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Is he into me?


Misfit21
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I’m a 30 year old gay guy and there’s a guy at my workplace who I find very attractive. He’s honestly just the cutest. Let’s call him Mike. Mike just joined our department and is about 20, so he’s pretty young. I haven’t had a chance to talk to him, since we don’t work on the same team.

 

I’m a very visual guy so I tend to look at things I like lol. I see Mike around the office a lot and I make eye contact with him and he looks back.

 

There are times where we’re holding eye contact for 2-3 seconds at a time, and other times I see him and he’s consciously avoiding eye contact with me. When this happens I leave him alone and avoid eye contact as well. Then I’d be passing him again but ignoring him and I’ll look up to see him looking into my eyes again.

 

I heard he has a gf so I don’t wanna cross a line. But I do see I’m holding his gaze with me whenever we’re close to each other. It honestly gives me butterflies and makes my heart race.

 

I don’t stare at him all the time btw— I’m not creepy. But does he like me or should I just leave it alone?

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Well...really all you have to go on is that you two lock eyes sometimes. He can't really be "into" you yet as he doesn't really know you. He certainly can find you attractive, and maybe he does.

 

If he does have a GF though, it could only get messy from here. I don't think it would hurt to say hello and engage in chit-chat -providing you can keep your new friendship platonic. Seriously because the fact that he's taken and is also your co-worker could cause some problems you don't need. I believe that you aren't creepy. lol! But yeah I would just leave it alone. So, he's something cute to look at while you're at work. I'd leave well enough alone. jmo :)

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I heard he has a gf so I don’t wanna cross a line.
If you don't want to "cross a line" why on earth are you even asking this question:
does he like me or should I just leave it alone?

 

Uhm... even if he does like you, clearly you should leave it alone because he has a g/f. 0.o

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Leave it alone. He has a gf. Cruise on someone outside of the office and that you know is gay. This is so inappropriate.

First off, I’m not cruising. Cruising means looking for sex in public places and that absolutely NOT what I’m doing.

 

I did say that I leave him along if he stops looking. So it’s never like he’s minding his business and I’m staring from across the room. Not sure why you think it’s inappropriate either.

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Well...really all you have to go on is that you two lock eyes sometimes. He can't really be "into" you yet as he doesn't really know you. He certainly can find you attractive, and maybe he does.

 

If he does have a GF though, it could only get messy from here. I don't think it would hurt to say hello and engage in chit-chat -providing you can keep your new friendship platonic. Seriously because the fact that he's taken and is also your co-worker could cause some problems you don't need. I believe that you aren't creepy. lol! But yeah I would just leave it alone. So, he's something cute to look at while you're at work. I'd leave well enough alone. jmo :)

 

Thanks for your response. Yeah, I’m gonna leave it alone. Probably won’t chit chat with him since I like him too much and it won’t help my situation hahah. Plus, if he has a gf I’d hate to make a fool of myself

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First off, I’m not cruising. I did say that I leave him along if he stops looking. So it’s never like he’s minding his business and I’m staring from across the room. Not sure why you think it’s inappropriate either.

 

You asked if he was into you. You continue to stare at him to see if he is interested. He has a gf.

 

You are trying to flip this, as I called you on your actions.

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You asked if he was into you. You continue to stare at him to see if he is interested. He has a gf.

 

You are trying to flip this, as I called you on your actions.

 

I came here for advice, not to be attacked by you. I continue to start at him because he continues to stare at me! Or did you miss that part when you were forming your own interpretation of our interaction?

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He's probably just trying to figure out why you are staring him down.

 

1. He has a gf.

 

2. Don't date coworkers.

 

So I’m sitting at my desk minding my own business and I look up to catch him staring at me as he walks by... but he’s just trying to figure out why I’m staring? Doesn’t make sense.

 

Thank being said I’ll just get it out of my mind going forward- that seems to be the general consensus

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I came here for advice, not to be attacked by you. I continue to start at him because he continues to stare at me! Or did you miss that part when you were forming your own interpretation of our interaction?

 

Nothing that Holly said was attacking you. If you know he has a girlfriend, what's the point of looking at him to see if he's looking at you? Why don't you just ignore him? Or break the ice and introduce yourself so there won't be so much of a mystery? Maybe he's looking at you because you remind him of someone.

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Nothing that Holly said was attacking you. If you know he has a girlfriend, what's the point of looking at him to see if he's looking at you? Why don't you just ignore him? Or break the ice and introduce yourself so there won't be so much of a mystery? Maybe he's looking at you because you remind him of someone.

 

The reason I found it as an attractive is because she told me I was being inappropriate and that I was cruising, which is not accurate.

 

Also, people in relationships break up and date other people all the time, so the idea that it’s so inappropriate to look at a guy who may be in a relationship is confusing to me. But I understand where everyone is coming from and I appreciate the honesty.

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So I’m sitting at my desk minding my own business and I look up to catch him staring at me as he walks by... but he’s just trying to figure out why I’m staring? Doesn’t make sense.

 

Thank being said I’ll just get it out of my mind going forward- that seems to be the general consensus

 

Often, our own minds try to make something out of nothing if that is what we want to be true. You think he is attractive, I will guarantee you are over-reading into it.

 

In the end, it doesn't matter if you are or not. You are crossing boundaries that shouldn't be crossed all over lust.

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Yeah, I think there is too much risk in this situation. He's a coworker (risky) and he has a girlfriend (inappropriate). He may not swing that way, too (very risky to assume).

 

Many years ago, I was sitting at this station and a man accused me of checking out another woman (I'm a hetero woman). I'm regularly sleep deprived and sometimes my eyes just unconsciously follow things that move, so I'm sure it looked like it from his perspective but nothing was registering in my brain about the woman in question.

 

My point is that you just don't know why he's staring if he is--he may even notice that you're looking at him and trying to piece it together in is brain. Or he could just be thinking about something else absentmindedly. Or he could be bi or in the closet and have an attraction, but that's not safe or appropriate to assume in this situation.

 

I'd relegate him to fantasies and try not to read too much into any of it.

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I think it's a major case of wishful thinking. Of course the guy looks at you because you keep looking at HIM. He's probably wondering what on earth this guy is doing and why he keeps looking at him. Maybe he's getting uncomfortable. Whatever.

 

The key here is this: He has a girlfriend. You say you are gay. I'm no expert, but my understanding is that usually, men who have girlfriends are NOT into gay guys. Then, the very fact that he has a girlfriend should be your cue to back off and lose interest. Stop with all the eye contact and walking past his desk (or whatever). You have no business there. He's taken.

Find someone else, someone who IS gay and single.

 

So, to answer your question: ... "should I just leave it alone?" - YES. You should leave it alone.

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Generally people maintain eye contact for two reasons. Attraction, or hostility. He may think you're staring him down, and he's walking away thinking 'dafuq is that dude staring me down for?'.

 

Unfortunately the only way to determine if he's attracted is to make a move. For reasons others mentioned, this would be a bad move.

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I know I generally don't stare and I definitely don't stare when I'm attracted to someone. It's rude, in my mind, and the lack of subtlety is not my cup of tea (major turn off). I've also been told my stares are frightening or unnerving (especially by men) even in serious conversations so I try not to stare at anyone so as not to give the wrong impression or I meter out my tone and eye contact during a conversation so as not to intimidate anyone. I really don't want that effect on anyone at all.

 

If you seem like you'd get along with someone at the workplace, just talk to them here and there casually. If he is in a relationship, anything flirtatious is off limits. I'm not a fan of dating in the workplace either. I hope things aren't so awkward for you though. You deserve to work in a comfortable environment.

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