The Decline of Enotalone?

[ApocalypseDreams]

Not about you. Dont think Ive seen any of your posts till now... I took a quick glance, I didn't see any post that could even be construed as me talking about you... you write about your health scares it looks like, where did I reference that? Thats some hardcore reaching to victimize yourself.

 

You are calling people names saying they're cantankerous and being all around negative. Which in itself is the exact same thing you're complaining about. Its the pot calling the kettle black.

 

You're right I don't know what its disguised as...you can enlighten me though.

 

I'm not sitting here acting like my sh*t don't stink so you can quote me, I proudly stand by what I say. I'm not a sinner on Saturday saint on Sunday type of girl, I respect cantankerous people who are who they are more than people who think they're holier than thou...its not my things its never been my thing.

 

I have made myself a pariah before by not going along with school yard, were better than them attitudes and I'm not going to start now.

 

This may not be the best board, but these people were here for me when I needed them, and I appreciate that, these regular posters are here for many people, the message isnt always dressed pretty, but if your goal is to heal to move on to be better and stronger, youre gonna get what you need. Being coddled, told what you want to hear, asking 'am I crazy' and expecting everyone to say 'no of course not' this may not be the place, but theres some d*mn good advice givers here, are they perfect no, do we butt heads like a dysfunctional family? Often...But I have been privately thanked many times for my words, I had someone tell me my advice helped them breathe another day, that to me is invaluable, knowing I make a difference...so youre right I am taking it personal, but not because I feel personally attacked but because I feel you are attacking people who were here for me and are here for others every day. There words have saved people, including me. Period.

 

Seriously. Listen to yourself.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. It's good a thread like this gets what seems to be happening out in the open. It helps to read other's thoughts on this and realize, you're not the only one noticing trends. I also agree that the mods/admins do a good job keeping troll posts, spam and disrespectful/flaming posts off the boards.

 

The rest of the content is not against any forum rules and there is nothing that can be done when the original post is a tome and very often a one-and-done. That in itself may inhibit replies. Threads that get derailed and devolve into 100s of posts of infighting just stop getting read or replied to except for those who have hijacked it. Those usually end with a "thread has run it's course, closed" message.

 

It may be an overall trend across many forums, social media etc. Not just an ENA problem.

The OP had bailed after the first post, and it was just pages of people debating and extrapolating simple interactions into human rights issues.

[Lester]

...but I just wanted to note this in the hope that all contributors will try to remain civil, and try to approach others with both empathy and objectivity (while of course lending the benefit of experience).

 

Much love,

T

 

Let's all try to treat each other the way we want to be treated.

[Jibralta]

It may be an overall trend across many forums, social media etc. Not just an ENA problem.

 

Yes, I think it’s a symptom of the times. Lots of intolerance in the air these days. Lots of right-fighters clamoring to be heard. Creeps me out; smacks of George Orwell’s thoughtcrime.

[boltnrun]

Yes, I think it’s a symptom of the times. Lots of intolerance in the air these days. Lots of right-fighters clamoring to be heard. Creeps me out; smacks of George Orwell’s thoughtcrime.

 

Yep. Too many people don't truly LISTEN. They just spend the time the other person is talking planning what they're going to say. Or, they interrupt because they think what they have to say is more important than anyone else.

 

And all the "but, but but, MY point of view!" doesn't help anyone.

 

I do think people have good intentions but they let their egos get in the way of giving advice. Something all of us can work on, I'm sure.

[itsallgrand]

The thing is we used to have a lot of positive threads too. You would be hard-pressed to find one a year now .

 

I've noticed this too. I got excited seeing a newer member post threads like the " getting older " one! That reminds me of what I've loved best about this place. Yes, it's for advice and some of it will be heavier. But it's also a community - and that feeling of inclusion and light hearted sharing makes a difference too!

 

Actually, to be honest, for me the shift was quite a few years ago. The forum was under construction, 'opened up' in some way ( I don't know technicalities !), and the tone shifted IMO.

I saw much more one and dones, people posting but not putting anything back in, and I think that contributed. Just my opinion. I think I even saw people write at that time, myself included, that they felt they had to step more lightly and we lost a lot of great folks .

[Seraphim]

I've noticed this too. I got excited seeing a newer member post threads like the " getting older " one! That reminds me of what I've loved best about this place. Yes, it's for advice and some of it will be heavier. But it's also a community - and that feeling of inclusion and light hearted sharing makes a difference too!

 

Actually, to be honest, for me the shift was quite a few years ago. The forum was under construction, 'opened up' in some way ( I don't know technicalities !), and the tone shifted IMO.

I saw much more one and dones, people posting but not putting anything back in, and I think that contributed. Just my opinion. I think I even saw people write at that time, myself included, that they felt they had to step more lightly and we lost a lot of great folks .

Absolutely agree.

[Cherylyn]

I actually think this forum is pretty tame, kind and nice compared to other forums. It's refreshing and I'm grateful. Other forums use foul language very easily, can get crude, rude and treat you as if you're being bashed, attacked and smashed in a courtroom by some bat crazy, insane prosecuting attorneys. This enotalone forum is absolute heaven compared to that. Other forums have mean spirited posters and moderators allow this type of behavior to fester.

[ThatwasThen]

I think there is a thread started like this one every year. It's a fact of life that not everyone gives advice that coddles. I think if one is 'saddened' or forum posts trigger them in someway then maybe its time for a break.

 

Its also extremely entertaining to see a complaining poster who doesn't like the debating going on is actually debating on this thread with someone that doesn't agree with them. How ironic.

 

I don't know. I love these boards because the posters here share genuine, honest, straightforward advice. It's advice that you might not want to hear, but it's what you need to hear. I think for the most part, posters are genuinely caring and respectful and advice comes from both, life experience and a good place at heart. Sure, there are times when people get triggered, due to their own past, but you can certainly take their posts with a grain of salt. Even in those posts, there is wisdom and life experience even if not currently relevant to you. You never know, it might become relevant later.

 

As a very good trainer of mine used to say, take everything you hear and file it away. Just because it's not relevant today, it may be the best solution to a problem tomorrow. Golden words, golden advice.

 

Btw, sensitivity to constructive criticism simply means that you aren't quite there emotionally to address the problems and accept the advice given constructively. That's OK. Recognize that, take a deep breath and give yourself some time to digest your problems.....then come back and read your thread again.....and you might need to do so a few more times until one day....you see the advice clearly and it suddenly makes sense to you. That's when you've arrived at a place of acceptance and ability to take in what's said constructively instead of reactively.

 

True dat!

[ThatwasThen]

Like I said, I think there is a thread like this posted every year: Just A quick search brought up this same type of thread dating way back to 2007.

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=184103&highlight=replies+empathy

 

I didn't search any further and just used the key words "unempathetic posts." I'm sure there are a lot more without the word "unempathetic" in them.

 

There has not been a "decline" at all but a realistic varying of posting style all along it would seem.

[WaywardKiwi]

Thank's all for you input,

 

After reviewing all the responses, I wanted to add that I have always been very impressed by the quality of the mods and admins on this board. They are extremely proactive and do regularly shut down threads where they have gotten out of hand or run their course.

 

I guess its all a matter of perspective and preference. Personally, I genuinely feel for OPs here; I know when I have come here as an OP, it has been because I really need some help and input. I could never fully explain my situation, history, issues and psychology in one post (despite my post frequently running ridiculously long), so I always assume that, like me, others are more complex than 'face-value', and I try to use humility and compassion to reach people and help them where I can. However, this doesn't mean I won't criticise or disagree where relevant, nor that I want 'coddling' when I am the OP.

 

In any case, for my part, I have decided to be more proactive with responding directly to posts I feel are inappropriately personal/prejudicial/confrontational. Perhaps this is the most appropriate way to deal with my perception, as opposed to appealing to others to change their behaviour.

 

Thank you again,

 

T

[Cherylyn]

Or, you can simply ignore and not comment if you think the OP is inappropriately personal / prejudicial / confrontational, etc. It's best to simply ignore and not get involved IMHO. It's just like society in person whether it's family, relatives, in-laws, colleagues, neighbors, friends, acquaintances, church brethren, people in your community, etc. There will always be people whom you don't admire and respect so you simply avoid them and stay away. Enforce your own healthy boundaries with others.

[boltnrun]

Whenever anyone tries to get confrontational with me regarding something I wrote I just ignore them. I mean, really, the people on this forum are not in my real life, so if one of them cares enough to "dislike" me it's not going to affect me.

 

The only time I reported someone who responded to a post of mine was when he wrote that he wanted to tie me to the back of his truck and drag me down the street until I was dead. Yep, someone got THAT worked up. I knew he could never find me in real life, but still...that person needed serious professional help.

 

But most of the time? No harm, no foul.

[katrina1980]

Bolt, that guy was sick! Kudos to you for letting that roll off but reporting him.

 

Anyway, your post and Cherlyn's were gold! Cutting and pasting for future reference.

 

I'm not the OP obviously, but thank you, great advice, both of you.

[Wiseman2]

True the only recourse is to place the unwanted posts on ignore and report posts. However many people may hesitate to report posts, but here are the criteria: "Note: This is ONLY to be used to report spam, advertising messages, and problematic (harassment, fighting, or rude) posts". Of course posts that are off topic or lack compassion don't fit that criteria.

The only time I reported someone who responded to a post of mine was when he wrote that he wanted to tie me to the back of his truck and drag me down the street until I was dead.

[Lester]

don't fit that criteria.

 

I feel like many of my posts somehow get pushed into an ignore list, whereas I used to always get feedback from other contributors, now rarely do.

[Wiseman2]

Posters on phones don't have the rep point/comment feature.

I feel like many of my posts somehow get pushed into an ignore list, whereas I used to always get feedback from other contributors, now rarely do.

[Seraphim]

Yes, we do but you have to use the desktop mode I only use my phone but I use the full site feature.

Posters on phones don't have the rep point/comment feature.

[mustlovedogs]

I just discovered that. I’ve been on the app exclusively and now I see all these comments y’all have made to me [emoji44] sorry I never reciprocate... I didn’t know!!

[Wiseman2]

There unfortunately is a parallel trend in original posters attacking respondents. "Get off my thread!", when they don't hear what they want. There is also an uptick in some entitlement issues with original posters. For example some feel that they are entitled to a dream team of $250./hr experts who with sort out their train wreck of a situation for free.

 

When someone posts a problem here there is no client-attorney, client-therapist or patient-doctor relationship established. Therefore there is no "standard of care" involved, meaning if someone posts a situation, they may get bad advice, good advice, blunt advice, opinions they don't agree with, etc. It's really the original poster's responsibility to take or leave any comments they receive in response to their posts. The original poster can also take a look at the forum rules and see that they can report any posts that are flaming, disrespectful etc and again, that is an option they have.

 

What does get ridiculous is posters other than the original poster who quote and disagree and go on to deconstruct the advice of other respondents.

I have noticed a significant uptick in what appears to be biased and unwarranted attacks in some of the replies here, including from some longer serving members. This is across several threads as well directed at a variety of OPs and members.

[Lester]

What does get ridiculous is posters other than the original poster who quote and disagree and go on to deconstruct the advice of other respondents.

 

What I fear is even worse than that.

 

It's a process I've seen on other sites whereas you're quietly followed by an contributor/mod who, for reasons of grooming the forum, deletes or shadow-bans your advice.

 

What may seem as blunt, could be exactly what the OP needs to hear, but not deemed sensitive, or presumed projection.

 

Grooming and not following they're own rules is what I believe turns these sites/forums into bowls of oatmeal.

[SherrySher]

What happened to mustlove, FIO and Kat? Some really great posters.

[Wiseman2]

What happened to so many?

What happened to mustlove, FIO and Kat? Some really great posters.

[greendots]

I haven't seen Carus either.

 

I hope they are doing alright. Circumstances aren't the greatest at present.

[Long Gone]

I haven't seen Carus either.

 

I hope they are doing alright. Circumstances aren't the greatest at present.

 

Carus was wonderfully supportive towards me a few years back. Really nice guy!