SueEvans Posted April 23, 2019 Share Posted April 23, 2019 Hi there Well basically I am wondering if anyone could give me some advice as I am at a loss of what to do. I have been in my nieces life since she was born. My sister has always been very jealous of me because I have managed to keep my weight down over the years and a whole load of other things that are too long and complicated to go into here. So basically I think my sister and so does my husband and several other people, has a personality disorder. She is obsessively jealous of not just me, but many people. She has had many boyfriends leave her, and two husbands have also left because she is demanding and very very controlling. The last marriage she had she produced a beautiful daughter; the only reason though, that she wanted this child, was because as she put it “this child will knock Ben’s son off his perch”. As she was also very jealous of her ex husbands son so she thought that by having a child with him (which he did not want) she would make him love her child more than his existing child. It actually made their whole marriage disintegrate further. She became very bitter as he worked longer and harder more and more To be away from her drama and negativity. Finally her ex-husband left her. He still sees my niece regularly And he has a new partner but my sister causes all sorts of drama which I won’t go into here. When my sisters ex husband left her, although my sister loved her, my niece was very much in an inconvenience to her. My niece was often palmed off on my mum and stepdad and spent most of her very young years in the care of her grandparents nearly every weekend or whenever possible. Consequently as I am close to my parents I got to spend a lot of time with Annabel. I grew to love her very much. She is now 12, 13 in about four months time and she is very intolerant of her mother. She can see that my sister is very much a drama seeker and my niece prefers to be anywhere (with friends, with my parents, at her dads etc.) than with her mother because her mother gets very short tempered with her and shouts a lot. The problem is, as me and Annabel are close, my sister has, in the last two years, become very jealous and awkward about our relationship. I have got to mention that I never say anything negative about my sister to my niece. When it was my wedding last year my niece was bridesmaid and my mother and I thought it would be nice to have my niece staying over the night before the wedding, my sister made it very awkward and wouldn’t give us an answer whether she could stay. Now she does this continuously. Basically if I ask if I can see my niece she’ll come up with some excuse as to why I can’t see her. Usually it is because she wants to spend time with her. The last time she did this she said she hadn’t seen Annabel because she had been at her dads for a few nights so she told me I couldn’t have her because she was spending time with her, but then she let her stay at her friends instead. If I tried to ask her why she is preventing me from seeing Annabel, she gets very angry and causes a row and then it ends up where we don’t speak for months on end. I have tried to play her at her own game by agreeing with her about everything but she still makes it very difficult for me to see Annabel. Even Annabel is now saying “my mum seems to have a problem with me seeing my auntie“. I have to wait for Annabel to be at her grandmas before I can see her, but consequently this means if I already have plans, I won’t get to see her. This is really hurting me as I Love Annabel so so much. I do not want us to drift apart. I don’t know what to do for best. My sister is not approachable in the slightest. Forgot to mention, I have never wanted children and my sister has always put pressure on me to have them. I think she is very angry that I build a relationship with my niece and haven’t had all of the parenting stuff. My mum is no use either because she is very much weak in the shadow of my sister, and my sister has always been very dominant over my parents. It is as though my parents are scared of her. I asked my mum what she would do if her sister was doing the same to her (Preventing her from seeing her neice) And my mum said she would give up, which further hurt me even more as it is though everybody wants me to forget my niece and our relationship. Thank you if you have managed to read this far. Hope somebody can give me some advice of how to manage this situation. Link to comment
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