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Probably The Sickest Rollercoaster youve ever heard.


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Wow.. So where do I start

 

So me and my present girlfriend now ex broke up in February.. we have been together on and off for 7 years and have a beautiful 3 y/o daughter together

Prior to this relationship I was with a girl for 8 1/2 years and had 2 kids with that ended horribly and her taking my children out of state and caused a lot of personal drama and trauma in my life remember this note..

 

For years me and this girl were extremely close whilst there being a sizeable age difference she was 18 I was 25.. But she wasn't like normal 18 year old's she was reserved smart mature..

 

And unfortunately I was anxiety ridden trauma scarred depressed no motivation & a loser.. I had no job no car didn't have my own place for 4 years.. But im guessing our chemistry and my personality was worth more

Weve been through a lot together and gotten past things most couples wouldn't ever.. We had our first child 3 years ago.. And my life and responsibility's grew Better Job after better Job Getting over Severe anxiety's and fears like driving

We got a place together and were living there and being a family when suddenly my job started going down they cut me down to part time and some shady was happening so we made the decision to quit that job.

 

2 Months went by no job calls arguments began to become more frequent we started getting more toxic and toxic until 1 day she snapped threw me out and ended our family... I got a job 2 days later but an argument that had happened where things were misspoke pissed her off really bad.. and with that breakup past trauma & complete panic took over my mind and I chased and Hounded her for about a month and a half Just pleading trying to talk to get get closure anything.. and There was mixed messages Ghosting the works which inevitably I know drove her farther away and made her angrier.. But losing my family and everything coming back I just lost it.. and her response to my plads of closure to talk to communicate and try to work things out and be a family were met with hostility cruelty hardsh words toxic behavior..

 

This Girl.. and our memories and my famly means the absolute world to me.. She pulled me out of the gutter and helped me become who I am now and don't plan to stop there..

 

After the breakup this girl has completely transformed at 25.. I and my family who know her well considered her mature classy etc but shes transformed into this person.. She died her hair pierced her nipples getting huge gawdy tattoossleeve tattoos talking about getting under her breasts tattooed.. Shes meeting random guys from okcupid and sleeping with them siting she doesn't want to be in a relationship or anything serious She went as far as sleeping with someone I have nothing but hate for.

 

This was said after the fact.. Of last night we got into a huge fight she called me crying belligerent yelling how she hates me she wants me ing dead etc.. She called me hours later asking me to meet her at a restaurant with our daughter.. I went we went back to "Our" home together it was like nothing happened that day.. we got our kid to sleep we were communicating things like issues what had happened what shes doing.. the first time truly communicating in along time..

and we slept together.. and then she was telling me I didn't want to know.. the above and said that im she doesn't want to be with me she wants to be alone she wants to Try new things with new people...

 

And as pathetic as it all sounds I told her like im the father of your child you could easily call me over and it wouldn't be awkward or anything cause I don't want her to get raped killed or stds..

 

But I was shocked.. layig in my bed next to her it was like.. I have no idea who she is.. Like overnight she transformed from a cautious smart classy girl into this reckless angsty Half teenager Half adult person..

 

She assured me nothing is going on when my daughter is around she claims were done for good but ive heard this before in past breakups our last breakup minus the things shes done/ said in the last 2 weeks was far worse then this one and she said she was done then??

 

I Have no idea what to do.. idk if chasing her caused her to just go out of her mind.. but last night was the first time weve communicated about issues the whys since the breakup zo its like the old girl I love is still in there..

 

And im trying to make things right since the breakup I got a better job a lisence im about to get a car been working on myself and she's just... idk what she's doing its like shes completely out of her mind.

 

When she had her nipples pierced she looked at me dead in the face and told me I did the ultimate thing that proves were never getting back together... and I said oh? whats that she said I got my nipples pierced and I just stared at her like who the says or thinks that?

 

Ive looked up How to get your ex back self help guides the stages of a a breakup for a dumper which according to it shed be in phase 2... Elation and being completely out of character..

 

I Know im all over the place with this story and skipping things but... Im lost..

 

Is This Normal for people to be that drastic? That Out of Mind? That Reckless?

 

This breakup was just a collimation of little things and being temporary out of work.. that exploded I regret chasing her.. and I just want to know what I have to do.... To Bring Back the girl I love and my family from the depths of hell

Edited by Enderfect
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Idk how you could call Drastic behavior and being eradtic like that growing up lol.. its like the mentality of a Teenager.. Like instead of family values for my child and morals.. Im gonna be Wild and Crazy lol I just don't understand it..

 

and Holy ya me to everytime I see her she cries she wants me to come home..

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I am sorry you are going through this.

 

We cannot tell you here what is going on with the mother of your child.

 

If I were you, I would leave her be, your relationship has had many ups and downs, use what you have learned and keep improving yourself.

 

The only way you can help in this situation is by maintaining a job so you can support your beautiful 3 year old and focus on being a good dad.

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Ya im Trying just im worried about her.. like this isant he at all

 

I understand, and let me tell you, often times, not always, young women who have been in long term relationships or who have kids very young may get a little liberated once they are out of those relationships, if I'm a little candid, it happened to me when I had my first child, I've seen it happen to friends of mine as well.

 

It is natural to be worried, but as long as this behavior does not affect your child directly or puts her in any danger, it is not of your business

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Like with us sleeping together last night and talking even about the I didn't want to really hear or know and her saying whats on her mind.. like I understand we were together since she was 18.. and she might feel like she hasn't lived or had fun when we had plenty.. and I know I didn't help matters acting desperate and panicky.. but its like I talked while together about tattoos piercings she had no interest.. at all and its like shes going to the extreme to distract herself..

 

I Know what we had was real and everytime weve broken up weve gotten better and better as people and grown.. its just scary to see this

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Well, I'd focus on two things: earn respect for yourself and be accepting of her new look/values. It is temporary. It is definitely a teenager thing. Just be a sort of father figure for her and your daughter too. Accepting of the eccentric behaviour, not judging, being smart and dependable this time yourself. Having a job, having a plan for life, striving for better things, better future, looking after yourself - being in good physical shape, hygiene etc - physically attractive, is a turn on for most women. A guy with a plan, with a back bone, who knows what he wants, what to do, who's strong, and accepting at the same time, with boundaries of course. Like when she starts telling you those things you don't want to hear, you can tell her honesty that it hurts you to hear them, and please can she omit the details. If she doesn't, you need to leave, and say I'd come in another time.

 

I think mainly commanding respect through a good job, being mature adult this time for two girls, defending your values and what's important to you, looking after yourself will eventually shift her towards becoming more normal again. When she was "the smart, mature classy", you were the weak and broken, she "pulled you out of the gutter". Now it's your turn, so to say. You now need to become responsible, dependable adult so that she can relax, and be a happy woman again.

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I'm not sure why she stuck around that long with you, to be honest. You prefaced yourself as an unmotivated and depressed loser. Yet your entire story frames her as a damsel in distress as if this is a novel straight out of the Victorian era (google women and insanity in the 19th century or the "hysterical female").

 

I understand you're beside yourself with shock but I don't think you have anything to be surprised about. Take some time to collect your thoughts and try and figure out where to go from here. You've just got a new job. Work on stabilizing yourself and being a good father to your daughter. You do not have to work on being any kind of father figure to this 25 year old+ woman. Don't take on more than is appropriate.

 

She doesn't want to be with you. Your first step is practicing respect for her and respect for yourself. Respect your daughter too as this woman is the mother of your daughter.

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We can't exactly guess what's going on with her and know that we are right.

 

But she could be going through a phase where she doesn't want to let go of her youth. Some people go through a kind of midlife crisis when they have children and have been in a serious relationship for a long time.

 

They want their youth back, their independence and they want to explore sexually.

 

It's not good, because at the end of the day, she is still someone's mother and these behaviors don't go along with being a good parent. It could be very toxic to your child.

 

As for your relationship with you, she isn't interested. I know that hurts to hear it, but she will only use you if she has no one else. The love you once had and the relationship you once had, is gone and it's not coming back. She has moved on from that stage and so should you.

 

You need to stop allowing yourself to be used and you need to stop thinking that she might still want you or that it's your job to save her or to help her.

None of those things are going to help you and you can't fix her. You're not going to end up being her knight in shining armour.

You will end up being a doormat and she will respect you even less than she does now.

 

What can you do?

Stop sleeping with her. Stop bowing down to her and get a grip. She is no longer your partner and you need to stop letting yourself be walked on.

 

Your job and your main focus should be to take care of your child...she should be number one priority right now and your main concern.

Her mom is acting freaky and out of sorts...she needs a responsible adult who can give her security.

That's you.

 

Stop talking to her about who's she's sleeping with, what piercings she has, etc. She's only doing it for shock value and to prove to you that she no longer needs you and is asserting her own dependence, however immature that might be.

That's her problem...not yours...so don't make it yours.

 

Your job is to change focus, make sure your child is alright, that they are being taken care of properly and have all her needs met.

Let your ex go through her own weird phase, but make sure you child doesn't suffer due to it.

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Why was it on/off? Clearly there was enough conflict and incompatibility all along if you were on/off. Usually on/off relationships are about unhealthy attachment combined with incompatibilities. It's time to reflect on why it was on/off for 7 long Years.

we have been together on and off for 7 years and have a beautiful 3 y/o daughter together
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