Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Hey there, so this is me, asking advice, on finally coming out after years of hiding it and suppressing what is truly me. I am 35 years old and have known since high school my attraction for women is a real thing. However, I've never said anything to anyone until recently. I've told 3 of my closest friends and they have been nothing but supportive. I am, however, married, to the father of my two children, which puts me in quite a predicament. Staying true to my husband, who I've been with for over 7 years, or be true to MYSELF and finally let myself become the person that I truly am.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am, however, married, to the father of my two children, which puts me in quite a predicament.

As a bisexual woman I will advise this: Don’t do it.

 

Just because your friends were ok with it doesn’t mean your husband will. He’s the one having to live with you, share intimacy with, and raise a family; they’re not apart of ANY of that.

 

What will you gain from telling your husband? And why did you jump in a marriage knowing that you were a lesbian?

 

“Coming out” while married will be a deal breaker and split your family up. Are you ok to live with that?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Coming out will be the end of your family as you know it. Imo, you need to decide on your priorities and act accordingly. You husband will probably feel very hurt and, very understandably, deceived. On the other hand he will at last have the chance to stop living a lie.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So did you realise you are actually lesbian and you like only women or would you say you are bisexual/pansexual/fluid? Are you still into your husband or no? I don't understand why Snny gave advice not to tell your husband. If you've known since high school, it's obviously a big part of who you are. It's part of your identity. If you are gay then what is the point to stay with your husband? And if you're bisexual then if he loves you, he should accept you as you are. But the thing is that being bisexual doesn't just give you an excuse to cheat on your husband. Unless he might want to have a threesome and let you explore with a woman?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How old are your children? Do you intend to stay married? Have you ever had a relationship or experience with a woman? Is there someone in particular at this point that makes you want to act on these feelings and tell your husband?

I am 35 years old and have known since high school my attraction for women is a real thing.

I am, however, married, to the father of my two children, which puts me in quite a predicament. Staying true to my husband, who I've been with for over 7 years, or be true to MYSELF and finally let myself become the person that I truly am.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Coming out will be the end of your family as you know it. Imo, you need to decide on your priorities and act accordingly. You husband will probably feel very hurt and, very understandably, deceived. On the other hand he will at last have the chance to stop living a lie.

 

If she’s a lesbian, then at this point it’s either tell the husband and destroy her family or say nothing. I think that’s why that advice was given

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey there, so this is me, asking advice, on finally coming out after years of hiding it and suppressing what is truly me. I am 35 years old and have known since high school my attraction for women is a real thing. However, I've never said anything to anyone until recently. I've told 3 of my closest friends and they have been nothing but supportive. I am, however, married, to the father of my two children, which puts me in quite a predicament. Staying true to my husband, who I've been with for over 7 years, or be true to MYSELF and finally let myself become the person that I truly am.

 

Have you ever been with a woman? You seem to be pretty enmeshed in a hetrosexual relationship so. What did your friends tell you to do seeing as you say they are so supportive?

 

 

Are they lesbians/bi? Do you have a crush on one of them?

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Having gone through something similar, I can say your husband will be devastated. It will take him years to recover, and the thing is, there is very little support for the straight spouse. He gave you a portion of his life he will never get back. What you did was, sorry to say, selfish. Had he known you were a lesbian, it is highly unlikely he would have married you.

 

I have not lived in your shoes so I cannot say why you decided to keep it to yourself, but if you truly are a lesbian, you need to tell him so he can get on with his life.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am, however, married, to the father of my two children, which puts me in quite a predicament. Staying true to my husband, who I've been with for over 7 years, or be true to MYSELF and finally let myself become the person that I truly am.

 

You're leaving out the most important point: do you want to stay married, or not?

 

That's the driver of your decision.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...
  • 2 months later...

Hell, I have a friend that’s a major Christian, like she LOVES her some Jesus Christ, and she also loved her husband so much and had two kids with him. She realized she was gay, she told him, he completely supported her and the kids during the transition. She is now about to marry a woman and all of them are as close as could be. I realize this may be an anomaly but it happens ALL THE TIME!! [emoji4]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also, my god, for all of you folks asking why she married a man if she knew she was gay, could you all just stop the judgment for a second and realize 1) if you are straight, you LIKELY have no clue what this is like and 2) tons of us gay folks were once acting straight. It’s what you do. It’s what society expects. You don’t know another way necessarily. Give people a break!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're leaving out the most important point: do you want to stay married, or not?

 

That's the driver of your decision.

 

This is pretty much the crux of it. Telling him will have a good chance of breaking up your marriage so think carefully about the future and what you want from it.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also, my god, for all of you folks asking why she married a man if she knew she was gay, could you all just stop the judgment for a second and realize 1) if you are straight, you LIKELY have no clue what this is like and 2) tons of us gay folks were once acting straight. It’s what you do. It’s what society expects. You don’t know another way necessarily. Give people a break!!!

 

Yes, and yes. Unless you've had a particularly enlightened parent, you were 'raised straight'. Period. No gray areas to consider until you've matured enough to recognize that the confines of your upbringing haven't served you well to consider your true nature.

 

And I don't use the word 'nature' lightly, because heterosexuality cannot be 'nurtured' into a person.

 

That's where the conflict comes in. None of us can make assumptions about how or when a person can recognize, name, and counter the dissonance between their nature versus the way that they've been nurtured for the duration of their lives.

 

While some strong personalities can reconcile this difference early in their lives, others may never get there, while still others get there during various stages of life. So it makes no sense for anyone to prescribe this pivotal experience for anyone else.

 

We can't know how many people have opted to squelch the consequences of this recognition in favor of carrying on in their households and established families versus those who've recognized instead that they cannot do that. The only place where ethics or morality enter the equation is a choice to cheat on a current partner. That's not about sexuality, it's about loyalty and health risks that no degree of confusion justifies.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • Choosing to Trust
      ‘Trust’ is a philosophical choice. We can be cynical, guarded, and awaiting attack. Or open, positive, and hopeful— BUT prepared for all outcomes. Love Advice discusses the pros and cons of both positions.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Why Your Ex Can’t Make Up His Or Her Mind
      Clay Andrews talks about Why Your Ex Can’t Make Up His Mind. After a breakup, it's really confusing when it comes to getting back together, talking to you or even just being in contact with you. It can also be extremely frustrating how your interactions have been good but your ex is insisting that ex can't be friends and withdraws inexplicably. Had a great time spending time together but still your ex can't make up her mind? By the end of this video, Clay shares some IMPORTANT TIPS on how you can deal when your ex can't make up their mind and how to get your ex back.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Everything You Need to Know About Going "No Contact"
      1. Signs That "No Contact" Is Needed, 2. Understanding "No Contact", 3. The Benefits of "No Contact", 4. Strategies to Make "No Contact" Work, 5. What Makes "No Contact" So Hard?, 6. Why You're Struggling to Stay Away.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 6 Signs You Are Hurting Subconsciously
      Do you value having a positive and optimistic perspective of life, no matter how bad things are? Being overly positive and optimistic can be as bad, or even worse, than having a negative approach to something. After all, lying to yourself is very rarely the best way to approach things and it can be detrimental to your mental health. So, if you're not happy or hurting about something, it is important that you acknowledge it instead of repressing and ignoring it.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 7 Habits That Make You Irresistible
      What are some simple habits that make you irresistible to women, men, and everyone? If you want to be a more attractive person, these easy habits will get you there. Confidence is half the battle - at least.

       
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...