sos1981 Posted May 4, 2019 Share Posted May 4, 2019 My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. Some of it has been rocky (especially the last 3 months). The last 3 months, it has been like a moving target. He needed less texting during work for his stress levels. He never got to process his divorce. He decided I was texting someone else (I wasn’t....we were going on a trip, I had some work emergencies arise, and I was trying to “shield” him from that, which may have indeed looked like me putting down the phone whenever he approached). I found a GPS tracker on my car a few days later. After that, he agreed to go to therapy to work through his issues surrounding his divorce, insecurities arising from it, etc. We started doing things we enjoyed again, and I thought things were going better. Last week, he jumped on the tiniest issue and said we needed to call it off. We were back and forth some, and finally I asked to see him in person. We had a good conversation, but then he said he doesn’t think he can do stepkids, (my kids are 15 & 17 and like him very much) and he also doesn’t think his son (22) will ever accept me. His son graduates college next week, and I find the timing of all this interesting. After all the unrest of the past few weeks, I told him I felt like we hadn’t been “all in” in quite some time. He said he can’t be “all in” right now, that maybe he can sometime in the future. I left, and didn’t contact him. The next day, he sent me a text saying he had found some clarity and wanted to talk to me, which I responded to after some time and told him I felt like we needed to stick with our agreement. The next day, I felt bad (one of the “targets” was we talk about my life and not his, so I felt like I had done that again by not allowing him to talk to me) and we texted for a long time. I felt him slowing down his responses, so I sent him a last text, telling him I was proud of his efforts in therapy and I hoped he continued, but that I felt like we needed to cut the communication off. After a day, he contacted me again with the following: “I know I’m breaking our agreement. I wanted you to know I’m missing you and I’m continuing to read and see (my therapist). I hope you are doing ok. I just wanted to let you know those things. I don’t expect a reply.” I never replied to this one, as it’s clearly a breadcrumb. Now it has been another 24 hours with nothing. When does it get easier?? And what is everyone’s perspective on this situation? I have alternated between feeling like I have a lot of growth to do, and being in deep despair. I have worked out a lot, read a lot, stepped up my yoga practice, but most of the time I can barely eat, I’ve hiked into the mountains and sobbed under a tree, I can’t tolerate being in public at all. I just need perspective. We have an age difference (I’m 38, he’s 57) and I think that is playing into is as well. He feels this extreme pressure to “get it right” because he feels he is losing his “value”. Also, his ex wife of 27 years basically made him think she was only with him for the lifestyle he provided, and I think that has done a huge number on him. He has this need to “be sure”, but life isn’t sure. Not with me, not with anyone. I catch myself constantly checking his Instagram profile (he still has our pic on it). I know it’s going to be devastating if he changes it. Link to comment
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