Bondl1209 Posted April 19, 2019 Share Posted April 19, 2019 Hi so I’m new to this but I’m in dire need of help on my current situation! So back story is this: met this girl at work, (Jan 2018) started hanging out a lot, within the first month of us dating we told each other we loved each other and entered the best honeymoon phase - I say that because I know that’s what that part of the relationship was and don’t get me wrong it was the best feeling in the world. She was my perfect girlfriend, we had everything going for us, gave her a promise ring on her birthday and I truly loved/love her. Skip forwards a few months, we saw each other pretty much everyday, and it was good. Octoberish time we ended up both agreeing to try a theresome with one of her best friends. We were drunk but all consented, and it went bad. Very bad. I felt like I was made out that I forced them to have it, I did not and I would have never of tried to put them both in a situation where they felt unsafe. Two weeks later my gf told me that her best friend had confessed to her that he had fancied her for a long time, but I did not react because I had no reason not to trust my gf, and felt comfortable in our relationship and the level that we were at. I also sat down and asked her about what she wanted and she said she honestly wanted what we had and that she was going to keep her distance from him just because of what had happened in the previous weeks with us all. Skip forward to last month, so March 2019, we’ve been together a year but we began to argue quite a bit, and saw each other every day without fail. We never went out though, even on my 18th birthday when I went out clubbing for the first time and she promised. At the end of March it had got to a point we’re I had to talk about it with her and try and think of a way to fix it, and ask if she was happy. She was in quite a state so I gave her a week to reconcile her thoughts and decide whether she thought she wanted us or not. (I had told her I didn’t want to break up and wanted to just talk more about feelings to help). We came back a week later and she was more prepared, we agreed that we should not see each other as much I.e live in each other’s back pockets, and go right back to basics again. Her words exactly were “if it works, it works.” We also both agreed that we hadn’t been the same since the incident in October with her best friend, and I think we had both become a little insecure about it and was too touchy + embarrassing to discuss. She said she thought we should remove our label of ‘together’ but also not date other people, which I couldn’t do anyways. We could still text each other and talk and We were both going to put in a conscious effort to make each other happy. So it’s now the end of April nearly since that all happened, and I mean it’s been so so hard. She doesn’t want to talk to me about what she wants and how she sees us, and for me I need her to be able to talk to me because that’s where we failed in our relationship which she knows. I know it’s petty but she sends me kisses on texts, talks to me about all the amazing things she wants to do in the summer, but the texts are rare and I mean rare and I almost feel like she’s forgotten everything we’ve ever had. I know this whole thing might sound hypocritical because we both agreed to going back to basics, but I’m the type of person who needs the reassurance that she misses me, that I actually had a small impact on her life and that she wants to have me by her side. I need that reassurance that it wasn’t for nothing. I don’t know if I can just be her friend because I love her, and this is so painful to go through because in reality I feel like I’ve lost my best friend as well. I guess I just don’t know what she truly wants, and I don’t know how to get her to talk to me honestly. I don’t know when I’m next going to hear from her, if she will be blunt or send kisses, or even if she will tell me that she misses me again. I’m so confused on the whole situation and it’s driving me insane because all I want to do it call her and tell her I love her but i cant. I can’t sleep because I’m wondering if I’ll ever get her back, and it internally frustrates me so much when she talks about exciting things she wants to do but then doesn’t ask about what I want to do or if I even want to do any of them with her. Am I over reacting? How do I get her to talk to me? Or do I need to not talk to her at all for a while and see if that can help? I want to be there for her, but all the mixed signals I don’t know if she wants me to chill out or not? Like is she waiting for me to say it first or not? I guess I just want to get the simple yes I want to be with you or the no I don’t so then I can try and move on. Please can someone just be brutally honest with me and give me some help. It is such a weird and confusing stage to be in, because I feel like all the things I could do 3 months ago like just go over and see her, I can’t do now and it sucks big time. Link to comment
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