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I don't know what I mean to him?


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Hi

 

My friend of four years never really told me who I was to him. Like I was always unsure whether I was his friend or would it be more. We did most things together verging on couple like things and probably crossed a lot of boundaries (not physical). He then before Christmas told me he was setting boundaries after four yeara. Recently after an argument he told me to leave him alone. With Easter coming up, I want to make a mends with him but we haven't spoken in 2months. I care for him deeply. Don't really know how to get his attention.

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"Our friendship was very much intense. We did everything together, including matching hair colours, matching clothes etc."

After reading your other thread, your friendship sounded unhealthy. He also sounds controlling and insecure.

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I think that people should see the entire post to be able to respond:

"Is telling my guy friend i love him weird?

Hi

 

Any advice will be appreciated!

 

Me and my friend over a month ago had an argument over my social media activities (Yes very trivial lol ). I had followed his cousin by mistake on a instagram account and he found out. He told me to leave him alone and not been in touch for a month.

 

I did a disgusting thing and lied to him about it, bearing in mind he knows when I'm lying even about the smallest of things. I ended up telling him the truth about everything and why I did it, told him i was sorry. I told him i only ever cared about him, loved him more than I show and only ever wanted to make him happy. Is it weird to say those things to a friend?

 

Going back a month, I had told him I had feelings for him. So I'm just worried that my apology message will weird him out. When I said I love him it was out of a friend context.

 

Our friendship was very much intense. We did everything together, including matching hair colours, matching clothes etc."

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The only other thing would be I can be quite obsessive sometimes ( stems from anxiety ) but not in a dangerous way. Earlier on he and my other friend had got annoyed because of it and me messaging them too much and thought it was weird. That combined with the social media incident may have just meant they had enough. I hope that makes sense

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Hi

 

My friend of four years never really told me who I was to him. Like I was always unsure whether I was his friend or would it be more. We did most things together verging on couple like things and probably crossed a lot of boundaries (not physical). He then before Christmas told me he was setting boundaries after four yeara. Recently after an argument he told me to leave him alone. With Easter coming up, I want to make a mends with him but we haven't spoken in 2months. I care for him deeply. Don't really know how to get his attention.

He asked you to leave him alone. How about you do that.

 

If he wants to make amends with you, he will contact you.

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Therapy would help you sort out the insecurities and issues that lead to these types of obsessions, anxieties and confusion. You never dated this guy, so leave him alone and get on some dating apps to find a real bf.

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Already having therapy and it's helping. I know I never dated him but we became good friends and don't really want to lose that friendship. I know the whole dynamic is strange to alot of people but it's just hard to put into context how much I care about him. I know he asked me to leave him alone but I just thought it was out of anger as what I did wasn't that bad, it's not like I cheated.

It's just hard because I lost my nan in July, then on the same day my best friend blocked me and two months ago he told me to leave him alone. I know I can be needy and obsessive at times but when I care about someone it's very hard for me to walk away from them even if it's easy for them.

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How could you "cheat" on someone you were never with?

 

Seems like you thought of him as your boyfriend but he didn't think of you as his girlfriend.

 

If he asked you to leave him alone...you should leave him alone.

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I meant in the context of the mistake, as in the mistake isn't comparable to someone cheating. I always knew were friends, never thought of him as my boyfriend. I know I should as i don't want to make it worse but it's very hard when someone is always there and then they're not.

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You guys hung out like a couple - which means dated - for four years and you still are just friends? That's a seriously long time with no kissing.

 

It's not like the Hollywood movies. You will likely always be just friends.

 

No problem! Just find another man to date.

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I understand your obsessive nature, but this unhealthy tendency will always serve to push people away from you. When you obsess over others, they can never do enough for you or be enough for you. You will always expect too much from them. Your focus right now should be on yourself. You can take that obsessive side of you and flip it into a healthy focus if it's on the right thing, which for now should be personal growth. Continue therapy and if your friend wants to reconnect, they will.

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Thanks for your answer Likewater. Yeah just wish people close to me would understand that I'm not obsessive in a dangerous way towards them, it's just all built up in my own mind, not external if that makes sense.

 

If people close to you are thinking you are obsessive toward them, it's obviously showing outwardly.

 

I'm glad you are getting therapy. It's only going to help.

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The only other thing would be I can be quite obsessive sometimes ( stems from anxiety ) but not in a dangerous way. Earlier on he and my other friend had got annoyed because of it and me messaging them too much and thought it was weird. That combined with the social media incident may have just meant they had enough. I hope that makes sense

 

Is the other friend still in touch with you?

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I understand where you're coming from. No she's not, we've not spoken for nearly a year a now. She thought I had been spreading gossip about it to other girls (had not) and blocked me on everything.

 

You're right, I can't do much now but back off as I've already apologised enough.

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Ok, this would be a great thing to discuss with a therapist. Why are people blocking you and asking you to stop contacting them? There is no such thing as "harmless obsession". This is not about "caring so much", it's about not respecting people and lacking healthy boundaries. Therapy can also help you with this victim mentality and believing people owe you their time and friendship. All thoughts and issues to bring to your next therapy session.

I know he asked me to leave him alone but I just thought........

 

 

my best friend blocked me and two months ago he told me to leave him alone.

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I definitely don't think people owe me anything but sometimes I haven't respected boundaries as well I could have. I am working on that though. When my friend blocked me it was just a misunderstanding to begin with and then my obsessive messaging made it worse.

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I definitely don't think people owe me anything but sometimes I haven't respected boundaries as well I could have. I am working on that though. When my friend blocked me it was just a misunderstanding to begin with and then my obsessive messaging made it worse.

Get the therapy you need to stop being an obsessive bunny boiler then. Sorry to be so blunt but you're not getting it. You keep making excuses for yourself and there is no excuse for not listening to someone who has asked you to stop contacting them. There is no excuse for continuing to look for someone to tell you what you can do to get yourself back in this person's life. Take the hint, darling and let it go. Make new friends once you have learned how to not be obsessive and how to respect boundaries.

 

You are going to be just fine without this person in your life once you learn the skills that will help you to love yourself.

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