Cookieface Posted May 19, 2019 Share Posted May 19, 2019 Me and my fiance were together for 5 years, we recently got engaged and bought a house in the last year. We've had a tricky 6 months due to outside pressures (finances and change of jobs, typical stuff) but we were finally coming out the end of it, although we were still saving like mad for the wedding next year. At the end of March my fiance and I had a row and he said that I didn't love him enough, we argued too much and that I was clearly not happy. None of which I believe to be true. It became clear he was trying to end things, which I could not believe as only weeks prior, due to his distance, I had been on the verge of walking out only for him to say how much he loved me. We took a couple days apart and met back up and he said that I loved him too much and that the problem was he couldn't love me right and that he didn't think we could get married as the spark had gone and he had recently got close to someone at work and experienced that spark that he says is missing with us. I was surprised he admitted to speaking with someone else as he is so against cheating. He said he couldn't believe it had happened and that is how he knew we were having real problems he could no longer deny. He says he doesn't want anything with this married woman and they haven't talked since and he just needs to be on his own. He is adamant he doesn't want to try with me and has had concerns for months despite saying he was happy with me even up until we broke up. He said he was trying the whole time but his behaviour wouldn't suggest that and he said he had been good at hiding things. But I know him and he was happy about seeing me and would ring and text me lots when we were apart seeing friends (even doing this the night before we broke up!). We're no longer living together now but we were seeing each other almost weekly for the first few weeks but I've gone no contact now (which he said he didnt want because he wanted to still meet up and chat to me as long as it wasn't about us). He has given me some mixed messages and I was wondering if I was reading too much into it (probably) and if he may come back, even if not soon. I was his first everything and he has always struggled with communicating how he feels (he said he didnt even tell his friends or family he was having doubts about us, which I believe) and is known to bottle stuff up, which he admitted doing with his concerns with us. He cant give me a straight answer why we are not together and has told me he misses me and loves me. He has remarked how much better i am doing than him (he said one of the reasons he stayed was because he was worried how I would be without him) and has needed a lot of comfort and reassurance since this happened, which I haven't sought from him. His friends are telling him not to see me and he has lied to them about seeing me but admitted to having a lovely time and being pleased to see me. Since the talk about no contact he has been on social media posting more about the fun he is having and I wonder if he is secretly chuffed with the NC and I've blown my chance at getting him back. I do want us to work even though there would need to be major changes as clearly we both weren't as happy as we thought. He said I am his best friend and he knows we could have been happier than most couples but didnt want us to grow to hate each other, which I wouldn't have let happen and would have walked away before that point, like I almost did. He has admitted that he knows his life will be awful without me but knows it's best for us both in the long run to be apart. Despite these feelings I am the one putting things in place to get the house on the market, which he thinks is too soon but what else did he expect? I know it's all a lot but I would have thought he would have considered the logistics of needing the house sold so we can get our own places. Am I crazy in thinking he may be having a breakdown? Does he need time alone and will NC help (although that is mostly for me!)? Link to comment
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