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My boyfriend tells me off for buying some unhealthy food


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We've been together for 4 years and my health and weight during that time has never been an issue until about a year ago. I started my gym membership and went a lot and results came back great, except I actually hate the gym. I have tried to keep up with the gym routine of 3-5 times weekly, but each time I could only stand to do that for 2 months and and I absolutely hate the gym. I can't force myself anymore. Alternatively I now go for long walks or some runs and I eat reasonably healthy with my veggies, fruits and meat, usually none of that fatty burgers or chips or junks. I eat pretty much the same things he does and we'd like to eat healthier but money is an issue. The problem is he now tells me off every time I buy something that isn't healthy. For example I wanted the milo cereal because I haven't had it in a while and I've always liked it. He tells me “it's not healthy! It's all empty carbs and sugar!” It pissed me off so much because he also eat unhealthy things at times and when I try to talk to him about this issue he says “well do you often go for runs and work out at the gym? I can eat those things sometimes because I often do those things. You hate it when I'm right about these things don't you?” He tells me that I am happier when I exercise as well which is fair I must say, but I really hate the gym!


I'm not even overweight, the last time I went to the doctor my results came back quite healthy. I'm a size S, sometimes M or 8-10UK in my clothes and I'm okay with my weight. Ofc I could lose a few kilos but that's if I wanna be like those insta models.


Our relationship is great in other aspects but he won't stop bugging me every time I buy something that isn't 5star health rating. I'm so frustrated!!

What should I do?

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If he cannot accept you as you are then imo he is not the right person for you. His behaviour sounds mentally abusive. You need to draw boundaries and if he crosses them then you need to consider whether you are happy living with someone like him in the long-term...

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Is this an actual problem? Or is it a debate/argument similar to the one you picked with him about theoretically being paralyzed? Overall, pick your battles and do not discuss your eating habits, weight, image problems, etc with your bf. he sounds somewhat like a jerk. Eat and stay in shape as you see fit. Why do you care what he thinks or eats or does for fitness?

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I eat healthier than my husband and I will not comment because I think it's rude. Since I am his wife I followed up on a health concern he'd shared and mentioned it might be exacerbated by a food choice he made (nothing to do with weight) - I know more about nutrition than he does. But it was said in a teamwork kind of way and because I honestly didn't think he knew the potential link to his health concern. Bringing it up that way, in that context and not telling him what to do -just a suggestion - was totally fine and I'd do it again but sparingly.


I think you have to assert your boundaries in a polite way when you're not annoyed and see if he gets it. If he doesn't I'm not sure if you want to live with that kind of annoyance and potential control if it gets worse.


Aside from your boyfriend's inappropriate comments I'll comment that I don't think a gym is necessary at all to get fit and healthy. I haven't belonged to one in over 10 years (we do have a small workout room in my building and I use the treadmill quite a lot but I don't "need" it to stay fit) - find a cardio activity you do like whether it's power walking or dancing in your living room for at least 20-30 minutes or running or finding a work out on a DVD or youtube you like so you can do it at home and do it - it really is essential for your health no matter how much weight -or no weight -to lose. And I think it will help you work out some of the negativity in your life with your relationship -meaning help you kind of sweat it out plus clear your head and get to what you really want to do with this relationship.

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This is an actual issue and isn’t one that I made up.

The hypothetical situation affected me because he’s going to be in the airforce full time within a year from now, and he’s asked me whether I support that decision. It’s definitely not an easy decision choosing your life being a military wife, but I support him. When I support his decision regarding his life choice, it means that I am supporting him through a career of him being away from home and kids for months or years at a time, it means that he could be in very dangerous situations and could end up coming home to me dead. This is why I have an issue with him telling me he wouldn’t be my partner anymore if something serious was to happen to me even though he has a higher chance of getting injured and has chosen a career that leads our lives, not us lead our career.

I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m not okay or not ready to be a military wife, I don’t think anybody is ready for that kind of life, but I am certainly okay with it. But when I choose to be by you with that I expect the same.

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Agree with Bat you need to assert boundaries, stand up for yourself; not sure how "polite" I'd be about it though. :p


I'd probably just tell him to knock it off, I'm a grown woman and will buy what I want. I wouldn't even mention how hypocritical he is since he buys less than healthy too, as he's likely to only get defensive.


Just tell him you will buy and eat what you want, he's not your prison warden!


I refuse to "walk on eggshells" afraid to rock the boat, and if it starts an argument so be it.


Speak your mind!


He may even start respecting you more for it!


This has been said so many times I've lost count -- we teach people how to treat us.

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Agree with those on the need for clearer boundaries.


If you hate the gym, no reason to do something you hate. If you're happy with how you look and feel, no reason to change a thing. So make these lines clear to him—and, hopefully, he respects them. If not, well, then you have some thinking to do.


Is eating healthier and/or working out more a newish thing for him? Or maybe something he thought you guys were doing together, like pushing each other to "stay in line"? I just ask because I wonder if, beneath is jerk-like way of handling this, if he's just insecure himself and projecting that onto you a bit.

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Oh I'm sure he is insecure blue, most controllers are.


Would it make a difference where it stems from though?


It shouldn't Imo.


Some people may even use it to excuse their behaviour -- oh poor baby he's just insecure. I need to make him feel more secure that's all.


I've seen where that happens, and it escalates leading to behaviours much more egregious.

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Wow, that is incredibly rude and demoralizing to you. I agree with the other comments that better boundaries need to be in place. I think you both should emphasize more respect in the relationship too. If he lashes out at you again, just pause and tell him calmly that speaking that way is not going to solve anything. You have your own autonomy and can make decisions on your own. If it's your money and you're purchasing the cereal treat you like, you should be free to do so. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.


Both my husband and I eat mostly protein/fat. Every now and then I have sushi, fries, dim sum or whatever I like. With or without him. We never berate each other like that or micromanage. Keep up your healthy body image and stay true to your own self.

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People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Your boyfriend feels entitled to say these things for you because there are no consequences when he does.


Start by telling him that you appreciate his concern for your health, but you're not going to listen to criticism of what you eat from now on. If it continues, you could leave the house for an hour or two. Maybe eventually he'll get the message.

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Did he ask you to marry him? It may be best to reconsider things while he is away...or sooner

he’s going to be in the airforce full time within a year from now, and he’s asked me whether I support that decision. It’s definitely not an easy decision choosing your life being a military wife, but I support him.
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Healthy is not just about weight.

Honestly "i can't afford to eat healthy". Yes you can. A sweet potato costs less than a candy bar. Water is cheaper than soda (and often free) \\


maybe ask him what's up

"i noticed you are upset when i eat junk food. this started after i started going to the gym.

Maybe he gets upset when you have a goal in mind and then give it up

or is it about your appearance

or is he genuinely concerned about your health.


Before you decide he's an abusive control freak - if this is just a recent development - just ask him about it. See what he says. And if it continues after you find out, then go from there

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Oh I'm sure he is insecure blue, most controllers are.


Would it make a difference where it stems from though?


It shouldn't Imo.


Agreed, 100 percent.


Bottom line advice to OP: I'd be reconsidering marrying this guy.


Me, I've got some good habits, some bad habits. Used to love nothing more than a cigarette after yoga class, and my patience for people judging or trying to get me to change was exactly zero. I change when I'm ready, if I'm ready—end scene—and I never ask other's to change.


The reason I asked? I suppose I was wondering if—maybe—the whole diet/exercise stuff was a kind of "couple thing" and he felt a little "abandoned" by her forgoing the gym. No excuse of being a wounded tool bag and throwing a tantrum about cereal, but perhaps more wiggle room there for some constructive communication and boundary-setting than if, you know, he's just a quiet dictator more generally and this is all a symptom of a larger dynamic that has long been their dynamic.

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It is your body. Ultimately, that would be my argument. My boyfriend has picked on me a few times because he doesn't like to eat things that have been canned or have been in the microwave. I use the microwave a lot. This has been an issue. When I kindly remind him, "Hey. I'm not making you eat it." it usually puts the problem mostly to rest.

If he's saying you're nicer when you work out, MOST PEOPLE ARE! It's a stress reliever even though it's not fun. But that doesn't mean you have to do it. Again, it's a personal choice. I would ask him if the problem is really that you said something to upset him or if you were in a bad mood, not that you hadn't gone to the gym that day.

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Ew Ew Ew Ew Ew. This man is trying to control your body. Leave him.


Nobody gets to decide how healthy you are, what you eat or how you exercise. Also, nobody gets to tell you they are morally superior for choosing vegetables over a chocolate bar. Food is not a religion it is fuel.


This is controlling and inexcusable.

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I don't think food is the real issue here. It's the way he treats you with disrespect regarding his snide comments. This is the problem. You need to rethink and decide if you want to remain in a relationship with a boyfriend who will make you unhappy for the long term. This is what you need to consider.


Food choices are beside the point.

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