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Why is it so difficult for me to talk to him


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I like this guy and I’ve been having conversations with him here and there. However there are some days when I just don’t know what to talk about. I can’t get my thoughts out when I’m around him. After the conversation I think about things that I should have said that could of been funny. It’s just in the momemnt my mind and thoughts go out the window. I just really want to impress him and hopefully go on a date with him. Anyone feel this way? I get so depressed when I can’t think of things to say to him. It sucks!

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I feel like this is a totally normal thing that most people go through from time to time. I know I definitely have. I've been there, lying in bed at night unable to sleep, head racing with thoughts about why didn't I say this or man it would've totally made her laugh if I made this joke at such and such point. All that kinda stuff. Sometimes it's just hard to figure out what to talk about. Sometimes your mind just isn't on point that day or is distracted by background thoughts or whatever the case. Point being, don't be too hard on yourself about it. People are always hardest on themselves. Well, good natured people, at least.


The best thing you can do is ask questions. Everyone likes to talk about themselves and their own interests and views on different subjects. Ask things that help you get to know the person better, whether it be something deep or something completely out there, or their opinion of the latest season of GoT (just an example)... anything like that. And in turn someone else who's also interested in you will return the favor and give you your time to discuss how you view such things and your interests and so on. And if the silence is really just getting to the point of seriously awkward, literally ask anything. Just say something at all. Get the the conversation flowing even if just on the silliest or insignificant thing.


Also, it shouldn't be your job to always be the one leading the conversation. If the guy is into you, he should be wondering and talking about all these such things as well. If you're gonna go on a date, you can even write some conversation topics down beforehand, even if just one or two, so you have something to fall back on. And make it something actually interesting or something you're truly curious about with the guy. It's also always good to use your environment. Bring up what's happening around you, ask him what he thinks about the tacky outfit some hipster is wearing. Or literally whatever. I'm just throwing out random examples to hopefully spark some ideas in your own head.


Only other thing I'll add is that sometimes... it's okay to just enjoy some silence with each other. When two people are truly comfortable with one another there really isn't a need for constant chatter. Sometimes just go with the flow of things and don't worry so much about the impression you're making.


Good luck with it all and I hope you get that date you want.

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You don't attract guys by talking at them, babbling or being a clown. Smile, be friendly, be a good listener, relax and stop thinking of what to say next. The worst thing for conversation is to ignore what someone is saying because you're preoccupied with what to blurt out next.

After the conversation I think about things that I should have said that could of been funny.
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He sounds like a complete bore, not you. I'm not sure why you're placing so much pressure on yourself to keep up the conversation or come up with things to say. I'm not an extrovert but I generally love conversing with different people on anything. Sometimes there's just a complete blank no matter how much I want to engage with someone not particularly because I haven't tried. That other person just isn't there: lights are on/no one's home. Or who knows. Maybe I just smelled bad or had food on my face. Relax and don't worry so much.


Someone who is interested in you and engaged in a conversation with you will bring topics to the table and enjoy what you're saying at the same time. I wrote somewhere else on the forum that part of engaging in a conversation is being an active listener. If either of you are not listening to the other, the conversation dies. Some people have more intuition than others and can intuitively pick up emotions on the other side and may suspect correctly what's going on in that person's life that given day or that week. Conversations come more fluidly and bonds/friendships are created faster. This doesn't really mean that they're better or longer lasting. Just relax and be yourself. Don't put all that pressure on yourself when it takes two to tango.

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