’s to dilute whatever meds left and we noticed an obvious difference. Had you noticed any erratic or strange behavior from her, since she came home from the hospital for the second time?

 

I thought my girlfriend was being crazy, harassing me and just insulting me just because. I knew something was off because she’s never acted like that, despite our prior arguments in the past, she was always level headed and would admit her fault in things. I wanna take back the breakup because I now see what’s going on, how do I do it?

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Right now I'd put the breakup/makeup stuff on the back burner. You girlfriend is clearly in a bad spot and needs to find balance again. She's not "herself" right now, and until she gets there there's really no point in trying to label things.

 

What I'd do is respond to the text saying you're thinking of her, happy to hear she's doing better, and a very much around to help out in any way that makes sense. Sometimes the best thing we can do is stand still and do nothing but be there for someone—no labels, no expectations, but just being a caring and reliable human to a human you care about.

 

Which might mean space and silence for a bit as she gets sorted out. You can handle that. This simply isn't the time to have a State of the Union about the relationship, since your girlfriend isn't in a clear state of mind.

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Thanks for your feedback, they gave her IV once that surgeon noticed she was acting a lil nutty I should say. Her sister already let me FaceTime her. It was like night and day lol. Her sister and her family said she seems to be acting her regular ole self an hour or so after the IV drip

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Great.

 

I'd almost brush off the whole "breakup" right now. Almost sounds like a manic episode—same way she was treating her friend and sister. Just go day be day. Be there, think of her, don't worry about all that for now. It'll clear up when the skies clear.

 

You're healthy right now—a little thrown in the heart space, but you're healthy. She's not, she's healing, recovering.

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It may be a good idea to stop with the secondhand information from her sister and gather your courage to speak to her in person. The crisis has passed and there really has been no reason to continue communicating with her sister. I'm referring to the crisis meaning her initial hospitalizations (not the mix up in meds). Visit her in the hospital and explain yourself if you feel you have to. Accept whatever comes your way and do not involve any of her family members anymore in your romantic relationship.

 

I'm not certain what your relationship was prior to her hospitalization but I feel like depending on her sister as a go-between any longer than was needed has hindered your ability to communicate properly as a couple and disabled your trust in each other. That should come from deep down.

 

I'm a bit perturbed that you felt moved to break up with her during this vulnerable time but I don't think any of us should be the judge of that. You have every right to move on with your life if you feel this is too much to handle. Take it one step at a time. Be there for her if you care about her but be prepared that it might take a lot of understanding and patience on everyone's part while she gets back on her feet.

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I didn’t like the idea of having to speak through her sister at all lol. I’m relieved someone understood that btw, it served its purpose until I was able to FaceTime her. I admit I was cowardly by bailing when she needed me but I’m happy this was just a passing storm

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Yes I would recommend you go visit her in person. Not to make up though.

 

Forget reconciliation for now. If that it to be it will happen naturally in the process.

 

Sounds like the meds have screwed her up so she's not herself as you admit. She could also probably do with some trauma therapy as it sounds like she's been through a tough time.

 

The road to recovery may be slow and will be difficult at times though be warned.

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