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Should my roommate help clean?


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Currently, I live with my husband and his army buddy. We have an extra bedroom, so we let him move in to get him out of the barracks. But my husband is a firm believer that the wife should take care of everything- cooking, cleaning, etc while the husband goes to work and makes the money. But I’m also expected to go to work and have a job. Because of this, I’m finding it difficult to balance my work plus taking care of the house and the three pets we have (a dog and two cats). My husband is a very messy person and doesn’t clean at all, just makes the mess, and it’s frustrating to my roommate and I that our place is always a mess. Sometimes, the roommate will take out the trash or clean off the counters, but it’s only if I ask him to. He doesn’t pay any rent, so is it fair of me to ask him to help with the chores? My husband and I got in an argument about this, because again he believes that I should take care of everything by myself, and that the roommate keeps to himself most of the time, so he shouldn’t have to help me. The argument ended when my husband said “I pay the bills, so it’s my decision”.



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The roommate should clean up after himself. But if your husband is the one making the mess and its always been the dynamic that you clean and he messes, then you have to deal with that dynamic and not bring the roommate into it unless the roommate volunteers to do so (obviously, the roommate needs to clean his own room and the bathroom he uses -- that's just common sense). When i rented a room from someone, it was not my responsibility to clean the entire house - only to keep my room as clean or as not as I wanted and clean up after myself (bathroom after i use it, after i cook something). I was allowed to use the kitchen but by and large i used the laundromat, did not go in the living room and only prepared food now and then.

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does the roommate pay rent? If he pays rent and you bring an income in, when your husband is calm, you should talk about hiring a cleaning person to come in and do the heavy cleaning every other week out of your money because three people and three pets make a mess and only one person cleans. If the roommate does NOT pay rent, then they should be helping. If the roommate is frustrated that your husband is a slob, then the roommate should help. if he pays rent, then he should not have to clean up after your husband. Maybe the roomie will talk some sense into him on his own?

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Your husband is very chauvinistic. He expects you to bring home the bacon AND fry it? What planet is he from? This is the 21st century, not the 1800s.


If you're unemployed and have more time than he does, obviously you should maintain the household, cook, clean, tend to the pets. Even if you don't work, it would be nice if your husband could pick up the slack and help as needed within reason.


Your roommate doesn't pay rent so he should pull his weight with cleaning, cooking, taking the trash out, errands and such. He needs to earn his keep.


Your husband throws his weight around and uses money as power. This is unfortunate. Since you're employed, use that as your bargaining chip if you have to. You have power, too. You pay the bills. Get rid of the leech (army buddy) who doesn't help.

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It's ok that he believes a woman's place is to clean and take care of everything.


And it's ok that you see it entirely differently.


His life doesn't have more value than yours, so you have equal say.


He does this because he can. He's drawn the line and you resent it. How was it he was able to ever draw this line to begin with? Were you not aware of his values before you married him?


I wouldn't even debate this. If it were me, I'd tell him where I stand and begin to work on a compromise.


If we couldn't compromise, then we wouldn't be married any longer.

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Your husband should not be treating you like the help. Just stop doing it. Start charging the army buddy rent or throw him out. Since it is your home tell the army buddy to vacate within 30 days or start paying 1/3 of all household costs. You are married therefore have a say in finances and living arrangements.You need to assert your say in matters. Stop acting like a slave.


Stop cleaning up after everyone. Stop everything, shopping, cooking, cleaning, laundry-everything. The reason your husband gets away with this is because you foolishly do it. Can you move out and visit some friends/family for a few weeks? Nagging won't work so you need to take action, which means removing yourself from the situation.

I live with my husband and his army buddy. I’m finding it difficult to balance my work plus taking care of the house and the three pets we have (a dog and two cats). He doesn’t pay any rent.
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How does he pay the bills when you also work? Tell your hubby that this is the 21st century and women are no longer second class citizens. If he wants to live with that kind of attitude, he can pay you alimony and if he doesn't like that idea, he better get with the modern times and adjust his attitude and behavior.


Regarding the free loading buddy either he needs to clean house in exchange for rent, pay rent, or get out. You are married and that means equal say so in every aspect of your lives. You are married to a misogynistic bully and might want to rethink what you are doing with that.

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