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final days for a cat named blue


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Hi guys,


I took my cat to the vet this morning pretty certain what the prognosis would be: that Blue, after 16 years by my side, and probably something like 18 or 19 on the planet, has reached the end of her time.


She's been drifting in this direction for a while now, over the past month it escalated, and here we are. She's on some fluids that will give her a decent day or two—and me some time to just love her without worrying—but all that could be done has been done.


I've always respected that this is part of the deal of pet companionship, a hard reality that should be honored. The last few weeks, as she's really declined, have been surprisingly sweet. She's weak, vulnerable, but still graceful. I've had to be there for her in some new ways. And she's been there for me back, in new ways as well. Softer in spirit, more surrendering. Some of that has rubbed off on me, I think. I'm grateful.


She adopted me 16 years ago, stopping me on the streets of Brooklyn when I was a 23-year-old punk heading out to get a beer. I didn't even like cats, but I liked her vibe, let her into my house. I've lived a lot of life since then, in a lot of places, and she's been there, seeing me right to the doorstep of 40 and all the way to the other side of the country. I like that she had some time in California. I can't explain why, but it feels like the right place for her to bow out. The golden light, and so on.


I'm writing about a cat on an internet forum—talk about a chapter in my life I didn't see coming, and one I certainly realize is awfully minuscule in the scheme of global order, to say nothing of what others are reckoning with on here.


But it doesn't feel so tiny to me, not this second. I'm new to California myself, with my deepest friends far away, so it's a pretty solitary moment. And you guys are just great, I've loved finding this nook of the web—and, well, I didn't pull the name Bluecastle out of a hat.


She was purring in my lap when I created an account, while I was questioning the walls of my own castle, so I suppose it seems right to share this with you as I feel some feelings.


Thanks for listening.



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One of my two cats had what was thought to be an abscessed tooth when in actuality it was cancer of the jaw. I had to decide right then and there whether to take her home and make her comfortable or euthanize her.

She was 13, I wasn't prepared to I let her go, but I did.


I face her lost little buddy everyday who has never been the same since she lost her partner.


Don't underestimate the grief of losing a pet. How can you not when they love you so unconditionally?

You gave her a good home. It's just such a shame we don't get to keep them longer.


Hugs to you and Blue.

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Oh, dear bluecastle, how very sorry I am to hear of the loss of your precious little fur baby. I know how saddened and heartbroken you must feel. It's so hard to say goodbye to such a special companion. I, too, had to put down my sweet kitty, Freya, about 5 years ago due to stomach cancer. We had her for only 3 years. Every morning she would awaken me (at 5:00 am, no less!) and she would put her little head next to my neck and purr. She would constantly sit on my lap. What a darling little girl she was.


My older son has two kitties - his beloved black kitty who will be 16 years old in June and a little Maine Coon male who found us on 911. I dread the day when his older kitty reaches the end of his time. He's had him since he was 8 weeks old. I adopted two kittens last year and they are adorable and so busy. Hopefully, they'll calm down.


Like Sarah said, Blue was lucky to have had you in his life, and vice versa. Sending you hugs and some to Blue too. xx


BTW, I used to live in Brooklyn, NY years ago.

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I'm so sorry to hear this.


I love the story about how she adopted you. She decided, yup, this is my person, I'm sticking with him. And 16 years of sharing adventures and unconditional love - such a beautiful thing for both of you.

I also loved how you captured the sweetness and gentleness of this time with her now. She knows she's home, right where she wants to be, adored and loved.


Will be thinking of you both.

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I'm very sorry for your soon to be loss, bluecastle. I just lost my 14 year old Golden Retriever 3 months ago and I'm still taking it really hard. I raised "man's best friend" ever since she was a puppy.


I took her for an evening walk just as I had for 14 years and when we came home, she suddenly collapsed on the floor. She had to be carried to the car and we rushed her to the vet. The vet said she had a ruptured tumor on her liver which caused internal bleeding (hemorrhage). Her prognosis was hemangiosarcoma.


I was never a dog person because I grew up with backyard dogs during my childhood. My Golden girl changed my life and I became a complete dog person overnight!


I know how you feel and can relate. This fur baby is such a constant in your life with your daily routine and when you realize that suddenly her presence will be no more, it throws you off mentally. After she passes, you'll really be off kilter but know that time will heal your wounds. Pain will always be there; it's just your tears will become less.


I'm sorry for your pain and the intense pain and miserable depression you will feel after you say your final goodbye to Blue. Please know I feel for you and can relate. I'm terribly sorry. :icon_sad:

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Just want to thank everyone for the kind thoughts.


I said goodbye to Blue a little bit ago. There have been a lot of tears, and no doubt there will be more, waves of feelings I can't predict but that are part of the pact of pet companionship. I'll feel them all, in tribute to her and our time together.


It was the right thing, at the right time. She let me know that.


To say this cat was unique—and that our little man-and-cat life together was unique—is an understatement. For those of you cat and animal lovers—and, yeah, for myself, my heart, and my healing—I'll share some fun stuff.


Days after I let her into my home? She surprised me—self-absorbed, rebel-on-his-own-island me—by having 5 kittens, which I helped her raise for two months and found homes for. One of the biggest romances of my life began with the most ridiculous line a cocky, artsy 23-year-old New Yorker has ever been lucky enough to utter in total sincerity: "Hey, I have these kittens that haven't opened their eyes yet if you'd like to come by and see..."


We were together for 3 years, and have been best friends for 13. She and her partner are lighting a little candle for my cat as I write this sentence, 3,000 miles away. So, life!


Blue was all about that.


Like me, she loved to travel. No need for the carrier in the car—Blue just rode shotgun. She rode with me on my motorcycle, happily. She loved planes. She lived in three of the most extraordinary cities on the planet, crossed the United States twice. She seduced train-hoppers in Detroit, hipsters in Brooklyn, wine snobs in Napa, techies in Seattle, off-the-grid freaks in West Texas, musicians in New Orleans, and, if I may brag on her behalf, two celebrities.


She was 80 percent love and heart, 10 percent sass, 10 percent aloof enigma in a way that could frustrate. More than one ex-girlfriend said we were similar. And by "more than one" I mean every girlfriend I've had.


She has seen me in love, lonely, and heartbroken, a few times over. She has seen me chase a wild, moonshot of a career that just about everyone says is a career for pipe dreamers but somehow provided food and shelter for us both. She has seen me trying, not always gracefully, with plenty of missteps, but always steps forward, to be the best man I can be. She really did see me grow up as an adult, and helped.


To say she taught me a thing or two about love and kindness is not hyperbole. She was a professor on those fronts, giving lessons from the sunny spots on the wooden floor.


Just letting her into my life has been one of those forever reminders that it's best to stay open, to keep making space to welcome surprise into our lives, which is something I try to write about here.


She was tiny, never weighing more than 8 pounds. But she was a titan.


So do me a favor, anyone reading this, and give someone or some furry thing a kiss today. I'd like that. Blue would like that.

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bluecastle, You gave Blue a GREAT life for 16 years. It's a long life for a cat even though as humans we feel as if our fur babies only live on borrowed time. She crossed the Rainbow Bridge. You will meet her again someday.


I believe I'll meet my late 14 year old Golden Retriever girl in heaven someday.


Cherish your memories with Blue because she would want that. She did her job on this Earth by teaching you selflessness and empathy which are beautiful traits she imparted to you, bluecastle. I'm sorry for your sorrow and void in your life. No one can ever take Blue's place in your heart.


Hang in there.

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