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I am confused and heart broken


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So i moved to a new city and met this guy in September 2018, we just clicked !

I just got out of a long relationship( me and my ex just split amicably since we saw no future- we wanted different things in life) so i was not really sure about this guy. He also came out of a long relationship. Things were fun in the beginning we just wanted to be together and really enjoyed spending time together, however i wasn't really sure about him (there were things about him i found annoying) anyways i wanted to trust him since he made me happy. Unfortunately every time things went wrong i decided to leave (things were not even official between us) and it seemed like he was too eager and needy and wanted to be in arelationship super quick and saying he loves me. But then again he had his baggage from his previous relationship that he was dealing with. We had another major fight when he disrespected me and was super mean but i stuck along, i went to the airport to drop him off (he was going home to france to visit family) and even picked him up (so he wont feel lonely after being back). We officially started dating in January 2019 but then he said he wanted to go see a game with this girl who he had a crush when he was already dating his ex - just to see if he had a shot with her (i was super angry but i wanted to play it cool) turns out he was turned down by her and after this we really went exclusive, things were really awesome and we spent valentine's day together, it seemed like we really loved each other so we went ahead and told our family and friends. By march we were apartment hunting with plans of moving in together in July. However sometime in early march, i was bored after work and kept texting him that i missed him (again im not the kind of person who says things like this often its usually him who would be more vocal with i love you and i miss you) for some reason he found it annoying as if i was smothering him- honestly that pissed me off since this was one of the rare times i usually tell him anything and that escalated into a huge fight where i ended up hurting myself. After this he started being weird and distant then came my birthday, earlier he made extravagant plans and also proposed to do things after the fight but for some reason he did nothing and he actually broke up with me on my birthday.


I pleaded and begged him for a day or two, it dint seem like he was gonna change his decision so i went No contact, with in a week he texted me asking if i was over him and how women who break up with him are usually happier post-breakup. I decided not to respond but i could not control myself so we got in touch and decided to give it a shot. we had other arguments going on but we decided to see if we continued to make each other happy (honestly it was hell for me- the fact that for some reason it seemed like he had the power to end it whenever he wanted) i wanted to be perseverant cause by then i really loved him and wanted to change for him and be more understanding. I then went on a trip to visit friends ( this was planned coz i wanted to go see friends during my NC since he already broke up with me) things were going really well and it seemed like we both are making efforts, however sometime during the trip i texted him that i missed him since i was drunk and that kinda blew things off again- When i got back he told me he wasnt really honest with me and he did not really miss me and he was thinking about someone else ( i dont believe this, but then im not sure it seemed like he was flirting with someone over texts on my birthday)


I am just heart broken and confused.I am again NC its my 3 rd day, I cant stop thinking about him, I really fell for him and I am not sure what to do?

I am pretty sure he knew i was very smart and all the good stuff and i really did my best to be more accommodating. I was never dumped before and this is hurting my ego and self-confidence.


I still want him back :(

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We officially started dating in January 2019 but then he said he wanted to go see a game with this girl who he had a crush when he was already dating his ex - just to see if he had a shot with her (i was super angry but i wanted to play it cool) turns out he was turned down by her and after this we really went exclusive


Girl, this was your cue to drop this guy.


Why on earth did you want to play it cool? There is playing it cool and then there's having neither the boundaries nor the self-esteem to say "oh, hale no" when they guy you're dating goes on a date with another girl...and then bounces back to you as his Plan B when she shoots him down. That was your confirmation that he wasn't that into you.


This was not a relationship that was going to last. You were his place-filler while he got over his ex and looked for her replacement. I'm sorry this happened; next time, listen to your gut. It was trying to warn you that this dude wasn't the right one for you.

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Who goes apartment hunting in March when only wanting an apartment in July???

Do you tell real estate to hold the apartment for 4 months because you want to live there eventually?

And expect the owners to miss out on 4 months rent based on 2 people that aren’t even in a committed relationship but rather deluding each other on some fantasy?


He hasn’t really done anything wrong by you.

You have wronged yourself. And he has wronged himself.


I believe you are not actually grieving him but finally grieving your ex and vice versa.

You both used each other to divert your feelings and ignore your grief.


Time you both admit that to each other , part ways and become comfortably single before attempting to date anyone again.


Have you made good connections in this new city or did you just run away and find someone to temporarily fill a gap in your life?


Be honest with yourself and why or who has broken your heart.

It wasn’t this guy.

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I moved here to start grad school. it was almost a year n half since i broke up with my ex. The apartments here usually start on a lease in July of a certain year.


You said in sept 2018 you had just got out of a long term relationship. ??


Leases start in July? That’s fine. So start looking in June?

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Me and my actual ex we ended it amicably in 2016 and now we are really good friends - none of us want more than just being friends, we just wanna remain friends since we were together for 7 years. This October 2018 i took a leap of faith and thought i am ready for something new and this happened ... I'm very shocked and sad at the point, its gonna be hard for me to try again next time.

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He sounds like a jerk, Tregs. Let the initial sting wear off over a week or two and revisit this with a clearer mind. Look more closely at the way he treated you during your time together. Be kind to yourself. If it really was worth it and this relationship was good for you, you'd never have been reduced to tears the way you have been so far. This just ain't it.

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Day 6 and I am keeping myself busy and hanging out with friends i still think about him, but i think i deserve better. i wont be going back to dating soon. I will take time to heal and learn from this experience :)

ugh why do i miss him :(

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