Zimmermann Posted May 12, 2019 Share Posted May 12, 2019 Hello all, So, I am suffering from retroactive jealousy, and i feel like it's messing up my head really bad right now. To give you some background, I am 24 years old and have been dating this girl for about 9 months. She's two years older than me, 26. I had never experienced sex or romantic relationships, or dating of any kind before I met her. Our relationship has been very great, as in almost all RJ stories I have read.. And i really hope i could be happy with her. So, now to the RJ part. In short, the things my girlfriend has told me she has done when she was younger disgust me and i do not know if i can get over it. I never asked about her past when we started dating. However, as we started talking about sex after a few weeks of dating, some things came up. She told me that she has had her "wild times" and if had known what she was like when she was younger, i wouldnt want to be with her (i never asked specifically, but i think she referred to about ages 15-22). She told me that she experienced her first time at 17. She told me she was once pregnant (while in a relationship and despite using protection), but didnt end up having the baby due to various reasons (thats another stroy). I basically said that i can accept all this, which is how i actually felt at that time. Later, I have also got the impression, based some things which she has "slipped" in our regular conversations, that she was a kind of cheap and easy girl to put it straight. She has also told me that she didn't have much dignity and was very prone to pleasing the person she was with and let herself be treated badly. My impression is that she has had many short relationships, one-night stands and that sort of things. I haven't asked how many persons she has been with, and I dont even want to know that. It's bothering me enough already. These are the things that bother me the most. I havent actually asked any details about her sexual past except once. I asked how the relationship between her and the father of the baby ended. She told me that it was actually not a relationship, more like a friends with benefits sort of thing, where she wasn't respected. It was also revealed to me that she was 16 at the time, a year younger than when she first told me she had lost her virginity. So maybe it was just a small lie to not make me feel bad having been a virgin at 24, i dont know. I havent asked. However, the fact that she lied about that just makes me think she has done so many things she is ashamed of. Actually she has said that she wouldnt have done half the things she has if she could now decide. She has said she was a different person before. I believe her (her "wild" times are gone and she was in a relationship of 4 years before meeting me). But that kind of statement just makes me feel even more disgusted. I know that a should view a person as they are now, but i also believe that we are all a sum of the things we have done in our lives. Her past cannot be changed, but i dont know can i change the way i feel either. I personally didnt have much of a "normal" social life let alone dating life until i met her because i was focusing 100 % on my studies and playing sports. I have been very succesfull in those areas so my "sacrifices" have paid off and i was very happy with my life and the choices i made even though i experienced loneliness sometimes. However, right now i have so many regrets that i havent been socially or sexually active earlier. I feel like i have missed out on a lot, which is how i would feel even without all this RJ thing. However, i regocnize that i feel the regret partly because i dont have anything to "compensate" for the things she has done and experienced. I feel like the regret and RJ are feeding each other and i feel really bad right now. The pain is like nothing i have ever experienced. Im soon turning 25 and there is still time to gain some more sexual experience. I know this idea doesnt make any sense because i would like to be with her and im not the kind of person who would go on to have one night stands etc just for the sake of having them. She loves me in way i think no one else ever could. I just dont know if i can genuinly love her. However, i fear that if i cant get over my RJ or our relationship fails for some other reason, i would regret not going for something else when i still had the chance. Is there some advice anyone could give me regarding any of the things i have written? I would deeply appreciate any help, thoughts and comments. I would like to hear anyones honest opinion on how i should view all this and what i should do. I have already set up a meeting to begin some sort of therapy. Im also wondering should i tell my gf about my condition. She has told me i can tall to her about anything and maybe she could help me. I just dont want to make her feel bad about anything. Im also thinking should i just ask her straight about her bodycount. I know i maybe wouldnt like the answer but what her real number was something i could accept. What do you think is an acceptable number? Thank you everyone in advance! Link to comment
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