JulianAR Posted May 15, 2019 Share Posted May 15, 2019 I need a second opinion on a million thoughts in my head right now about my current girlfriend. So this might be a bit lengthy, just a warning. I’ve been in a relationship with a girl I met at work for about a year now. We’ve been seeing each other for six months even before that. She’s 20 and I’m 27, bit of a gap, I know. Also, she happens to be the second relationship I’ve ever had before. But she reached out to me and I started liking her the more we hung out. So we took a vacation together and ever since we’ve been a couple. A year later and I’d say our relationship is doing good. But I can’t seem to shake feelings of her waning affection, and my worst fear in the world is being betrayed even just once and never knowing it for the rest of my life. I can’t live not knowing what I should know. And this girl, as easy as she is to talk to and as often as she’s been on my side, I can’t help but think there’s always something she’s not telling me. We’ve only ever had a few issues before in the entirety of our relationship. There used to be this guy, good friend of mine, who was incredibly ripped and encouraged both me and my girlfriend to go out to the gym together with him since he newly got his new position as a fitness trainer. She thought he was fun and I had fun with him until one night but him and I got drunk together and he let slip his “I don’t give a f*** attitude.” One of the most prominent things he said was something along the lines of, “If I see nice on accident I’m just gonna say ‘hey you got nice tits’ I don’t care.” My girlfriends name was coming out of his mouth every ten seconds and it bothered the hell out of me, so I shut him down immediately for it and since then I only hung out with him when me and my girlfriend went to the gym together to work out with him. Since telling my girlfriend that she seemingly understood. But I realized it hadn’t sunk in since every time I asked her to go to the gym with me she didn’t want to go unless he was gonna be there to help train. And then one night it seemed like he was all that was coming out of HER mouth was his name. At that point she already had his Snapchat and I knew they talked periodically, but I didn’t want to be that boyfriend that restricted who my girlfriends friends could be. Unfortunately I had to talk with her about it as well because every second I was with her that night a dark pit grew in my stomach more and more. When I talked to her, she said, “If I wanted to be with him I wouldn’t be with you.” It didn’t convince me but I took her at her word. Beyond that, however, my friend had found another girl, and suddenly my girlfriend didn’t like her for a while. See, my friend had just come out of a heavy break up with a girl from two years of his life and he wasn’t taking it very well, as much as he tried to convince us he was doing fine. So when he got with this new girl who had a bunch of baggage, I assumed my girl was just using her sixth sense about this chick he was dating being bad for him. And she was, for the most part. She ended up breaking it off with him after two months, so now he’s single again and taking his issues out on the weights. Fast forward to this day, he still contacts my girlfriend a lot on Snapchat; hardly ever even talks to me anymore. However apparently my girlfriend doesn’t really like him much anymore since apparently she tried hooking him up with one of her girlfriends and she wasn’t interested. But she goes to the gym that he works at, and he’s apparently been getting too close for comfort to her friend, so now my girlfriend isn’t a fan of him at all anymore. Didn’t even invite him to her recent birthday party just to avoid drama. But recent changes have me worried again. See, the gym my friend works at coincidentally happens to be right down the street from my girlfriends house. He’s been working there for a while of course. She doesn’t even have her own car yet so it’s not like she gets out regularly, let alone had ever been in the habit of working out regularly. But just recently she decided to get her own membership there, whereas before—after the previous drama—she and I were finally going on our own and she would go as my guest. Now she’s going there with her mom every once in a while telling me that my friend is still stuck on her friend or so. I’m not necessarily in shape myself but every time my girl wants to go to the gym I hop in the car and take her and we work out for about an hour or so. But so much doesn’t make sense to me. I mean she lives with her mom and she only works a part time job so she has a lot of time to herself at home when her mom is at work and so am I. She has anxiety every so often that goes unexplained to the point that she tears up in front of me but whenever I ask her what’s wrong or how she’s feeling all I ever get is a shrug or “I don’t know.” Like she never thinks about anything. And she’s willing to talk about our relationship but hardly ever about how she feels. Granted, she’s very outspoken about loyalty and such. But in situations where I give her all my password info hoping she would return the favor she basically turns cheek and tells me, “It’s okay, I don’t need that, you’ve never given me any reason to doubt you.” And I’m in disbelief thinking, “but how? Not even once?” As she continues to go and keep her own phone a private thing when I’m damn sure she knows I’ve died thinking about who she texts and what she says about me. I just want it to be on her terms. We’ve talked ad-nauseoum about these things and it’s always the same answers. How am I supposed to take all these things on faith after everything? Without even a simple logical explanation? What am I supposed to think? Link to comment
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