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It's time to move on...but it's hard


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HI

 

About 9 months ago my 4 years old marriage has ended . We've been together 5 years before that , so 9 years all together. In although it's a very long time to heal I'm still struggling. We maintained to be friends due to having 3 year old boy together , until now . My Ex had a few GF's in a mean time , GF's he treated muuuuch better than me , GF's he would do things for, that he would not do for me. Every time he had a new GF he was becoming very cold and we argued a lot because of the way he would treat me ...but then after few weeks everything would go back to normal and we would be friends again. I was always there for him, no matter what....putting my new relationship at risk . He tried to come back to me few times , first time I've agreed to but after one day he decided he wants to go back to the girl he just broke up with . Second time after few months I had a doubt of going back to him even that I was in relationship then ( my current BF knew about this doubt ) but I think it was mostly for our little boy and the familiar feeling . And maybe because I Was afraid he will go back to the previous girl again I said no. We've managed to be friends until about 2 weeks ago when he again met a new GF and decided to cut almost all contact apart from regarding the care of our son. It hurts like hell because he promised me and my little boy few things which he didn't do as how he told me ... that would bring a risk to his new relationship. It hurts like hell because as a friend I was always there for him ... against my relationship. He could not be even respectful enough to finish what he promised .

You all will probably read this and think I must be mad ... I probably am because I do have very loving boyfriend right now , who really understands what im going through but this situation still makes me sad / angry . I'm hurt because I was trying to be fair and I never broke given promise , but I was thrown out like a old not needed toy ....

Today is my first day when I've managed not to contact him about anything ...normally we would contact every day since the break up. Me more recently thank him as he become very ignorant. It's really really hard , and the feeling of being thrown out it's depressing me . I used to be very happy person , now every day feels like blaaah.

I've decided to write here to let my emotions out .. or maybe someone was in the same situation ?

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You're grieving this failed marriage heavily which is understandable, but you're doing it through the use of a relationship to help you get by which is dangerous because it's not real work. The real work involves self-reflection which unfortunately will remove you from your current relationship and place you square in front of the mirror. Don't feel bad. I self-reflect often (even when I'm right). My life is committed to not living a broken record -- I refuse to a be victim of my history. My suggestion is for you to take the proper time to heal from your divorce and dedicate the extra time to your son. There will be room in your life to date later on. By then, you'll feel a ton better and hopefully be healed to fully give yourself to someone. Good luck.

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It's not healthy for your little boy to be exposed to numerous new partners between you and his dad. It's also confusing for him when you numerously split and get back together. It sounds like you get very bitter and resentful everytime he has a new girlfriend. It doesn't sound like you are bothered about your current bf so you should let him go. It's not fair to use someone as your emotional crutch.

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Sorry to hear this. Do not attempt to be friends or get involved in each other's personal lives. Attempt to co-parent effectively and only communicate regarding your child, visitation/custody and child support. It doesn't matter how he treats anyone except your child. There is nothing to argue about. The solution is stop depending on him as "your friend", he is your child's father. That's it.

 

Start rebuilding your life with your own family, friends, interests, career, endeavors, etc. Reset all your social media and delete and block him and all his people. Start therapy to help you navigate all this and sort it all out. Focus on a self improvement plan and being a single woman again. get in shape, get new clothes hair etc. take course classes, join group and clubs. Keep busy and focus only on yourself and your child.

My Ex had a few GF's in a mean time , GF's he treated muuuuch better than me , GF's he would do things for, that he would not do for me. Every time he had a new GF he was becoming very cold and we argued a lot because of the way he would treat me
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We promised to be friends for sake of Jake ( our boy ) . But I guess it's never going to work .... Luckily my X didn't expose him to many of his partners because we had rule about it. Unfortunately I have no longer any control over that and just hoping he won't introduce him to every girl he knows .

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Thank you ALL for your support . I'm starting to hope there is a light in the end of the tunnel :icon_sad:

Did anyone ever been friends with their X ? Is that even possible ?

 

 

If a split was amicable and civil then there is no reason why ex's cant get along as friends. If there is allot and animosity and resent then it's best to stay away from each other.

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In my opinion, it is possible to be friends again to a certain degree. Long story short, I am going thru a similar situation. I get to be friends with my cheating former spouse for the sake of our kid... She left me and our child and moved in with him.

At the begging, It was so hard to even talk to her. I even begged her to come back once (i know it is pathetic). However, after a few months of therapy, soul searching, and a lot of willpower. I managed to establish a peaceful arrangement with her. It is still far from perfect. She has asked me at least once if I'll be willing to try again! Now, I try to avoid any conversations about our "good times" together when she tries to bring it up, or anything that has to do with "us" It is an uphill battle... Just try to remind yourself that this is your parental partner and NOTHING else and you have be friends with him/her because of the better good. Also, never forget that you are an amazing human being and that you deserved better. Hope this helps.

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