Jump to content

I’m in love with a married man


Recommended Posts

I was in a relationship with someone. We weren’t our happiest and I started a new job in the city which put more of a strain on our relationship. I started talking to someone at work about it and the guy from work totally understood. He explained that he is married but him and his wife have a very different relationship. They are just friends who made a bad decision and they have a child. He is only with her for the child and if he wasn’t scared about his wife telling his child vhe il lies about him, he would leave her in a heartbeat. He doesn’t want his child to think he doesn’t care. Me and this guy started spending lots of time together as we both needed someone to talk to. I ended my relationship as it was getting worse but as soon as I did felt like I had made the wrong decision. The guy from work was treating me like a princess taking me for fancy dinners in nice restaurants, showering me with gifts, taking me everywhere and told me he wants to show me the world. He told me he has feelings for me and he wishes his situation was different. He told me I make him happy and we both enjoy each other’s company. I don’t think there isn’t a moment where we are not smiling or laughing. I told him I wanted to call things off because I couldn’t stop thinking that when we aren’t together he goes back to his own family and his own life. I don’t begrudge him for that because I understand it is for his child but at the same time I have feelings. I don’t want it to stop because I enjoy being with him and I also now have feelings for him. But he will always go home to his wife and his child. He always says his home life isn’t what it should be and that he and his wife are only together for the child. I can’t ask him to leave because he has already said he can’t, but I can’t fall for him even more and then have to call it off in 6 months time. What do I do

Link to comment

Sorry this is happening. Jumping from one bad relationship to another may seem like a quick fix for now, but you seem to realize this will not end well for you. Take a break and reflect on all this. Perhaps start some short term therapy to sort out what you want out of life. Is it an affair? If not, come to terms with things.

Link to comment

Thank you. I totally realise that this will not be a lasting thing and I don’t want to degrade myself but waiting around hoping he may leave her. I’m suffering from depression at the moment which doesn’t help. I have spoken to one person but I don’t feel I can talk to many friends or family because they all knew my ex boyfriend well. I feel confused with where I am in life and don’t really know what I want. But one of my things has always been to see the world and enjoy life. I just don’t know if doing it with someone I have feelings for and has feelings for me is best because we are only going to hurt each other in the long run. I would call it an affair on his part. And he says if I wasn’t around he doesn’t know what he would do because I make him happy. I just can’t get the thoughts out of my head. But I still want to explore the world with him and don’t think I could see myself doing it with anyone else

Link to comment

See a doctor and get a check up. Make an appt with a therapist for ongoing supportive talk therapy. Friends and family or not supposed to be therapists anyway and the temporary rush and thrill of an affair is not an anti-depressant. You are treating multiple problems and issues with a quick thrill.


You will crash and burn harder. He will walk away with his family and marriage intact. You will further your loneliness and desperation and depression unless you are willing to help yourself. You are indeed pondering if he would leave her since he is already stringing you along with the "for the kids" line.

I’m suffering from depression at the moment which doesn’t help. I have spoken to one person but I don’t feel I can talk to many friends or family because they all knew my ex boyfriend well.
Link to comment

That is exactly true. I’m trying to suppress problems with a thrill. But that thrill won’t last forever and inevitably in the future will become worse and harder to deal with. I believe him when he says he is staying there because he’s frightened of what she may say to the child and I totally understand that as a parent you do everything to protect your child. I feel like I should ask him if he sees me as a current thing or if he sees future stuff like house and kids because if he doesn’t then it definitely needs to stop. I don’t think he’s stringing me along but it is messing with my head because he has his own life

Link to comment

He already told you there is no future, why bother asking? To be strung along further? Get to a doctor and a therapist. Talk to someone who can help you with real issues. "Fancy princess dinners" won't be so pretty when he spends all his quality time with his family and you are crying by the phone home alone on holidays weekends etc. Get your own bf.

Link to comment

Yes, exactly, he IS having an affair, he IS married. In all honesty I think you are being played for a fool. I'm on this forum constantly and there are lots of posts here like yours. Where someone is cheating but they come up with all these excuses: "Oh, but I'm not happy with my spouse/I feel trapped/I'm only there for the children." That is a load of BS because most people that don't want to be married would eventually do something about it. If he's completely not into his wife then do you honestly think he envisions himself being with her the rest of his life? I think he does want to be married to her but he also found a shiny new thing (you) who he can play for an idiot because you believe everything he tells you.


He has never said that he will leave hee, right? He just wants to keep seeing you on the side but to stay with her "for the child". He has a very good arrangement going with you so why should he leave his wife? You say you're trying to be understanding because he's doing it for his kid supposedly. There is no need for you to be "understanding". This man is cheating and not only are you participating in the cheating but you're also validating his BS reason for cheating!


I mean, if you only want to be a side piece then you can continue but you will not end up being with this guy, the wife will.

Link to comment

You believed his story. UGH. I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. That is what all married men say. They are not happy, but are staying for the kid. I'm sure the wife thinks differently.


What you are doing is very wrong. I feel for the wife and kid.


Be a better than this. Not a cheat who sneaks around with a married man. How would you like someone to do this to you? Very selfish and foolish!


You don't tell your friends and family because they will not approve, not the other bull sh*t reason you gave.

Link to comment

You do realize that he is totally lying to you, right?


He loves his wife, he married her because he wanted to. It had nothing to do with his child. Yes,he might feel some kind of obligation to stay for the child sake but I bet you any money if you went and talked to the wife, she wouldn't have a clue that anything was wrong as no doubt he goes home to her, kisses her, makes love to her. and tells her the same things he's telling you.


Please don't be so naive.


He wanted a side piece, someone to amuse him while he got to keep his wife too.

He will never leave her, this is a very old story and one men have been doing for hundreds of years.


You will end up wasting a lot of your time thinking he will eventually leave and he will continue to give you excuses as to why he can't.

He will never be yours.

Link to comment

Picture it for one moment from the wife's side.


She married whom she thought was the love of her life. She carried his baby and she is now living a married life with him.

She probably doesn't think anything is wrong. Goes about her day, gives him a kiss when he leaves for work, takes care of their son, takes care of their home, cooks their meals and so on.

Goes to sleep with him at night feeling safe and happy and thinking things are good.


But in the meantime, he is actually sneaking around, lying, cheating, betraying. Being the worst human being he can to another human being. If she ever found out, it would destroy her and destroy any happiness she had at all.

Her entire world would come crashing down.

And does he care? Nope, he gets to bed two women, he is selfish and self centered.


How can you care about a man who is capable of this?

What if one day you become the wife? Will you be able to get through it if your husband does this to you?


Karma has a real funny way about giving people harsh lessons.

Link to comment

First of all... dont be silly. He can most definitely leave and still be there for his child. Don't accept that as some excuse. It's 2019 and families come in all shapes and sizes. His romantic relationship with the mother has no relation to his ability to be a good father. That's just an excuse on his part


This isn't some forbidden true love situation OP. It sounds like he chose his wife. I'm sorry, I'm sure that's frustrating but he chose his wife. He's making it sound like he's forced into this and that this is some forbidden love story with a tragedy ending when in reality, if he truly wanted to leave he could just walk out the store and STILL be the best father ever.


I'm guessing that he's not as unhappy as he says he is and he has some feelings for his wife. Which is normal because it's his wife. If he had the same feelings you have, he'd realize that it is extremely possible to co parent with someone he's not romantically involved with, it just takes a little more work. Since he's not even entertaining that idea I think it's safe to say that this is just a fling for him and he has every intention on staying with his wife.


I think you should heal yourself and start looking at single men so you won't find yourself in this situation again.


Best thing about single men? They're single! You could be living your life without drama and heartbreak and all you'd have to do is start pursing men that are actually available. This whole drama, heartache, situation could be illiminated if you decided to entertain a single man instead of a married one. Choose that for your life

Link to comment

I see a lot of people being harsh on you because they're thinking about the wife but I'm just going to say this:


He's not clear of blame but don't be the reason another woman doesn't get her happy ending. Maybe he's a serial cheater and maybe he'll cheat again, who knows but you dont have to be responsible and you dont have the the one he's cheating with.


I compare it to crime. Theres probably an active serial killer right now, doesn't mean it's okay for you to do it to or assist someone else

Link to comment

If you don't wish to be his mistress and homewrecker then don't be one. You did the right thing by ending your relationship with him. Do the right, honorable thing and consider a married man off limits.


He's playing you for a fool hoping you'll believe everything he says. He treats you like a princess but he's getting off cheap. His wife has the marriage, house, child and financial security. You have neither. He's just stringing you along.


You are next. He'll cheat on you, too, betray and deceive you so beware. Be intelligent and learn to walk away.

Link to comment

I was a married man and she took my breath away. She was married too. Each of us with one 18+ children but not ours, from previously marriage.

We started dating and soon I was in love for her. But it was just me.

She wanted to feel love as it was not the case in her marriage.

I took steps to end my marriage, even if she did nothing to end hers.

At some point thr relation with her husband degraded to much and she left.

Now, after 4 years of joy and pain we broke up for good.

It's any lesson here? I think it is. If someone loves U he or she will do almost anything to be with you. Form the beginning till the bitter end.

She was not truly in love with me, it was just something that she was missing from puberty. She has a lot of bad experience in her life and the only thing I can think of is that she has lower than normal EQ.

Anyway, if someone is in love it will move a mountain with a spoon. Commitment is a must.

Take care of U, some day someone will love U the propper way. Dont get trapped in this.

U deserve better.

Link to comment


what a great guy you've bagged this time. he's not only cheating on his wife but he's fooled you into thinking he's just staying for the child. he's staying because he wants to. the only way he'll leave her is if she finds out about his affair and boots him through that door.

take a good look in the mirror, don't lower yourself to this. stop this affair now. you will never be able to find happiness while in this "relationship". get rid of him and spend some time on your own.

good luck.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...