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My ex is giving me mixed signals, what should I do?

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I’d like to start off by apologizing for the length of this post and thanking anyone who actually takes the time to read it. There are just a lot of small details regarding my ex’s actions that I need help deciphering. So almost two year ago during my junior year of high school, I met this girl who was a year older than me and we started dating that summer about two months or so after we met. She was my first girlfriend, and we dated for about three months. Everything was going great until she decided to call it off because she had to leave for college, which broke my heart because it was the first time I fell in love and I wasn’t ready to let go. The relationship didn’t end too well because I didn’t know how to handle my emotions, and in retrospect, that is probably what made it so hard for both of us. I was also a little confused as to why she was so adamant about splitting because the school she was going to was only two hours away (not saying that’s not far, but I know couples who have maintained relationships over much further distances). Despite this, I tried to get a grip on myself, and after a few long talks over text and in person, I tried to be as respectful of her decision as possible. In one of those talks, she suggested that maybe we could get back together the following summer, which made me very hopeful. I had a great senior year and made lots of good memories, though the whole time, lingering in the back realm of my mind, it felt like something was missing. I even started seeing another girl about halfway through the year, which was overall a healthier relationship because I knew what I was doing this time, but it didn’t feel the same as when I was with her. I stuck to the rule of no contact as to not seem desperate, but she contacted me a few times throughout the year (on my birthday, Christmas, my graduation), which sort of led me to believe that she was holding on. Also, she hadn’t started to see any new guys, which also reinforced that thought.


I ended up going to the same university has her the following fall, because most of my friends were also going there and I thought that maybe so could be with her again. About two months into the semester, she reached out and asked if I’d want to catch up, which made me extremely happy, and I obliged. We went out and spent four or five hours together (she skipped a class to stay with me), so I really thought she was still into me. She asked about my previous relationship, which made me think she was testing the waters or something, and after I told her about, she seemed, albeit slightly, jealous. She then mentioned some guy she met at a job in New York over the summer (They didn’t get together or anything, plus he lives in another country, so I thought she might be trying to get a reaction out of me for reassurance). After this, I started contacting her more often, but she would take hours or even days to reply to my messages, otherwise she’d read it and not reply (sometimes even if my message was a question), which made me fell confused. The first few times I just brushed it off (I didn’t want to read into it too far) but when it continued to happen, I thought that maybe I was bothering her. The other couple of times I managed to get her to go out with me, she seemed sort of distant. The last time I asked her if she’d want to get together, she agreed but never followed through. When I texted her to set up a date, she left me on read. My emotions at this point were unbearable, so I impulsively deleted her of all social media because I figured if this wasn’t a hint that she wanted nothing to do with me, then I don’t know what would be. Three weeks later, she sent a very bubbly text wishing me happy birthday (she addressed me by name; a very minute detail, but I found it interesting because it seemed personalized and was unnecessary), which made me angry because that meant that she saw my proposal for a date and just ignored it.


I didn’t answer, and then decided not to say anything in her birthday because my feelings were hurt. A couple weeks after all of that, I noticed that she unfollowed me on social media. I saw her on my way to a class (both semesters, we would see each other on the way to one of our classes and would say hi) and she pretended like I was just a stranger, which hurt a lot. We haven’t talked since, and I haven’t been seeing her on my way to class anymore, which makes me wonder if she’s deliberately avoiding me now. I can’t say I love her, because I really don’t know her all that well anymore, as there is so much of her life that I have missed these past two years. I do know that I still feel the same way about her as I did when I first met her though. I don’t know what to do and I feel lost, unhappy, and not myself anymore. I want so bad to text her, but I know she probably won’t reply, and I know I probably won’t see her around campus anymore, so I can’t pull her aside to tell her what’s on my mind. After running all of this through my head, my real question is why haven’t I been able to get over her? I only dated her for three months and two year later, here I am hung up on the same girl who isn’t even respectful to me ore my time. I tried to get over it, but I just can’t. I never told her how I really felt about her because I thought it would have been too early into the relationship, which could be the reason why it’s been so hard to let go, but now I’m regretting that. I feel like my friends are tired of hearing about it too, so I don’t really have anyone to talk about this with. Anyways, that’s all of the surface details of my problem, I didn’t want to get too into it, as if this isn’t already. I appreciate any replies and advice.

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Seems to me that you're having a difficult time getting over her because you're just not giving yourself a chance. You hung onto the idea of getting back together the following summer a year ago. I'm glad you decided to meet someone new but looks like that didn't come of anything. Let this go for good. Changes don't just happen because people let them happen. Sometimes you have to change yourself and allow those changes to happen for good. Be a bit more adamant or proactive that you'd like to move to the next chapter of your life. Youth sometimes causes us to stall because we just don't know any better. I know I didn't know back then what to do or how to feel. Don't feel guilty for moving on. There's more to life than just this.

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