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when I found out that they are going home for Christmas to see their families together. He, again, kept it from me but I figured enough. I felt betrayed and lied to all over again. I was angry at him for not being able to tell me the truth about them. He would still insist that they are not getting back together. We did not speak for the 3 and a half weeks they were there and it was the lowest point of my life. That was when I felt the real feeling of loss as if he had died. I felt empty and cried almost every night. I tried so hard not to text him during that time but he did during Christmas. Leading up to his return, I was slowly feeling better and have accepted that I can never have the answers to the many questions in my head. I was determined not to speak with him ever again.

 

Then the day he comes back, he almost begged for another chance to meet. He wanted to explain in person. I stupidly gave him another chance to. In fairness, he did explain but still did not admit anything about his and his wife's status. He said they flew there togethe but only spend Christmas together, the rest of the days they were in each others' families. He would still deny they were working things out and would only tell me that he owes it to their families (who were nothing but nice to him despite his mistakes) that he ensures a "smooth transition". I respected that and kept my distance.

 

For another few months until recently, he would still send me sweet texts and when we would bump into each other at work, he would come to me acting cute and would hug / kiss / look at me with love. But we knew better to go back to the loop so it was clearer it was just that, a hug / kiss / look. So we spoke again last week to finally put serious boundaries in place because we need to stop this stupidity and completely let each other go. And we said our goodbyes.

 

Few days later, I find out unintentionally that they are travelling together to a country we always wanted to see together. It broke my heart all over again more than angered me. How could he say they are not working things out but now spending 2 weeks in a romantic place (which was significant to the both of us) together? I confronted him once more. Initially he denied it but I told him I know for sure they are together until finally he admitted it. I asked him multiple times if they are getting back together, and if he could just tell me the truth so I can finally find peace and move forward. I told him that of course, deep inside I would be happy for them but asked him to at least do this for me, to tell me in my face and then resign once he is back from his trip (which he said he was going to do anyway since he has been unhappy at work). But until then, he told me they are going as friends and there is no romance there. I told him I was smarter than that and if he refuses to be honest then the least he can do is to respect my boundaries and just leave me alone, for good. I even gave him advice to stop being selfish and also regard his wife's feelings. Poor woman, until now she does not know the lies he has told and keep telling her. She thinks we have broken up the day she left their house. We ended our "final" talk calmly and said goodbye. He cried again and thanked me for that talk. We wished each other well and that is it. They fly out in 2 days.

 

I am writing to you to ask for advice on how to move forward and maybe to find more clarity on what has happened to us. I have multiple questions in my head, lots of doubts that he was ever true to me at least about his feelings or if he is just a liar and a cheat. Sometimes I feel angry and have a stupid thought of texting the wife, apologizing and warning her about his lies. But then, at the end of the day, I know I am not like that and it is best to just let them be and move forward. But, it hurts so much. I feel used, defeated, sad, hurt, etc. etc. I hope to read some advice and encouragements. Especially that the next two weeks would be the worst I would have to face..

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I think his actions and words have hurt you as has their situation and you are a genuinely caring person. You shouldn't hold on to any ideas you have of your relationship or friendship because their relationship/marriage wasn't over to begin with. It was wrong of him to ever lead you on. If you value yourself (emphasis on yourself), let them both go.

 

I wouldn't approach his wife. Just stay respectful and don't get involved. Even though you have the power to, it doesn't mean it's your place to do so. I'm glad you're not leaning that way. Just take all of this as a lesson learned.

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Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. I know I have to go through the pain all over again and just embrace it. I am trying to fill up my schedule the next weeks and surround myself with family and friends. I booked a therapy session too.

 

A part of me hates the fact that he is getting away with it. But you are right, I have to respect and love myself and just let them be.

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I know, I should have :( he was my colleague so I couldn't technically go cold turkey but I tried my best to avoid. But he would always try something to get me back. I stupidly believed in him too much that he was deep inside a good person so I couldn't help but care. But that is enough. I know I have to block him out my life from now on.

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I know, I should have :( he was my colleague so I couldn't technically go cold turkey but I tried my best to avoid. But he would always try something to get me back. I stupidly believed in him too much that he was deep inside a good person so I couldn't help but care. But that is enough. I know I have to block him out my life from now on.

 

Good for you. Give yourself some time to heal. Enjoy friends and family, and learn from this experience.

 

Is he still married?

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Yes he is still married. He kept twlling me that he just told everyone including the wife that he would make it work just to please their family. He did not expect that she would neither say no nor yes. He kept telling me he can no longer go back on his lies so he just needs to ensure a smooth transition.

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Ok delete and block him and all his people from all your messaging apps and social media. At work be polite professional and avoid him otherwise. Get on some dating apps and start messaging local single men who you do not work with and start meeting up for a low key coffee. Forget this guy, the relationship was a lie, as most affairs are. However you learned a lot about how to spot and avoid this next time. Good luck.

Yes he is still married.
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You are right but I know I would find it difficult to start dating already.

 

I think that is what makes it difficult, a part of me still believes that he really did love me and he is just simply lost. A thought I keep telling myself as well to help me move forward is that at least he is off my hands and I am now not forced to be with anyone who is a liar and a cheat.

 

Now, I just need to get through the next weeks. And maybe try not to focus on what might be happening during their trip. If he also tries to talk to me again after (which he always used to do), I need to be strong enough to ignore him.

 

Also, would it be right for me to demand that he leaves the company? This is if he decided all of a sudden to stay. I think he owes me that and any way he always wanted to leave since he has been unhappy at work.

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Hand in your resignation if you feel that uncomfortable. He owes you nothing, despite your regret and anger. Sadly you dated a married coworker. That rarely ends well so all you can do is get though it until you find other work and start dating single men you do not work with.

would it be right for me to demand that he leaves the company?
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