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Should I break up with him?


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Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years. Hes sweet and dorky we have a lot in common but I feel our relationship is monotonous there's no romance/spark. We've always bickered quite frequently over really stupid things. When we fight he acts a certain way I cant quite describe, it really makes me angry but I also feel like Im overreacting that my actions are stupid. Ive honestly never felt attracted to him physically, hes cute but I guess not really my type. I dont want intimacy from him, it almost feels like a chore. Hugs and kisses are meh. I feel like were roomates or friends that go threw the motions i love him I honestly do, but I dont think I m in love. Ive thought on and off for years that I should break up with him. But I always play it off that Im overthinking that Im being selfish. And I feel bad because hes a great guy we all have our flaws and I am nowhere near perfect, but maybe hes just not the right one for me, were better as friends? But here's the thing when I think about breaking up it kinda makes me sad and my anxiety acts up. But when I think about it I also look at what opportunities I may have that i could maybe find someone that checks all the boxes. And that makes me kinda excited. And while I feel a heaviness in my heart I feel after awhile Id be ok i see all the signs but feel like its me and Im an idiot. But I also feel like breaking up is kinda right and how we are, isnt fair to either of us. But also feel breaking up isn't fair to him?

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Yes....... break up.


You never felt physically attracted to him....that says it all. Do him and yourself a favour. You say you "feel breaking up isn't fair to him"........so you think it's fair for him to have a girlfriend who isn't attracted to him?


The only reason you're not breaking up is because you're in your comfort zone and don't know what the future holds.....here's a tip: life begins just outside your comfort zone.


Be courageous and do what you know has to be done. Good luck.

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He may be able to find a roommate or vice versa if he is the one that moves out. Can either one of you shoulder the lease on your own or is it out of your budget/s?


Your initial post sounds very unkind but I'm just chalking it up to sadness and frustration. Sorry you're going through this. I don't think those feelings and thoughts are normal for a happy relationship and it's better to end things kindly with him. He may be shocked and very hurt that you've felt this way for a long time. You don't want to destroy someone when you break up with them by telling them everything you've felt or done has been a sham. Be honest with him that you don't feel that you're fulfilled in this relationship and you don't see a future with him, thank each other for all the experiences and the relationship. Move forwards and work out the living situation fairly. Try not to leave anyone in the lurch or on the hook alone for shared financial obligations.

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How old are you? Some women are not ready to love until they are 26 - 27.


But you may have loved him in the beginning? You were having sex and kissing him in the beginning, right?


Perhaps then the love can be rebuilt, if it's not too far gone.


Counseling is one avenue - perhaps the counselor can discover what's missing from your relationship.


But since I'm here, Gary Hollywood Snyder, are any of these things missing from your relationship? Affection, romance, respect, or trust?

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Yes, leave the relationship, it's all a waste of yours and his time.


Act like adults, talk to him, you may find a solution together for the lease, I know, moving sucks but seriously the way you describe this relationship sounds like its been dead for a while, why prolong the inevitable

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I definitely dont mean to come off as crude. My thoughts are kinda everywhere. I would never just leave. I do care for him...but not in the way I once did. Those are the options I came up with too.


It's better to come up with a few options together and be honest with him. How do you think he'll react at first? Is he the explosive/rude type when faced with changes or is he more slow to react and more patient?

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Ive honestly never felt attracted to him physically, hes cute but I guess not really my type. I dont want intimacy from him,


You're not just wasting your own time, you're wasting his. The world is filled with millions of fabulous people who are NOT a good match for us. That's not cynical, it's just natural odds. It makes no sense to latch onto a wrong match in the hope that they will someday renovate themselves into a good one.


This doesn't mean the guy isn't 'good,' it just means you're not good for one another.

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