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Mine is easy … we met on line about a year ago I did not want to get too serious, but he wanted to know me. I don't want to make this long but you need to know. He was with in 30 minutes of my place. we waited a long time to really want to get to know each other mainly me. I have had a really hard time with relationships. I was not looking to start over or be anyone's babies stepmom. we finally met he brought me flowers and coffee at 5:30 am. That was sweet, we talked he was so service and I was too so we did not even kiss. He left and a week later he came by to take me out for coffee. We continued our talking and texting but then he stopped. His job (roofer) took him up to IA, NE, and IN then one day he tells me he is in Denver. Our friendship took a tern to wanting more then just being pen pals or simple calls. I was impressed, we had a lot to talk about and so much incoming yet there was something missing. Well 4 moths after he was in CO he surprised me by coming for a visit … He said he had a lot to talk to me about. We went to dinner and I found out his real name and that he had two children. I was upset and he held me one thing led to another and well we were together for the first time. it was 24 later that he had to return to Denver. Once he was in Denver he called late one night and informed me that he was still married but had not been in her life just the children for over a year. I cried I wanted to end it I could not believe what a fool I was being made of. But eventually I gave in and forgave him. We talked he came back in November the holidays were good but we had our little disagreements mainly because I wanted his time and he wanted to spend it with his children and friends yes we were living together until he had to return in January. He left and I cried I thought it was over. We had a disagreement about him not including me in his children's life he took his cousin to lunch with them but did not invite me. he would go shopping and I was not there ether. I went to see him twice between January 25 and again February 22, I love him. he said he had a surprise for me he was going to propose… but I did not get a proposal.

He came back to Kansas City on March 6th and by March 29th he had his own place with his cousin Sergio. I spent time with him and he with me in that month. I decided that if he was not going to propose to me then I would … so on April 26th I got dressed and bought a ring. I went to him to propose and he said "things have not been good between us lately and he would have to think about it" I cried he said don't cry then he kissed me said I love you and I came home. On Saturday April 27th I went out to clear my mind I ended up at a little bar. I drank and danced then came home. I saw a message on my phone from him "LOL" I called he said a friend called him and told him I was at the bar and he said he saw me dancing. I went over to his place and for over an hour I begged for forgiveness and he said he could not. I have not called just sent a text every morning since asking for forgiveness and letting him know that I love him... yesterday he sent me a text requesting I not tell him that I love him. I am at a loss...I don't know what to do and Love him.

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Why would you need to apologize for going out and dancing? If I'm being honest, it doesn't sound like he values your relationship as much as you do and you need to decide on if you're willing to deal with that for the CHANCE he might realize what he has, or to go out and find someone who not only knows, but appreciates your efforts.

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I'm sorry, but based on how this reads it sounds like you're the sidechick and he's got an entire other life that who knows what else he's hiding. First it was his real name, oh btw two kids as well. Hey guess what, I'm also married and excuse, excuse, excuse.


I also read 'i cried' a lot within your post. And now after all this shadiness and drama, and a denied proposal, he's got you feeling guilty for going out and enjoying yourself? Read over your own post and look at it logically and objectively and tell me if this sounds like a relationship that could possibly work.

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Sorry to say but this is the classic "my wife doesn't understand me but I stay for the kids" story. Delete and block him. Date locally and take your time. Make sure with time you see where/how someone lives.

he called late one night and informed me that he was still married but had not been in her life just the children for over a year.
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To answer your header, you should know by:


1) your attitude - not wanting to be anyone's babies' stepmom (distracted by some of your boundaries, you left loopholes and instead dated a real jerk)

2) he's all over the place moving and not stable (this should have been an immediate red flag - business is bad or questionable in the local area)

3) he wasn't upfront about his family (having two kids or his marital status)

4) you allowed him to live with you yet you were upset by all the ongoings in your relationship (pay attention more to your emotions; they are automatic/built-in flagging systems)

5) you expected the relationship to be at a level where he's introducing you to his family (this was not the case; this is a red flag! ie. failed expectations/not on the same page)

6) he said he would propose (but he did not; second failed expectation/not on the same page)

7) you went ahead and decided to propose instead because you seemed impatient no one was proposing (did not pay attention to the failed expectations prior)

8) he mocked you while you were out on your own time (lack of respect demonstrated)

9) you begged for forgiveness but he never asked for it (in fact, at that point, it seems he wanted nothing to do with you)

10) he doesn't want to hear from you or be reminded that you love him

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