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How do I know if he's interested and have I scared him off already?

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Hi guys! I'm in desperate need of some advice. I'm not very good about talking about my feelings and I tend to withdraw in tough conversations in general. I think it's out of insecurity more than anything else so since a guy I was seeing ending things with me a little under a year ago I've been making a conscious effort to spend some time along and reflect on myself and try to work out what I need to change in order to be ready for any sort of relationship in the future.


With this in mind, I met a guy at work in January and we got along well, my shifts are 12 hours long and you spend them with another individual. My first thoughts were that he was cute but I was still very much in the mind set of remaining single for a bit long. He was really funny and during the shift our conversation was pretty light hearted, it was a busy shift so there wasn't an amazing deal of down time. Towards the end of this shift he began to ask me if I'm dating. In the moment I was honest and simply said no and that with work commitments it's really hard to meet other people and I just want to do me for a while. He commented on how this is a shame because someone like me should be dating.


In the days following this shift I found myself thinking about him a bit so decided I'd add him on Facebook, i did and he accepted. I sent him a message and we chatting about absolutely nothing really for a couple of days. I was the last one to message so I managed to have some self control and not message again for a couple of weeks. I then went away for St. Patricks day and saw him in Ireland!! I was too nervous to even go and say hello- he was with friends including two stunning females so I also feel like it made me realise I'd never really asked him if he was even single.


When I got back from the trip he'd messaged me and asked if I'd be interested in doing an overtime shift with him. I said yes and went in the next day. During the shift I mentioned I'd seen him but he said he hadn't seen me. I said I didn't get a chance to say hello because he had left the bar by the time I got a chance to (I think he believed that). During the shift he was a little bit flirty and made comments that made me wonder, I had a croaky voice after a weekend of drinking and it kept cutting out. I said I hate having to talk to people with a man voice and laughed and he replied with don't be silly your voice is sexy. I can be a bit shy when receiving this comments so I said thanks but not much else.


He asked me a lot of questions about myself on the shift, including whether I'm the kind of girl who gets drunk and takes guys home, questions about my family, about past relationships and about what I want to be doing now and whether I'm happy. I've never really met someone before who comes straight to the table with all these tough questions and I answered them all pretty honestly and got to learn about him (he said he's single). I didn't ask whether he is seeing anyone though.


One thing I must confess is that I did tell him about the guy I was previously seeing. He knows of this other guy and as much as I didn't want to tell him about it I really didn't want to lie. I hate lying and always have and felt like even if this is just a friendship he should hear it from me and not anyone else. I'm still quite upset about what transpired between me and this other guy so I'm a bit worried that this would have been extremely off-putting for him. Given nothing has really been said or done between us I don't know how I can really come back from it.


We have messaged a couple of times since that day but it's mainly been me initiating it. He lent me his car to move house last month and now I'm away for a month so I haven't seen him in a long time either.


Somebody please just let me know if I should just give up and move on now!!


Thanks in advance!

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Well...did you find out if he is single? That's probably a good piece of info you need to have.


Anyway, I think he is aware that you are interested in him. However, you two work together, so many people will hesitate to muddy the waters that way. Bottom line is that if he is also interested and willing to take that risk, he knows how to ask you for a drink or dinner after work. If he isn't asking, it's because he is opting out, be it lack of interest or simply that he doesn't want to mess around at work.

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Well, the problem with dating someone at work is that most new relationships don't work out, and if it didn't, you'd have the awkward task of seeing the ex every day. You will have to consider if this is a risk you're willing to take, and just be aware of being viewed as unprofessional by management if you're mixing romance with work in the workplace.


I think his question if you get drunk and take guys home was very rude. And please don't feel like just because someone asks you a question, that you need to answer it. It's not called lying. It's actually best to not get into nitty gritty details of experiences with exes, so that they're picturing everything you did or went through with another guy. You can give a brief summary: We dated for a year and figured out we weren't right for each other.


Don't have diarrhea of the mouth. If you want to take the risk, tell him when the subject comes up naturally that after being single for x amount of time, that you're now ready to date. He's obviously not shy, so he'll go for it if truly interested. If he doesn't ask you out, he's just not into you, even if he flirts.

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I think his question if you get drunk and take guys home was very rude.


I don't want to take this out of context of the entire conversation - but yah, when guys ask questions like this one, they're testing you.


If they respect you and are highly interested, they don't ask rude questions like this.

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I agree with Andrina (again) and reinvent. Regardless, who knows what the context was really except for him and you. To me, he comes across as nosy and friendly, like a buddy. There is no romantic interest there that I'm feeling. He would have asked you out eons ago if he was interested. What was with those good looking girls and there were two of them. I'm not sure about you but someone who turns up with two unexplained women at a random venue doesn't seem like the kind of guy you'd be proud to take home to your mom.


Also he lent you his car....but he didn't help you move! What on earth is that about. 1) he either drives a piece of - and doesn't care what happens to it or 2) he's as easy with his women as he is with his cars. (careless)


I'm not here to blast the poor guy. I'm just speaking my mind what appears on the outset and from the minimal information put out there so please don't take any of this personally or as a critique of you. I'm sure he's a nice person. I am just not seeing what you're seeing and he doesn't even seem remotely attractive in terms of his personality.

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Speaking from personal experience, it’s probably more light hearted and fun for him. You’re working together and people often try to connect with others to make the hours more bearable. Especially the fact that you work 12 hour shifts together. I’ve had guys behave the same way, sooo chatty and interested at work, ask personal questions and admittedly the attention feels nice ! I understand that. Just don’t confuse that with him wanting to see you outside of work. If he did he would make an effort and treat this situation differently. with people like this enjoy the friendship and talking at work but leave it at that. I wouldn’t reach out again just keep it casual

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