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My highschool sweetheart turned into 7 years down the drain. Need help plz


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Hey guys, I never thought I would ever post something like this anywhere but I honestly need some sort of opinion on my situation...il try and make this short...


Ok so it started back in grade 10, I was very picky about who I dated as I had a "reputation" to uphold then and I found this girl(grade 9) and fell instantly Inlove.. we had many good years and ended up being a first for everything for both of us. Fast forward 5 years and one day she told me she wanted to basically take a break (we both did things that were wrong like me flirting with girls on text and her sending nudes to dudes and straight up immature highschool nonsence) and find happiness, I was devistated considering I turned down many girls in highschool and ditching party's and friends for this girl, I was in a super depressed state and took a few months to get back out, I ended up sleeping with girls and and trying temporary relationships and partying every weekend I was living my best life but not one girl was like mine and I realized no one could make me feel like she did, anyways then me and her started seeing eachother again 6 months later and got back together, fast forward to now which is 7 years in. Now this is comeing to the conclussion..so ever since we got back she has been going out clubbing every night and all I asked from her was a text to make sure she's safe and last week she passed out drunk at the bar and I got angry because I didn't hear from her all day and we ended up fighting and she said the same thing to me about finding happiness and taking a break a second time over a text. A TEXT! i was literally sitting in my bed for 2 days straight sick to my stomach( we live together) and she was at her friends for those 2 days. She came home eventually in tears and cried for hours telling me how much she loves me but she has to do this and I explained we can get help and keep trying but this break is happening and now I gotta move far away because of this break up, I told her how I might not see her again and she said she will visit me and she doesn't know how long this break will be. We basically had a talk right after about our lives in the future but she didn't understand I was not cool with this and very heartbroken.Am I wasting my time though? I really can't live without her but I can't keep doing these mind game breaks. Any feedback is really appreciated I'm in a bad place right now with no one to talk to

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It's not down the drain, it is a life experience that will be with you forever. 7 years is better than 70 if it is with the wrong person!


Your mind is full of the lies you have told yourself. Reputation to uphold? That doesn't matter anymore.


After breaking up the first time, going out and having cheap relationships to try and fill the hole didn't work? Imagine that. That doesn't mean that you couldn't find something good with someone else, but cheap meaningless dates isn't going to get you there.


You were sick to your stomach for 2 days? You were with this girl for 7 years! Of course it's going to be sickening for a while. At least 2 more days. Welcome to breaking up. It sucks. People in more heartbreaking breakups than you have made it through. You can make it through. You probably can't be honest with yourself for a while, but try to remind herself of some truths. You CAN live without her. You CAN move on. The single version of you can be COOL. Seeing her more is going to hurt worse. You are probably not going to get back together. If you do get back together, she will probably hurt you worse. You are worth someone who feels as strongly about being with you as you do about being with her.


Highschool sweetheart is out, but you are a different person now. The future is full of possibilities. Don't close yourself off to them. But you will be grieving for a time - and that's OK. You are losing a significant part of your life, but it's a good time for it. Go off and find a new one. People do it every day. Find new friends. Find new job. Find new activities. It may take a little bit because this is a big loss, but you can find new happiness.

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Weldinlife, she's not ready for a huge commitment and marriage right now.


Both you and she have got to come to terms with this. She still wants to be young. Party, be with whomever, go with her friends, not have any responsibilities, etc.


It can't be any other way. If you force her not to, then she will resent you the rest of her life and will feel as though she missed out on life.


It's sad, yes, because what it comes down to is wrong time for both of you. You met, you want it to be for a lifetime, but she still needs to be a young woman, as do you.


Marriage or a serious relationship isn't in the cards right now.


You need to let each other go. Like that old saying, "if you love something, let it go, if it is yours, will will come back. If it doesn't, it never was". Basically, you and she need to let one another go, if it's meant to be, you will eventually find your way back to one another in time..(possibly years).


But for now, you are both still young and need to live a life as a young person with no huge commitments, at least for the time being.

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“ I was devistated considering I turned down many girls in highschool and ditching party's and friends for this girl”


What? That was your choice and I’m sure she sacrificed things too. It doesn’t mean you have to stay in a wrong relationship or that you owe each other anything.

They are just normal risks in life and the outcome is never guaranteed.


You aren’t the only one upset that the relationship didn’t last. She is too.

But you are thinking you are the victim here. You aren’t.

You have a job you love, great ,then stay in it. Her house isn’t the only place to stay in the area. Look for a flat mate or room to rent.

Start thinking practical.


I know it’s hard but you have no choice but to move forward.

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Many high-school relationships don't survive the transition to adulthood, simply because people generally don't want to commit to the first and only person they've ever really dated. This is a break-up, as she has outgrown your relationship and wants to spread her proverbial wings now. She cares about you as a person but no longer wants to be with you. It hurts, and you will need time to grieve, but you can live without her.


As the others have pointed out, this isn't time down the drain, though. With that life perspective, every relationship that ends in a break-up would be a waste of time. But, in my experience, that's absolutely not true. We can take valuable lessons from these experiences, and learn more about what we do and don't want in a relationship moving forward.


Go and start navigating this next chapter of your life. You will need to rediscover who you are on your own, independent of a relationship for a while. It does get better.

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Why would you move back across the country instead of finding your own place to stay and keeping your job and your current life where you are? I think you may be panicking a little and jumping to conclusions too quickly.


I also noticed that you mentioned you can't live without her which is irrational and you're selling yourself short (this is negative and unhelpful to you). You can do without her or any woman who doesn't add to your life in a positive way. Shake yourself out of this and go for a walk to cool off. Start thinking more positively and think of better solutions to get out of this conundrum. It's not the end of the world and she certainly isn't the last woman on earth.


I think you can do better. Now might not be the best time exactly but at some point in the near future you might also want to look into developing interests and hobbies and friendships outside of your relationships. It's not healthy to exist the way you both have been living and depending on each other. If you're looking at dating again, make sure you feel good about yourself and your accomplishments and where you're headed in life (a bit more grounded) and pick someone more compatible with you.

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