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Second date - dating tips and men’s view on scars???


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I met a guy on my birthday had a drunk kiss. We have met up twice now. The first guy I am really interested in after my relationship of 7 1/2 years ended last year. I have been single for just over a year. I have had some dates but this is the first guy to give me butterflies. He is great we are same age ( normally go for older) he is confident, cheeky, easy to talk to, ambitious, flirty and so far a gentlemen. I guess I am scared and we have had a peck after dates. I am concerned as I haven’t dated in over 8 years and everything seems to have changed. Any advice? One last thing not that I’m thinking about it right now but being intimate with someone new! Very anxious and nervous as I have a childhood burn scar in my left leg and back. I don’t know the best way to approach it. Are men really out off by scars? We are in such a superficial time with social media. Previous partners I never discussed first!

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Here's a story that might calm your nerves:

 

I (a red-blooded man) matched with someone on a dating app last year who I ended up dating. My first question to her? "How'd you get that scar on your chin?" I happen to find scars pretty cute, as I think real beauty is in our "imperfections"—in quotes because, c'mon, is there anything more boring than perfect?

 

"Whoa—good eye" she said, and told me the story of where the scar came from. An hour later we were sipping beers in a park. I've got a lot of scars myself—some visible, some emotional. I'd like them all to be cherished someone, as I cherish them. They're who I am.

 

Just something to chew on to maybe get the hyperventilating to ease up.

 

Another something to chew on? Things didn't work out with that woman, but I'm okay. Some really special times, some nasty times, some lessons—no complaints. That's dating. You were okay before you met this man, which means you'll be okay wherever it goes. Remember that real quick. Like, remind yourself of that.

 

Moral of the story: you've met a nice guy who you're enjoying getting to know. Lean into that—because that in itself is fun, rare. It'll go where it goes. If he's got an issue with the leg scar—well, his loss. If you end up not feeling him in three days or three weeks—well, happens.

 

As for being intimate with someone new? Well, it's always scary. Always awkward. Always thrilling. The jitters are the price of admission for the butterflies. So wait till you're ready, whatever that means for you. I'm just one guy, but if a woman nervously told me (during, say, one of those make-out sessions that feel like its going to lead to clothes coming off, or maybe over dinner a week before) that she's got a burn scar on her leg and back—well, I wouldn't be buckling or freaking out. At all. I'd just be more curious—and if I wasn't? Screw me. Not the dude for you.

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We all have scars. It comes with being human - our very physiology is created to sustain and heal from wounds by creating scars! Also.. try having children. By that time you're patching up the new generation and forgetting your own scars. If he can't handle the scar on your leg and back, it's one less person you need to worry over ever meeting again. Be the usual lovely, wonderful person you are and don't let these things get you down. Expect him to continue being a gentleman until he proves himself otherwise.

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Guess what?

He has a huge hairy mole on his back!

 

Actually that was a really hot guy I dated in my early 20’s lol!

It wasn’t until we got intimate that I knew that of course, it didn’t bother me in the slightest!

 

Relax! Take your time to get intimate , don’t “warn” him about what you perceive to be an imperfection, when you get intimate let him enjoy being intimate with someone he wants to be intimate with.

 

You , at this point, have no idea what his “imperfections” are.

He might have a 3rd nipple , would you disregard him based on that?

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Confidence is one of the biggest attractors to love interests. When I was a teen, I grew four inches in one year and have stretch marks on my thighs. I never mentioned it to any guy, and it was a non-issue. I've read all that men think is: Oh my God, there's a naked woman in my bed. And they are quite happy.

 

Magnifying what you see as flaws is putting him in an uncomfortable spot where he has to speak about an uncomfortable topic in your mind. Would you be bothered if he has burn scars on his body? I think not, so don't think less of anyone that he would. If he asks, tell him the facts, just as you would to any friend, avoiding negativity about its appearance.

 

Most people aren't so shallow as to reject someone for a body anomaly. My husband and I joke that when it's a full moon, he's going out hunting since his back is so hairy he could be a werewolf.

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OP, here's a real story for ya.

 

I was in a bad car accident in my late teens and broke my leg, my femur.

 

It wasn't healing properly so I had an operation that left me w a 4-inch scar on my right thigh.

 

It has never ever been an issue in any of my dating experiences or relationships.

 

I still got approached at the beach plenty too, my scar in plain visible sight.

 

Some caddy people (women) made comments but I shrugged them off, I literally did not care.

 

Which is crucial to others not taking issue w it either. Your attitude speaks volumes.

 

Embrace your flaws and others will too!

 

When dating a man, no man ever blatently asked where I got it, and I appreciated it -- sent me the message it was not an issue for him.

 

Whether literally or figuratively, he did not see it. Or if he did, did not matter.

 

In time, I would tell him about the accident, the surgery, etc and most if not all would tell me how sorry he was that I had experienced that and gave me a hug.

 

And for me personally, any man who did quickly notice it or any other flaw, and ballsy enough to ask about it, was not a man I would wish to get involved with.

 

I was never rejected because of it, never ever.

 

In short, if you don't have an issue w it, no one else wil either!

 

And if they do, good riddance. You don't want a man like that anyway.

Edited by katrina1980
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Female caddies really are the most judgmental, though. God forbid you even just once ask for the wrong club.

 

Leave it to you to come up w a snark, lol. :D

 

No worries, I deserved.

 

To my credit, I did correct it though.

 

But touche!

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Dating tips?

 

- If someone is in to you, they will make time for you.

- Treat mixed signals as not interested. The result is the same.

- Care less about success and focus more on enjoying the process.

- If you are having a really bad time dating, you're man picker is broken, or you need to fix yourself. Bad dating is never because of men or women. It's because of us.

- Don't put out early then scratch your head wondering why they left. Men will wait. Boys will flee.

- Men are human too.

 

Scars?

If someone's not O.K with it, they're just not a good match. I think most people won't care.

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Thank you so much and sharing your experience and being reassuring. My scars don’t affect me and haven’t really seen it being insecure. I guess was with someone for so long and people react differently. Thank you 🙌🏼

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Very true and thank rob for sharing Katrina. I am a burn survivor and very proud and have learnt to live with my scars definitely. I’m not perfect no one is have stretch marks too which I proud off as I carried my daughter. Confidence is key and I will remember that x

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I do have a beautiful daughter. She always says I’m confident as I don’t want her to feel away or grow up feeling that way I guess. I guess I had a moment of I like this guy. I think I had a freak moment. Thank you for your reply x

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