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Am I fooling myself?

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I met a guy about 18 months ago and we started having casual sex. At the time he told me he wasn’t looking for anything serious but just friendship. As time went on we started getting closer but keeping up with the sex. I was getting more attached to him and was hoping it would turn into something more. 6 months ago I told him how I felt and he told me it would never happen between us and that I should get over it. After a few weeks I said I accepted it but deep down didn’t fully. Something personal happened to him and our friendship has got even closer recently and he has told me in a number of occasions (when drunk) he loves me and wants me. To try not to be too needy I’ve then said I don’t want anything more from him. He’s introduced me as his partner to people and we act like a couple in many ways but we have both always kept this causal status. He has told me he would only end up cheating on me if we did get together.


I guess my question is am I fooling myself in the hope that one day he may change and say he has always liked me, or am I best trying to just move on? He is due to start some counselling soon for sex addiction and has not had the easiest of life’s. He suffered a lot of abandonment when he was younger.


I want to try and support him as a friend but find it very difficult to hide my true feelings.


All advice welcome





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I personally would move on based on what you've said. But it looks like there might be some hope for him to change and finally come around. The question is, are you willing to take the chance that he doesn't and even if he does, wait for him to do so?

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When someone tells you they aren't going to want you...you LISTEN! :-)


I will say, in my experience, IF you want him...you have to be willing to walk away...work on yourself...date others...tell him that you want more, and you're okay leaving him to find it. Give him the opportunity to miss you and appreciate what he had in you.


You need to show him you have self respect, and won't settle. That's what's attractive in a person.


Right now...accepting this psuedo-relationship...that's not attractive for him on a subconscious level. You're not a challenge. He's just waiting around until someone better comes along.

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Funny how when someone tells us something we don't listen isn't it?


He told you the truth but it wasn't what you wanted to hear so you ignored it and kept hoping he will change his mind.


This is what he told you.


- I don't want a serious monogamous relationship with you.

- I will cheat on you if we were in a relationship.

- I have issues and cannot commit to anyone.


Stop fooling yourself and walk away. You cannot be friends with him and you certainly cannot fix him into what you want him to be.



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You are fooling yourself. He has told you that he does not want anything serious. He also told you that he would cheat on you. What are you not hearing.


Move on. Make better choices, and no more FWB relationships.


Lastly, you cannot be friends.

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