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So long distance guy that lied about being “single never married “ keeps reaching out.

 

I told him on Friday that I had no interest in pursuing anything further and that I am not the type to change my mind.

 

He said he respected my decision but hoped we could still say “hi how are you” — I don’t see any point in that.

 

So it’s all good until Sunday, he had just gotten back home told me he landed, it was raining and he had a two hour bus ride.

 

I didn’t reply, even though it feels so rude not to say anything.

 

Then today, Tuesday he reached out again with a “hello, how are you doing today?”

 

I have left it unread. Am I right not to respond at all? Or should I just ask him not to get in touch anymore or respond but let conversation die?

 

Sorry, I think you guys will feel annoyed at me for even asking but I hate being “mean”.

 

Thanks

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I told him on Friday that I had no interest in pursuing anything further and that I am not the type to change my mind.

 

He said he respected my decision but hoped we could still say “hi how are you” — I don’t see any point in that.

s

 

You've made yourself clear and if he continues to reach out in spite of that, that's on him.

And for the record, he isn't respecting your decision.

Continue to ignore him. He's hoping he'll wear you down.

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I'd just let the conversation die.

 

It's pretty clear that he just wants a texting buddy—the digital version of the "girlfriend experience." And while I think you, too, were enjoying the "boyfriend experience," you've kind of come to see that, alas, it was just that: virtual reality with human players that wasn't going to magically become actual reality—especially, you know, with a dude whose grasp of "truth" and "facts" is malleable at best.

 

There is nothing rude, nothing "mean" about being silent. You've been clear—that was "nice," and really all you owe someone who was and is a complete stranger. Now you stay clear, which is being honest, which is being "nice."

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Yes, you are absolutely right not to respond at all.

 

You are not the one being "mean" here. You expressed, specifically, that you had absolutely zero desire to keep in contact. In turn, he claims to "respect your decision", but his actions prove otherwise.

 

He continues to reach out to you, trying to get a conversation started, despite knowing that you do not wish to engage in any further contact with him. He is thinking only of himself and what it is that he wants, not of you and what it is that you want. By reaching out to you, he is clearly telling you through his actions "screw you and whatever it is that you want, I don't care. Your wants are unimportant to me. I will not respect you nor your wishes and will contact you as I see fit. I am the only one who matters, me, me, me!"

 

I advise that you block this person, immediately.

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Thanks Holly, you also haven’t met me. I’m just wondering what the “right thing is” and how best to navigate this with as much tact as possible.

 

I’m not a dramatic person, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t being unnecessarily cruel.

 

I think from the general consensus my non response is on the right track.

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Yes, you are absolutely right not to respond at all.

 

You are not the one being "mean" here. You expressed, specifically, that you had absolutely zero desire to keep in contact. In turn, he claims to "respect your decision", but his actions prove otherwise.

 

He continues to reach out to you, trying to get a conversation started, despite knowing that you do not wish to engage in any further contact with him. He is thinking only of himself and what it is that he wants, not of you and what it is that you want. By reaching out to you, he is clearly telling you through his actions "screw you and whatever it is that you want, I don't care. Your wants are unimportant to me. I will not respect you nor your wishes and will contact you as I see fit. I am the only one who matters, me, me, me!"

 

I advise that you block this person, immediately.

 

This resonated with me. Thanks Jen, I felt a lot better reading your thoughts. Thank you

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There's not always a "right thing" in life. From this guys perspective, the "right thing" is for you to never date anyone else and just give him attention whenever he wants it no matter what he does.

 

Does that jive with the "right thing" for you?

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Being tactful is not responding and blocking. You owe each other nothing and he lied to you (not sure what that means - he's cheating on someone?). This isn't your neighbour, he's not a friend and he's not an associate or any type of acquaintance. Please don't sink so low or let yourself believe this is anything more than a desperate attempt to erode your peace of mind. Surely you have better things to do in your life than waste time and energy entertaining people you hardly know.

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If you don't want to talk to someone who keeps reaching out you can always block and delete.

 

I hadn’t thought of blocking, I’ve never been in a situation that required that.

 

I looked up the steps and have blocked him.

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This behaviour is a product of being taught to be “nice” to people, aka set our feelings aside and focus on making them feel better.

 

Sure it’s good to be considerate of someone’s feelings but you have already done this no? Been honest and told him you aren’t interested? Because if that’s the case then it’s time to stop being “nice” and put up some boundaries which can include ignoring and blocking this individual. This isn’t being “mean”, it’s standing up for what you want and what you need and it’s sending him a message that enough is enough.

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You've already realized he lied, told him you had no interest in pursuing anything further yet he still hounds you. You gave him the courtesy and fair warning. It's time to completely ignore and block him permanently.

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This behaviour is a product of being taught to be “nice” to people, aka set our feelings aside and focus on making them feel better.

 

Sure it’s good to be considerate of someone’s feelings but you have already done this no? Been honest and told him you aren’t interested? Because if that’s the case then it’s time to stop being “nice” and put up some boundaries which can include ignoring and blocking this individual. This isn’t being “mean”, it’s standing up for what you want and what you need and it’s sending him a message that enough is enough.

 

Yes this. I ignored someone on my nextdoor app. I responded to his post about planning a group walk in the neighborhood with coffee after. I said I might be able to do the coffee after given timing and hoped to be able to join in on the walk maybe over the summer given schedules. He then messaged me privately twice in the space of a week asking the same thing -whether I wanted to plan a walk. Twice I told him patiently what I had responded the first time. I realized the second time he was "interested" even though I'd shared I was married. The third time which was a week later I just ignored. Is it "nice" - well, maybe not technically - you're supposed to be polite and respond, right? But at that point I knew I needed to send a strong signal that it wasn't ok to keep contacting me in that manner. So far so good.

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Thanks Holly, you also haven’t met me. I’m just wondering what the “right thing is” and how best to navigate this with as much tact as possible.

 

I’m not a dramatic person, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t being unnecessarily cruel.

 

I think from the general consensus my non response is on the right track.

 

If you are not responding then why don't you block?

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I can only speak for myself, but the only time I felt bad or "not nice" for not responding is when I still cared.

 

If the guy has been a shyt, and I don't care (usually goes hand in hand but not always), then I don't give it a second thought.

 

I used to not have the block function, so I would simply divert all his/their texts to my trash.

 

FD, I am glad you blocked, I hope it sticks and you don't start feeling "not nice" and unblock which is quite common actually.

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I can only speak for myself, but the only time I felt bad or "not nice" for not responding is when I still cared.

 

If the guy has been a shyt, and I don't care (usually goes hand in hand but not always), then I don't give it a second thought.

 

I used to not have the block function, so I would simply divert all his/their texts to my trash.

 

FD, I am glad you blocked, I hope it sticks and you don't start feeling "not nice" and unblock which is quite common actually.

 

Thanks Katrina,

 

It isn’t caring that kept me from doing so before. I guess I just always associated ‘blocking’ with someone who was outright offensive. If he was swearing at me and being malicious it would have been a no brainer.

 

I wasn’t thinking about what Jen had said at first. He has not been respectful to my request and that is disrespectful to me.

 

I’ve blocked, I’m not going to unblock him.

 

Thanks all.

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Try not to let curiosity, loneliness or boredom interfere with appropriate filtering and selection. Once you rule someone out, delete and block them. Now that you know he lied why are you communicating? Try not to get trapped in cyber-relationships and let it go this far to the point where you are investing emotions in basically, a figment.

So long distance guy that lied about being “single never married “ keeps reaching out.
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