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Networking/ Social Groups - Too cliquely?


ironi
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Hi Guys,

 

Would love your thoughts.

 

So I moved country, don't have any hobbies, talents, hidden talents or interests lol I went to countless groups yoga, mums groups (even though I'm single and no child), pilates, photograph classes etc

 

I decided to start my own group as so many people where moaning they were too cliquey. I too felt that I had gone to a few of these social events and found my self being ignored by other people even trying their hardest to avoid eye contact!

So I went to a local hotel and got a great deal to have a 3 course breakfast with pool entry at first it was great I had upto 15 women coming they all loved it. Until new women started to come! The original ladies of the group constantly were preaching how we needed to grow and attract more ladies but when new guests would come they were very unwelcoming and gave them the cold shoulder. Most of them didn't come again. We then extended it to a ladies dinner evening where we would all dress up and I arranged for us to then go to a lounge after. Again anyone new was left out and made to feel really out of place and awkward. So I stopped the group. Why do we revert into this cliquey behaviour?

 

Have any of you been successful in any groups? what groups where they? I would love to meet new friends and now its so difficult - you can't go up to people and spark conversations then exchange details - I met a girl through mutual friends I really got on with her throughout dinner and clubbing but when I asked for her mobile number she went all weird like I was asking her out. How are you connecting with people nowadays? Ladies do you go to bars/clubs by yourself?

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hello! I'm sorry nobody has replied to your thread until now! I don't know how that happened. I hope you're still around to read this.

It's very sad how the people in your group are dealing with newcomers. I trust you've talked about it to them? Regardless, sit them down and talk about it, seriously, point out what you've been seeing. Remind them what the purpose of the group was, and speak about the good cause and the desire to make people comfortable as a goal. Ask them why they might be doing it, or if they realized they were.

 

To answer your other questions, I've never tried such a group but perhaps I would, given the chance. I do sometimes go alone to bars and similar spots if I feel like socializing, but it's not really customary to talk to strangers in most of them, unfortunately, like you said. The girl you dealt with might have had some weird thought process about the evening you spent together, and that's going to be the people who aren't that interested in making friends anyway. I would suggest to keep trying to befriend people - eventually the ones like-minded to you will show up. :) Best luck! ♥

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've had some success with book clubs, professional networking events (either women or industry specific) and meeting people through volunteer work. I was part of a dinner networking/support group for many years. I did not find it cliquey and there were often new people.

 

I want to add that I think it was a mistake on your part to go to a moms group when you do not have a child (single isn't the issue -many single moms go those groups if they can!) - I was not a mom till I was 42 and I would find it very odd to go to a moms group and meet a woman with no kids - I'd be concerned about what she is doing there and would feel awkward. Outside of "moms groups" I love meeting people whether they are married, single, have a child or don't -whatever -and I've never focused on "mom friends" but a moms group has a specific purpose - and that is why for example my Facebook moms groups don't allow non-parents - also because often they want to join to try to sell a product or service to parents which is also not allowed.

 

I think there is less cliquey-ness if you're all doing an activity together -whether it's a book club or hiking or volunteer work - eating at a fancy restaurant is nice as an occasional thing -or if you have a wine or dinner club but I think that lends itself to more cliquey-ness.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Hi Batya33. I was taking my niece her mother worked full-time and couldn't take her - so I offered just to get her out of the house and interact with babies and toddlers.

 

Yes of course it's fine to take someone else's child -I'm sure many caregivers go to mommy and me groups (or Aunts) -that was not clear from your post.

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