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I think he is too shy to make a move


allisonnm
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Hi everyone,

 

I have a coworker that I have had a crush on since he started. He used to be my manager but now I have moved different departments, so I rarely see him. Apparently it is common knowledge in the workplace that we flirt with each other all the time. One of my co-workers made things really awkward today when she flat out said "you guys should date, its not like he's your manager anymore" in front of both of us. She described the way we both reacted "adorkable" and said we're both awkward, but she thinks we would be a really great couple. I'm not sure what to do now because its a bit awkward seeing him now. Should I just make a move since it is kind of already out there in the open? He's kind of an awkward/shy guy so I'm not sure that he would make the first move. Or do you think he's not making a move because he used to be my manager and its a work-related reason? Help!

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Its not a good idea to date someone from your work because if it goes south, it will be REALLY awkward then. However: If you're determined then just ask him if he'd like to get together after work for a drink or a bite to eat and see what happens. He will either turn you down and you can then do the mental work to undo your crush and stop flirting with him or: He'll say yes... and there ya go.

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Honestly, after talking to my coworkers, I just didn't agree with a lot of the advice. Our company is very open about coworkers dating as long as the person isn't your superior and 3 of my coworkers met their husbands at a previous job. Also, I have heard that it is a known fact that he flirts with me as well.

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From your other thread, I have a strong feeling you're being baited and there's too much drama in your workplace. I say this because of the rampant gossip and the goading/cheerleading from the peanut gallery. It's unprofessional and very off-putting. How long have you worked there? I'd consider making a lateral move to another department or consider promoting yourself or giving yourself a raise (ie. looking for a position for better pay elsewhere without forfeiting your experience if possible). This doesn't sound like a healthy company. Weigh the pros and cons of your employment. Distance yourself right now and stay away from this male coworker. I say this with respect - I think you are making a fool of yourself. The short answer is that he's not interested in you. I think you would know by now. I hope you feel better soon.

Edited by Rose Mosse
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Honestly, after talking to my coworkers, I just didn't agree with a lot of the advice. Our company is very open about coworkers dating as long as the person isn't your superior and 3 of my coworkers met their husbands at a previous job. Also, I have heard that it is a known fact that he flirts with me as well.

 

He is definitely not shy!

He added you on fb within a few weeks of working with you and asked you to a friends party.

He then invited himself over to your house the next day , made a move, hooked up with you (even though you apparently don’t do one night stands but did with this guy, why?)

You hooked up twice since then. Doesn’t sound like he ever made the effort to take you on a date.

 

He has had plenty of opportunity to ask you out.

He just doesn’t want to.

 

What made you enter a fwb thing with this guy if you wanted more?

If you don’t do one night stands then why sleep with someone who has not offered more?

And by that I don’t mean him saying “ I really like you” “I want to date you” blah blah , I mean by showing he is offering more by actually respecting you and taking you on dates.

 

He is not interested. Flirting is not something people only do with someone they want to date, it’s also something people do when they want sex.

It’s the effort past the flirting stage that differentiates the two.

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He is definitely not shy!

He added you on fb within a few weeks of working with you and asked you to a friends party.

He then invited himself over to your house the next day , made a move, hooked up with you (even though you apparently don’t do one night stands but did with this guy, why?)

You hooked up twice since then. Doesn’t sound like he ever made the effort to take you on a date.

 

He has had plenty of opportunity to ask you out.

He just doesn’t want to.

 

What made you enter a fwb thing with this guy if you wanted more?

If you don’t do one night stands then why sleep with someone who has not offered more?

And by that I don’t mean him saying “ I really like you” “I want to date you” blah blah , I mean by showing he is offering more by actually respecting you and taking you on dates.

 

He is not interested. Flirting is not something people only do with someone they want to date, it’s also something people do when they want sex.

It’s the effort past the flirting stage that differentiates the two.

 

I think this was another co worker...... Started working there in December and hooked up with one and now a crush on another????

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I think this was another co worker...... Started working there in December and hooked up with one and now a crush on another????

 

Someone asked was it the same co worker and she confirmed it was.

 

Trigeminal neuralgia... dubbed the suicide disease !

Glad you got it sorted!!!

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Also, I have heard that it is a known fact that he flirts with me as well.

 

If he's not too shy to flirt with you, he's not too shy to make a move. Your coworkers may think you'd make a great couple, but nothing's going to happen unless HE thinks so. Men usually express this by asking you out.

 

If you can't stand the suspense and wondering 'does he, doesn't he?', then by all means make a move. At least it will settle things in your own mind, but be prepared for disappointment. Maybe all will be good, but this puts me in mind of Greg Behrendt's chapter heading: 'He's just not that into you if he isn't asking you out!'

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Someone asked was it the same co worker and she confirmed it was.

 

Trigeminal neuralgia... dubbed the suicide disease !

Glad you got it sorted!!!

 

I think that was about the previous post about this guy, if you read all three threads i think two of them are the same guy and the first thread is another guy, otherwise the stories don't match up either

 

Off topic, yeah suicide disease is accurate!! I came very close to that!

But am painfree for 17 months now!! Cause was a tumor which had twisted the facial nerve in my brain

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I think that was about the previous post about this guy, if you read all three threads i think two of them are the same guy and the first thread is another guy, otherwise the stories don't match up either

 

Off topic, yeah suicide disease is accurate!! I came very close to that!

But am painfree for 17 months now!! Cause was a tumor which had twisted the facial nerve in my brain

 

I can’t find three threads?

But if the op is talking about a different coworker within a few months timeframe of starting at that workplace , then she is the issue.

Can you quote where it suggests it’s not the same coworker?

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If you look at her threads you see one from two weeks ago and one from February that was also about a co worker, the last two threads are clearly the same story and guy and the one from February about Facebook and hooking up was a different guy, if not the stories sure don't sound the same, maybe she'll clarify...

But if it are really two different guys then be aware that this is the easiest way to get a reputation at work, workplace is for work, not hooking up....

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If you look at her threads you see one from two weeks ago and one from February that was also about a co worker, the last two threads are clearly the same story and guy and the one from February about Facebook and hooking up was a different guy, if not the stories sure don't sound the same, maybe she'll clarify...

But if it are really two different guys then be aware that this is the easiest way to get a reputation at work, workplace is for work, not hooking up....

 

Thanks!

I read them! To me it sounds like the same person but her “story” has changed.

OP, are you fantasising or are you actually into someone while hooking up with someone else?

Please clarify.

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It's more important what you think and what he thinks. Avoid discussing your love life at work this much. He probably knows you have a crush on him. He's probably not making a move because he is either not interested in you that way or he has someone or because it makes work awkward. Avoid further embarassment and do not ask him out. Get on some dating apps and start messaging and meeting men.

she thinks we would be a really great couple. he's not making a move because he used to be my manager and its a work-related reason? Help!
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If you look at her threads you see one from two weeks ago and one from February that was also about a co worker, the last two threads are clearly the same story and guy and the one from February about Facebook and hooking up was a different guy, if not the stories sure don't sound the same, maybe she'll clarify...

But if it are really two different guys then be aware that this is the easiest way to get a reputation at work, workplace is for work, not hooking up....

 

The February thread is from February 2018.

 

But still, OP, you seem to have a pattern of getting "crushes" on coworkers and then things turn messy or awkward or they don't work out the way you want them to.

 

Which is why I suggested expanding your dating search beyond your workplace.

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The February thread is from February 2018.

 

But still, OP, you seem to have a pattern of getting "crushes" on coworkers and then things turn messy or awkward or they don't work out the way you want them to.

 

Which is why I suggested expanding your dating search beyond your workplace.

 

Aha didn't even see that!!

Then yes, definitely different guys! And also different workplace, but still a pattern....

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