Jump to content

Am I being silly


Recommended Posts

About 4weeks ago I lent my mate 20.00 and said there was not rush to get it back to me but then my eldest son needed to loan 20 and I had nothing so I asked my mate if she could pay it bk I had previously asked for it and she had said she couldnt afford it so i said not to worry but thr next time she said ill do it now . Few days later I got a message from her saying I had upset her by asking for it bk and she will never lend from me again ! I tried to explain why my son needed it to wicth she replied yours sons problems ain't mine. I apologised for asking for it but it's been nearly two weeks I messaged her saying r we ok and she replied "no not really ! I'm not sure what else to do I have said sorry and even checked in a few days later ?

Link to comment
I got a message from her saying I had upset her by asking for it bk and she will never lend from me again
You should have told her you were happy to hear it.


It's not clear, did she pay you back or did she just gaslight you right into this misplaced guilt you are feeling for asking for your own money back? It almost sounds like she's trying to sever the relationship and then never pay you back.

Link to comment
She paid me bk but didn't say she never had it she said she had 40 to last her the week so I said not to worry and she replied no I'll do it now and get it out the way .


Then that's, that. You should be happy that she will never "lend from you" again. Just give it time and leave her be for awhile, she'll come around eventually... likely when she needs to borrow again.

Link to comment

What a shi**y, immature and disrespectful way to act towards you. Really? What is wrong with her? You'd think she'd be more understanding. If I were you, I wouldn't speak with her again because that is no way to treat a friend. Genuine friends don't do things like that.


And, no, you are not being silly by any stretch of the imagination.

Link to comment

If money is so tight that you can’t lend your own son 20 , then you were never really able to lend your friend 20 in the first place. So why did you? Is this friend that important to you?


You lent it to her 4 weeks ago saying no rush to pay it back but it sounds like you asked for it back about a week later?

Was that before she got paid again?


You were both wrong imo.

Link to comment

Neither a borrower or lender be - no idea who said that but it's true. Dont loan money, dont borrow money. Your friend is no friend.


I didnt follow my own advice and loaned a friend $100 for her sick cat, who truly was sick, and she promised to pay me back in a month. That was about 5 years ago now and I never got the money back. With friends like that you dont need enemies.

Link to comment

That's your codependency speaking.


Codependents will do things others ask of them even if it's to their own detriment. Their greatest fear is someone getting "mad" at them and withdrawing love or friendship.


But someone like that is no friend.

Link to comment

She's pretty cheeky!


Darn lucky you loaned her the money in the first place, and yes, you had every right to ask for it back, even if it was a week later.


But the fact that she kept on about how you had no right to ask and so on, I would end that friendship.


Sorry, but she's a bad friend.

Link to comment

Wow! She is something else. Guilt tripping you for wanting YOUR money back! She is a piece of work.

I cannot believe that you apologized. If you were smart, you would never speak to her again. You need a better class of friends!!

Link to comment

No, you're not being silly. However, consider this lending to your friend, a harsh, hard lesson learned. Never lend money to anyone other than your son, of course and it shouldn't be more than you can afford to lose.


Money and friends NEVER mix. Remember that. Friendships are ruined due to money lending, borrowing and the like and it's money you'll never see again. It's as if you gave away free money. Live and learn.


Cease the money topic with your friend. 20.00 is gone forever. Learn from your mistakes, don't repeat the same unwise decisions and you'll know better in the future. You'll learn about people, human nature and life as you live it.


Stop apologizing and badgering your friend for 20.00. It's gone. Learn from this negative experience and become wiser from this day forward. I'm sorry for your harsh reality check. We all learn from bad pasts.

Link to comment

I loan small amounts of money to friends on the job here and there. In the privacy of my mind I consider it a gift, so I make a point of saying NOTHING about when or if it's ever paid back. If they insist on voicing a deadline for repayment, I just say, "Okay." Then I forget about it. I'm surprised when the person stops by to return the money, but my only response is, "My pleasure."


It makes no sense to lend money you cannot afford to lose. That only turns the friendship all about when the money is repaid. I'd skip that. If I don't have the money to lend, I just say, "Sorry, I'm not carrying that at the moment." Boom, done. If I do have it, then I decide whether I want to part with it permanently, or not. If so, I 'give' it, but then that means the friendship is worth enough to me to part with the cash without another word or thought of it again.


Never tell someone that paying you back is no issue only to make it one. Decide whether this friend has been valuable enough to you over time, and if so, ask her how you can make this up to her. If not, then this is her loss, but you've made an enemy by positioning yourself badly and saying one thing while behaving out of line with that.

Link to comment

I have a feeling that had the OP told this 'friend' that she didn't have the money, the 'friend' would be just as angry at her as she is for being asked to pay it back.


I believe that people who who don't intend on paying their lender back should say "can you GIVE me $20.00" instead of "Can I BORROW $20.00?"


I agree though that if you are going to lend out money, then you should only do so if you don't need or expect to get it back.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...