Jalapeno1234 Posted April 24, 2019 Share Posted April 24, 2019 5 weeks ago I met a musician at a bar. We connected immediately and he asked me out for coffee. Que 4 or 5 very very good dates, we got to know eachother very well as we are both very chatty and open. We kissed very soon and I began staying at his place. After around 2 weeks he said "its fast. Its scary. But Ive seen you lots and I really, really like you..I..I told my friends and family about you and I..i can just see this going somewhere". I too felt intensely attracted, connected and very comfortable with him so went along with it until one night he asked me if i wanted to have sex (Im very closed with sex and want to be very confident that whoever Im doing it with is gonna be sticking around) and he told me "Come on...take your clothes off..I want to feel your skin against mine". His intentions were normal for how affectionate we've been but I freaked a little telling him I felt like it was still too soon for me....He was fine and we had a nice evening. I went to university the next morning after staying at his place (Im a postgraduate student who has finished lectures but has big submissions until september) and woke up in an anxious state. I suddenly realised how much Id been slipping in my grades, friendships and health (we didnt cook sometimes as we'd go to his gigs and get fed there or get take out..) and...my stupid flimsy mind went into overdrive and I had this horrible sense of "what am I doing? Im not ready for a relationship yet..I need to sort myself out before I intrude in someones life". I didnt mention it to him but kissed him goodbye as we parted ways. Two days later...we met..had a nice afternoon but I felt a horrible sense of doom and I saw him on his FB account and on it said "In a relationship" but it was on lock (so that only he could see it) and he told me he was humiliated but that he felt we were more or less in a relationship and that he was gonna ask me soon if we wanted to put it online. He then goes on to tell me he planned to introduce me to all of his friends that night and I again went into my stupid socially anxious state and told him "I...I dont know about this. I dont know if I want a relationship. I dont know if Im ready to be official after 10 days. I...I need to sort my head out, im sorry". He was chill and understanding but told me he wasnt willing to mess up my grades and that it sounded like I needed some time out to think things through. I went home and he messaged me quite offhandedly all night with stuff like "So what are we? are we over? is this it?" I told him to not rush me as I needed a bit more time and he once again said "But when will you know? when?" ..at this point i was ticked off ; he wasnt giving me time to pinpoint my feelings and it seemed as though he was only interested if this was gonna be an official relationship. He then gets a little drunk (Understandably) and down the phone says "Im so confused, this came outta nowhere and Ive not done ANYTHING wrong." I go on to apologise about how I tend to overthink eeeeverything in relationships and that I just needed a day or two to gather my thoughts but he then said "Im sorry if Im pissed off but WHY is it always me who is never with anyone? WHY do I always end up alone?! why!" We went from consistent phonecalls, meet ups, messaging to absolutely nothing. He treated me well , looked after me and was a gentleman and I've been reflecting over the past 10 days on all the good things (I know better not to be fooled by the power of loneliness/boredom so have avoided ANY contact). But I feel pretty grim - I told him everything all of a sudden before he had a gig (when I feel something I HAVE to follow my instinct and be truthful) and I cant get the image out of my head of how we left things. I dont know if I miss him, I was very certain after that call that I didnt ever wanna entertain the thought of us together but obviously he had the right to be upset...Do I message him as not to seem cold? or will it mess with his brain? Link to comment
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