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2years later...


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hi all, its been close to 2years since the drama in my life started.. 2years ago, my ex cheated on me and i crashed into the lowest point of my life.. i had a hard time letting go and going on no contact. i remember every day was a torture, every day i was wondering if the next day is going to get better.. every day i cry, thinking about our memories and the regrets i had.

 

fast forward 2years later, after many nights of crying, lone drives crying.. a couple of relationships, i finally felt myself feeling better again. i dont cry that easily anymore.. i still mourn the loss of our relationship, but i am not that miserable anymore. when i see her at work i dont feel like im crushed anymore.. our interaction at work was kept to the minimal, simple hi/byes or sometimes even pretending not to see each other at all. i was sure i had no romantic feelings for this girl anymore.

 

then last month she sent me a message, asking how was i and if i would like to catch up..

we eventually had dinner together, chatted and briefly updated about each other's lives, but we avoided the topic of our current relationship..

i receive texts from her now and then, briefly chatting abit..

 

and heres the thing.. i dont know how to feel about this. on one hand i am very sure i don't have romantic feelings for this girl anymore.. i cant even bring myself to hate her for what she had done to me. sometimes i still feel angry thinking of what happened but i do not hate her.

but.. on the other hand i miss the old us so much.. sometimes i miss us so bad it hurts..

why am i feeling this way? i dont want to get together with her anymore, but why do i still feel so sad?

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It's because you're in the presence of someone who once deceived you badly. I'm surprised you're asking yourself this question. I think you're trying too hard to fake that peace. Call a spade a spade, be civil but it doesn't mean you have to go to dinner together(!?!). Move on with your life and go to dinners with other company. She's being a bit ridiculous asking if you want to catch up. This isn't Disneyland.

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I'm here on trying to fix my own problems, so I'm no expert.

 

All I know is, it must be difficult to let go of the old you (couple) when 1) there's no new female in your life to replace her and 2) when you're constantly seeing her at work, and having occasional contact.

 

It might not be a bad idea to either look for a different job, or explain to her that even though you care about her as a human being, you can't continue to be in contact with her, because it's perpetuating negative feelings.

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You say it’s 2 years since the drama started in your life suggesting it’s ongoing.

But it’s not. It started and ended 2 years ago. With a grieving period post that.

 

Why are you still in mourning?

I get that you still seeher at work which would make the grieving period harder and somewhat longer , but 2 years???

 

And you have had a couple of relationships since her. Did they end because you hadn’t dealt with your breakup ?

 

How long were you in a relationship with her for?

 

And why on earth would you go to dinner with someone who barely acknowledges you at work?

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The breakup sounded traumatic for you and you would have some PTSD from that....and therefore 2 years is nothing really....

 

I'll be coming up 2 years soon and seeing my ex would be a pretty big trigger....and going to dinner, no way!

 

There are different levels of trauma and PTSD but the brain certainly catalogues it all....and certain triggers will trigger certain things...

 

I do hope you will continue to heal and get better....and phase her out if it's troubling you*

 

Carus*

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