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I cheated my long term girlfriend and impregnated another girl.


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Hi

 

I’ve been with GF A for about 4 years.

At the same time, i had a lover for 2 years. The lover knew about gf but gf didnt know about lover.

 

Lover got pregnant..

 

Considering i want to recognize and support the baby; so gf you will come to know eventually... how do I tell her?

 

Should i leave her before she discovers it to give her less pain... or take my chances to be with her; trying to save the relationship and confess hoping to be forgiven

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I'm not here to judge and it's brave of you to post that^^ It's quite a hole you've dug yourself there!

 

I'm very unsure about trying to save your relationship...That is going to implode in a big way. Yes she is going to go through a world of pain.

 

My first thought is you partner up with your 'lover' and try to make some sort of family for the child.....But I have my doubts about that relationship as well....

 

Regardless of any of this get thyself into counseling to figure out what the hell possessed you to do such a thing.....

 

That's all I got sorry....I've been cheated on and it hurts like a mutha and can take a long while to recover from*

 

But it is now time for you to reap what you have sown. Trying to hide this any longer is only going to prolong the inevitable.

 

Carus*

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Show her the simple decency of telling her the truth. I am not surprised that you want to leave her without being honest, as this is your character: someone who is a liar and a cheater and wants to run out, without accountability. Your behavior is something to really be proud of. If your gf has any sense, she will be done with you.

 

I feel sorry for the kid!

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I'd skip any 'goals' behind telling the GF, and I'd be honest about the two year deception rather than trying to make it sound like a one-time fling. GF deserves the ability to make her own choices based on facts rather than more deception, doesn't she?

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Well as a girl, I would be furious when the true comes out about the lover and child, but I think honesty is the best (and only) way to handle this. I think you should tell your GF the truth and give her some time to think about this situation, maybe you can work this out.

The question is - do you want to work this out? Because you had a lover for some time and form my point of view you don't need to have a lover, if you really, truly love your GF.

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I would tell your girlfriend you cheated and got her pregnant. You don’t need to divulge the details of the 2 year relationship. But DO NOT let her forgive you without furnishing the rest of the details. If she breaks up with you, just leave it. If she discusses forgiveness, tell her everything.

 

I hope you understand how awful your actions are. 2 years of deception is malicious.

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I'm sure he will do it again.

Ya he came here to see if he can someway get out of this smoothly. A true coward. he won't take accountability for his own actions.

 

 

OP you know this won't be easy. Confess and go forward.

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Ya he came here to see if he can someway get out of this smoothly. A true coward. he won't take accountability for his own actions.

 

 

OP you know this won't be easy. Confess and go forward.

Character never changes. And, if you can do something like this to someone you profess to love, you can do just about anything. So self serving.

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You accepted her love all the while you were lying and cheating.

 

Tell her the truth. At least care about her enough to allow her to make an informed choice.

 

I hope she gets tested for STDs since you were obviously cheating without protection.

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Do you want to be a family with the lover? You may be forgiven, but life won't be the same.

Hi

Should i leave her before she discovers it to give her less pain... or take my chances to be with her; trying to save the relationship and confess hoping to be forgiven

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"At the same time, i had a lover for 2 years. The lover knew about gf but gf didn't know about lover." I think that this shows that he does not give a sh*t about her. If he cared about not bringing her more pain, he would not have had the affair FOR TWO YEARS, or at all!

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I'm not here to judge and it's brave of you to post that^^ It's quite a hole you've dug yourself there!

 

I'm very unsure about trying to save your relationship...That is going to implode in a big way. Yes she is going to go through a world of pain.

 

My first thought is you partner up with your 'lover' and try to make some sort of family for the child.....But I have my doubts about that relationship as well....

 

Regardless of any of this get thyself into counseling to figure out what the hell possessed you to do such a thing.....

 

That's all I got sorry....I've been cheated on and it hurts like a mutha and can take a long while to recover from*

 

But it is now time for you to reap what you have sown. Trying to hide this any longer is only going to prolong the inevitable.

 

Carus*

 

I doubt a family with the lover will work.. she’s far away in her home country now and probably wont come back

Also i will have to do a dna test... although i believe 99% is my child

 

Yes i can afford to support a child luckily.. and this was big lesson for me; i have no excuses - I’ve been infatuated with the lover for too long and i was even thinking i love 2 women

 

Its few months to go now.. and i dont know how to tell her and I’m also scared of her reaction

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You should confess and apologize without making any excuses for yourself because there are none. Then respect her wishes whatever they are. Answer all her questions honestly and if she asks you to exit her life, do that. Two years of lying and deception was not a momentary lapse of judgment, it was a choice. Deceiving a person you say you love for so long warrants seeking professional help to figure out what got you to this mess and how to make sure that you won't repeat it ever again.

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I think that you are too selfish for a relationship, and that you do not love or value your gf. Do her a favor and break up with her. She deserves much better.

 

I have not been cheated on, but know friends who have. They never trusted their partner again, nor did they ever get over the pain of the betrayal. I cannot imagine how they would have felt if a baby had been brought into the mix. The pain that you have brought, is really unforgivable.

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That was a despicable thing to do to your gf. And, you didn't even have the decency to use birth control. So, not only did you cheat, which is terrible in of itself, but you got her pregnant. Double whammy!! What were you thinking? You should tell her; at least have the decency to be honest. She deserves better than you. I cannot image the pain and humiliation you will cause her. Shame on you.

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You probably knew that you'd get roasted on here when you started this thread. Many posters do reply based on their own emotions and reactions to something they read....

 

However, moving forward:

I doubt a family with the lover will work.. she’s far away in her home country now and probably wont come back

Also i will have to do a dna test... although i believe 99% is my child

I doubt it would work too and not just coz she's far away....As far as the DNA test goes, probably worth having. If she was willing to carry on this affair with you don't fool yourself that she couldn't do it to you either...just saying.

 

Also, has she stated what she wants from you as far as this baby is concerned?

.. and this was big lesson for me; i have no excuses - I’ve been infatuated with the lover for too long and i was even thinking i love 2 women

I do hope this will serve as a mighty life lesson yes...Lots of pain to get through yet though.

 

Perhaps you were in 'love' with 2 women. Happens often. There's polyamorous relationships and some cultures have several wives....However the difference is they're all out in the open and honest about it. Not lying and deceiving anyone.

Its few months to go now.. and i dont know how to tell her and I’m also scared of her reaction

Yep. In some countries you could expect to lose your nuts while you sleep...!

 

Still, you're going to have to rip the bandaid off and get this done asap. Or do you truly think you'll be able to just not say anything and it will all just float away down a glassy stream?

 

Do you and GF live together?

 

I would make sure she has a good support system ready coz she's gonna need it. Perhaps having one of her good friends there when you tell her might be good.

 

I've had couples come to my clinic to break news to their partners with a counselor present.

 

Once done you're going to have to give her all the time and space she needs to process and heal from this.

 

Now put on your big boy pants and get in there and do it.

 

Carus*

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I'm going to go against the grain here and say I think you should get std checked. If it comes back clear break up with your girlfriend and don't tell her you cheated, it will destroy her self confidence and she'll struggle to trust in future relationships. If it comes back positive then you have to tell her everything and let her go. It's selfish wanting to keep her!

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I'm going to go against the grain here and say I think you should get std checked. If it comes back clear break up with your girlfriend and don't tell her you cheated, it will destroy her self confidence and she'll struggle to trust in future relationships. If it comes back positive then you have to tell her everything and let her go. It's selfish wanting to keep her!

 

kinda depends on what he wants to do, right?

Does he want to stay with the girlfriend, or leave to go be with the other woman?

Now there is a child involved.Adds a whole new layer.

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