cutealien8 Posted April 8, 2019 Share Posted April 8, 2019 Some backing information to know is my boyfriend is 23 and I am 21F. He is a recovering meth addict and has no car or job. He also has a 2-year old daughter. I have known him since I was 12 and we have always had a thing but have been in a relationship for 9 months. This is a person I love and care deeply for as well as his daughter. He tells me he loves me and wants to marry me often and that has sort of just been the plan I guess. I anticipate this will be a long post. Past issues have been him cheating on me or just being disloyal in general to me, lying about drug use, getting overtly angry, insulting me, and always number one; accusing me of things I have not done. He has admitted before that he has anger issues and is the type of guy to punch walls and stuff. Most of the time I have to bite my tongue when he's being disrespectful because if I say how I feel and it doesn't benefit his story, he blows up and tells me I'm manipulating everything. This has resulted in a few very bad fights, the worst time being him standing over me screaming in my face how ed up I am for not doing something perfectly the way he wanted me to and I put my hands on his chest and pushed him away. He got in my face again and started smiling saying it's all my fault for "ing" and now he can call the police on me, etc. He spits in my face and threw my stuff yards away outside, screaming violently. When I called my mom crying and asking her what to do, I told her that he says I am ing about this and that is why he has done these things. He hears me say this and screams "I didn't say that! You're lying!" but he literally did say exactly that right before the phone call. Afterward, he says I manipulated my mom and made him look bad because I said that. I don't understand how that is manipulation by stating exactly what had happened and I felt. This instance is just an example of the general pattern of our fights over the last few months. We somehow made up from that and now about 3 months later, he's obsessed with telling me I manipulate everything. To the point, where I can't even say one thing in disagreeance without him going off: "I gave you hints! See you're doing it again! You're manipulating! I'm so sick of you!". For example and this is going to sound so ridiculous and what is currently breaking my heart right now, last night we were alone chilling at my house and he was in kind of a bad mood from other issues in his life. I was happy just getting to spend time with him and us getting alone time together. He's going on about he can't relax and he just wants to be drunk so he goes and gets alcohol. He gets back and a few minutes later he asks me if I will give him an enema with the alcohol so he can get drunker. It's called "butt chugging". I'm cringing just from typing this. I've never done that before and know it's dangerous and honestly is kind of gross to me so I was hesitant to do it, like it made me uncomfortable that he wanted to do it so badly. I said I didn't really want to, he becomes so angry and pissed off and says that I'm so basic and I "don't want to have a life but he wants to" and asking in a harsh tone why won't I do it. This upsets me and I go into the other room. I come back and he sees that I have cried and I told him it's no reason to get angry like this and to say all of those things to me. He becomes more annoyed and says he doesn't believe he did anything wrong and I finally give in and do this. During this, alcohol spills on his face and he got mad and said "How many times did I tell you to go slow?!" and scolds me like a child for not correctly administering this to him as he wanted so badly. I told him I was sorry and that I've never done this before. I ask him what's the big deal and he harshly tells me to leave him alone and that I couldn't do a simple thing right. This is completely ridiculous to me so I tell him to stay there and don't come to the bedroom. I go to my room and cry because it hurts that I'm treated this way over something so silly and he acts like I'm so stupid for this. He comes in and says I'm the one making it a big deal because I "freaked out" but he was the one who got so triggered over this. He screams as he's standing over me telling me that I'm nothing and I do nothing and all I want is to "get f*cked". and he's screaming this over me with his hands up and saying it's been a boiling point for him for a long time. He's saying he's mad because I never want to hang out with his friends, his friends who have stolen from him and regularly do meth and are constantly in trouble and getting arrested, etc. I am an introverted person but we have definitely hung out with better people and have had a good time. I also want to go out on real dates like bowling or museum or whatever but he doesn't have the means to do it and I told him it was okay, that I didn't care about material things and that I would stay with him through his struggles. I don't think it's fair to say any of that. Of course, me saying he got mad at a simple thing and said hurtful stuff, his response is that I'm manipulating. He escalates it further and says he doesn't care about my feelings or if I'm hurt and that he has lied to me the whole relationship about loving me. He makes fun of me and mocks me for crying. This drives me insane and I plead with him to please stop saying these things. I try to fight my way through it and make points against his behavior. He says he is single now and immediately went to telling everyone on Facebook that he broke up with me and wants to hang out with someone. I ask him to not leave because if he does it'll truly be the end and he won't be able to fix it after. He stays at my house for the night and tells me to go to the other room and cry while he just goes to sleep. I don't think it's right that I have to wait until he decides. I want the problem to be resolved immediately but he doesn't want to communicate. I ask him to calm down and we can talk about this normally and he refuses and dismisses me. The next morning, he's still in a bad mood and I actually apologize for participating in the fight and want him to know that I do still love him. I even made him breakfast. He says he loves me too but keeps saying okay over and over in an effort to ignore my attempts to communicate. I start crying again and he rolls his eyes and gets up and starts leaving and I beg him to give me answers and he goes off about how I'm twisting the situation and won't leave him alone. It just upsets me even more and he disorients me in the way he talks in circles even when I'm trying to get back on track and repeating the main point. I leave the room for 30 minutes. I hear him screaming to himself and everything. He randomly walks in and hugs me and holds me for a long time and says he is sorry and I tell him I am sorry too. He says I should know automatically that he doesn't mean it when he says he doesn't care about me and says I am the one that coerces him to say those things. He wanted me to go back to his house to help babysit his daughter and I told him I wanted to stay home tonight to have a night to ourselves after all that has happened and to avoid fighting more. He says "See, this is what I'm talking about! You don't want to do anything for me." and says I'm forcing him to walk home alone carrying all his stuff. I told him he didn't have to walk and I gave in and told him if he really wants me to go I will go and he told me it's okay and that he loves me and he left anyway. An hour later, he shows back up with all of his stuff and his daughter and says "I just had to walk across town carrying my stuff and a toddler, thanks a lot." That confuses me because he seriously didn't have to walk, he could have gotten a ride but I feel like he just wants to be able to say I ed up somehow. He also had me under the impression it was okay at the end. The day goes on and he's on me for literally everything and criticizing me heavily all day and keeps saying how manipulative I am. He's having random outbursts of anger over his shower water being too cold and storming out yelling cuss words. We try to talk and I tell him I've never tried to attempt to manipulate him and I always say exactly what I feel. And if I feel he is overreacting or acting unnecessarily, I'm going to say that. He says he thinks I'm lying so that he will be the only one in the wrong. He mentions again about me going home with him tonight and again I say I wanted to stay home. He gets mad again and says I don't care about him etc and I desperately try to defend myself and the whole time he's saying he doesn't want to hear me talk and that he's single and we're done and I told him why would I give you a ride if you treat me this way when you could just admit you shouldn't have said any of that to me. He says fine, he will walk and says I'm forcing him to walk home and I tell him he still has a ride if he calms down. He rips off his shirt in front of his daughter and throws it and proceeds to get in my face screaming at me and I try to say something back, I raise my voice to get him to hear me several times and he tells me I'm messed up for fighting in front of his daughter even though he continues to scream at me. He said he's sick of me and my manipulations and we're through forever. And that I don't care about his daughter because we fought in front of her. I feel so terrible for that too. I disagree with him saying I don't care because I'm the one who pays for all of her stuff and has babysat and bonded with her multiple times for him and chose to love and care for a child that isn't mine. I've lost so many of my belongings to him and so much money and he said he won't pay me back. I have been there for him through everything and supported him fully through his addiction and all of his struggles and have never once strayed from him. He got all his stuff and left and I haven't talked to him since. I feel so broken and empty from all of this and I feel guilty and just despair because this was a person I was so deeply in love with and truly devoted myself to him completely. I feel I have not been treated fairly and I have no idea what to do. I cannot defend myself because any defense I have is that I'm manipulating and just trying to be right. No, I've said sorry for my faults and have told him I am not a perfect person and I don't desire to be innocent. I desire communication, understanding, and patience in my relationship and he refuses all three and blames me for everything after. I am a firm believer in telling the truth even if it's bad or admitting a mistake I think I made to have a better chance of resolve than to lie and still be suffering on the inside and in the long run. I feel traumatized by this relationship and like I've lost my sanity and dignity. Right now, he's telling everyone that I kicked him out and forced him to walk home and he broke up with me because I'm a manipulative person. I haven't told anyone about this except my mom because that is the only person I trust at this point. I'm posting this to get advice and if anyone has an idea as to why this has happened or why he has been this way. I can not find any justification for him doing this to me and being so cruel. I can't find any peace of mind. I feel so alone. I apologize for any grammar being incorrect or if it seems like run-on paragraphs but I'm very emotional right now. Link to comment
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