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I [29M] and my girlfriend [25F] broke up in long distance relationship

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I and my gf were together for last 3.5 years. She comes from a religious family and her family weren't aware of our relationship for all of this period, which was annoying me. I had my dream job offer 6 months ago and moved to another state (5 hours away!). We talked about this and took a joint decision. I also proposed to her so she could go and talk to her family about me and we could get married and she could move here with me. I also gave her the option that I could move back to the other state in case she didn't want to move. She said yes but told me that she wanted to speak to her family face to face which would be 5 months after the proposal. 1 week before she was flying home, she called me crying and told me that she thinks she is lesbian and doesn't want to be in a relationship right now and broke up.


We had some arranged travel plans so we ended up talking every day on the phone and travelled together to see each other face-to-face. Everything was normal apart from the bed and it was clear that she lost sexual interest (and she was serious about questioning her sexuality rather than an excuse). We ended up talking for another week (she was also initiating contact) until I asked her if she wants to meet again - and I was clear that I was seeing her as a lover and I wouldn't be just a friend. I was acting clingy though. She was keen to come and visit me again but more like a friend rather than trying to fix the relationship. I told her no, this is painful and if we can't be together again she shouldn't contact me again.


It has been 10 days with no contact now. Do you think I made a mistake by telling her not to contact me again if we won't be more than friends? The distance also means that I might never see her again, which is sad.

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It's very possible and plausible that she is lesbian and is extremley worried that her family will disown her due to her religion, that doesn't excuse her stringing you along however but the cats out the bag now so i think you've done the right thing.


There is no future together and you have set your stall out and i think thats good because i think she will respect your wish and not contact you anymore as she probably feels guilty for not being honest with you.

I think she felt she couldnt live a lie any longer so you are now free to find the relationship you deserve.

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If she thinks she is a lesbian, then you need to move on. Delete and block.


Also, do not ever allow yourself to be treated as a secret. You two were never compatible, due to the religious issue. This should have been over years ago. Terrible she strung you along.

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I think you did the right thing. I wouldn't back down now and call her or try to get any reaction out of her. She's trying to move on with her life. I wouldn't question her reasons either. I'm just very sorry that you spent three and half years with someone only to find this out years later. The silver lining is at least you didn't marry each other and find out even later. Stay positive, reflect like Wiseman said and move on.

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