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Purely O affecting our sex life


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My husband and I have been together for almost 6 years, but newly married. Two years ago he was diagnosed with Purely O, a form of OCD. He gets very disturbing intrusive thoughts that he obsesses about and cause him distress and anxiety.


Because his intrusive thoughts are mostly sex related, you can imagine the impact it’s had on our sex life. We rarely have sex (about 6 times since we got married this past summer) and when we do it’s because I’ve initiated it, and it seems like he doesn’t enjoy it at all. Almost as if he’s pushing to finish just so it can be over. And because I know he hasn’t been enjoying it, I’ve stopped initiating because I feel bad putting that pressure on him.


The only thing is, he does still masturbate. Which I’m glad he’s able to have that release because masturbation is obviously healthy and normal. But I just wish he was able to have that with me.


We’re going on our belated honeymoon in three weeks and we haven’t had sex in almost two months. I have a feeling since it’s been a while that the pressure to have sex is going to lead to not having sex at all.


I don’t know what to do anymore. I know he feels so guilty so I don’t want to kick him while he’s down and be like, “hey I know you’re struggling with anxiety and purely O but you’re not having sex with me anymore”- that just doesn’t feel right to do. But I’m also forgetting what it’s like to be wanted and desired. I masturbate but I miss being touched by him and having that intimacy with him. If anyone has any advice or can relate please help.

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Thanks for your reply! I used to bring it up a lot more in the past but I see how much it upsets him as well and I feel so badly I don’t want to make him feel guilty. I’ve bought toys in the past and sexy outfits and it used to work but the last few months any time I’ve tried he’s just said, “I’m so sorry I want to but I can’t.” Or he’ll try to have sex with me because he knows I want to, but I can tell he’s not enjoying it and then I end up feeling like I’m forcing him to do something he clearly doesn’t want to do. He is able to get aroused but he’s not able to get out of his head and just enjoy it because of his purely O.

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